* Genre/s: Memoir
* Goals/expectations/commitment: I’m currently
editing my first draft.
* Writing/experience level: I’ve been working on the first draft for years. I haven’t published a full book before.
* Meeting place: telegram?
* Max size: 2
I would like a partner to critique my memoir. I would like to have it fully editing by July 1st. My memoir is very heavy. It has heavy topics and trauma like SA.
I just want to get this off my chest.
I’ve reached a point where I’d like to do things with a person. I’m doing my favorite things and I want to share them with someone. I want to go grocery shopping with someone. I want to run together. Eat together. I want someone to ask me a question like “have you eaten enough protein for your recovery today?”
I have a workout accountability partner and he asked a similar question based on energy. It almost broke me because there is no one asking me questions like that.
On dating apps guys say “you are out of my league” and self deprecate the remainder of the conversation. Guys don’t approach me in real life. I’ve realized that I have to signal “availability.”Everyone assumes I’m taken.
The loneliness most recently has felt like dying. A deep core ache. I am a wife. But I have no husband. And there isn’t anyone even on the horizon.
It feels like some sort of cosmic joke. I have prayed, fasted, been in therapy, had coaching, visualized, meditated, doing my hobbies, become active and even discovered new passions.
There is absolutely no one to tell that I am super excited about running, and triathlons. I just discovered Norseman and Cocodona 250. I don’t want to do them, but I’d love to go there! I love running but I’m still figuring out fueling my body.
Yes I have friends but neither of them would care about these things.
I want to cuddle. I haven’t touched a man beyond a hug 1x at church in the last 6 years. No wait, there was a young soldier I met at Royal farms last month who looked like he needed a hug. I thanked him for his service and asked if he wanted a hug.
I want to be held. I want more children. I haven’t been on a date in the last a 6 years.
I want to be supportive, attentive, grow a family and create a warm atmosphere. I want to do regular things like make breakfast and eat together. Right now, this feels crushing.
Thanks for reading this.
Edit;
The big trigger is that I’m editing my memoir and I’m on a chapter that I’d really rather not revisit. And yeah. No one to comfort me. And yes I’ve been talking to God all day.
Hey! I recently got back into running and I’m ready for a watch to track my stats and data. I’ve decided to get a Lily 2 active. Where can I buy a used one? I checked Amazon and I saw their stock is frequently returned. Thinking it will be a late Mother’s Day gift to myself. ☺️ Thanks for any leads. I am in the US.