u/Inefficient_Doctor13

I'm so damn tired man and the prayers to God don't seem to help no more I just want to talk to people and be a good man but it's so damn hard in this day in age I don't know how much energy I got left before I just hang this shit up for good I mean shit I'm a good man I pay the bills I make sure everything is taken care of I listen i keep my mouth shut when times call for it and yet I'm not worth a fuckin thing the only time and I mean the only time I get my mind to shut up is when I climb into the shoot and wait for them to pull the gate those are the only like 30 seconds a week I get of actual quiet it's the only time my mind shuts off and my body is in control the other 604770 seconds is just so damn loud all the time like why does everything have to fall on my shoulders weather it's work or my friends or just the damn world in general and God knows I've never asked for less burden only broader shoulders to carry it but im real tired of carrying it and I just need to vent before I do something fucking stupid but like fuck man I know who I am I know what I want out of life I know how to get there I know how to love how to provide how to be that man I'm supposed to be is it so wrong to want my life to actually move forward in the direction I want I don't feel like I'm asking a lot of the world but it seems like even if I asked for a crumb I wouldn't fuckin get it I know God has a plan and a reason for it all but im tired of trying to find it

I miss the soft parts of you

the way your hand would find mine

like it always knew the way home

the warmth of your skin against mine

slow, unspoken

like the world didn’t need to exist beyond us

you’d settle into me at night

like you were made to fit there

like every breath was a promise

you didn’t have to say out loud

I remember the way you’d soften

when I pulled you close

how you’d melt just a little more

like you trusted me with everything

and those mornings…

your gentle kisses

half-asleep, half-dreaming

but somehow they made everything feel okay

safe

like nothing could touch me

as long as you were there

now it’s just silence

where your warmth used to be

and I keep reaching for you

in places you don’t live anymore

So this sounds really bad when I say it out loud but thank you for leaving and thank you for breaking me. Because of you I know now that I can handle any pain life will throw at me weather it's mental or physical. You leaving in the only reason I decided to ride ranch bronc again. You always hated it and said it was dangerous and would hurt me but you hurt me more than any horse ever could have. I got stomped hard Tuesday night and it still didn't hurt nearly as bad as crying so hard in the shower I couldn't breathe the day you left. I know this is just a life lesson but its the one that taught me how much pain I can really take. I mean if I can handle all the hell you put me through and that guy wrenching mental pain I had to deal with just to love you. So thank you please don't ever come back and P.S I'm keeping the cat he likes me way more than he likes you

I miss the soft parts of you

the way your hand would find mine

like it always knew the way home

the warmth of your skin against mine

slow, unspoken

like the world didn’t need to exist beyond us

you’d settle into me at night

like you were made to fit there

like every breath was a promise

you didn’t have to say out loud

I remember the way you’d soften

when I pulled you close

how you’d melt just a little more

like you trusted me with everything

and those mornings…

your gentle kisses

half-asleep, half-dreaming

but somehow they made everything feel okay

safe

like nothing could touch me

as long as you were there

now it’s just silence

where your warmth used to be

and I keep reaching for you

in places you don’t live anymore