u/Inevitable-Channel38

Me: Oh wow, I just realized I might have this X! Let me do some research to learn more!

Internet: What?

Me: You know, X?

Internet: ...what?

Me: X!

Internet: Oh yeahhh...That's that one thing...where it looks like that kinda

Me: Yeah, I know that, but like, what else? Are there other related traits I should know about? what causes it?

Internet: uhh, hormones?

Me: Which hormones?

Internet: idfk

Me: Fine...I guess I'll go to a doctor, maybe they'll know more about it

Doctor: So you think you have both parts?

I’ve done a lot of reflection lately and now I’m pretty sure I’m interested in women and fem/androgynous/neutral aligned enbies, but not men or masc aligned enbies. I’m also on the aroace spectrum, desiring a relationship but very rarely getting the feeling.

Ive suspected that my sexuality could be fluid, as there have been times I’m less interested in women and sometimes I even consider men, though I don’t think I’m actually interested in pursuing men irl.

i think I just had some internalized stuff going on with my last post, feeling like I CANT date women and NEED to be with a man.

i think im also gonna describe my gender because , i think i have it all figured out, but like hoarding labels lol

I identify more with the male sex, but my gender is more androgynous. I call myself transandrogynous rather than transmasc or transfem because of that. I think im more masc leaning, generally preferring masc or neutral terms, but I’d let people closer to me use fem terms because I trust them more to understand the nuances of my gender I guess. I also like terms that intentionally masc and fem terms. I’ve called myself a boygirl and I also like the word ‘dudette’ (I know it technically just means a girl, but still).

Anyway, throw labels my way so I can max out my flags on pronouns cc!

it’s like we’ve gone from having a gender binary to a gender tertiary. you’ve got boys, girls, and theys! Non binary to binary people either means completely androgynous they/them neuter OR it’s just female lite™️ (or male lite™️ if they’re “progressive” enough to acknowledg boy en-I mean, AMAB enbies, haha!)

one of the things that kept me from calling myself non binary for a long time was being either stripped of the nuances of my gender identity or to be seen as a quirky cis girl. Maybe a quirky trans man if I’m lucky.

I really can’t wait for me to be at the point in my transition where nobody can tell what I was born with.

A Part of me almost wants to “give up” on being non binary just because of how misunderstood the label is. I hypothetically could settle for being viewed as a binary man, I mean, as long as nobody sees me as a cis female…but it sucks that I feel like I can never really be myself, even around other queer people.

I feel like a lot of the people around me are confused about my gender. Like, nobody seems to be able to tell if I’m a trans guy or non binary. I’m not even sure how to explain to them what I am. I think in the Home cartoon Oh says that in Boov society there are more genders and one of them is boyboygirl? That’s me. he/she dudette guy. idk what to even call that.

oh, I’m also intersex, so it really pisses me tf off when people call intersex people “cis nonbinary” or like when ppl hc non binary characters as intersex to combat afab/amab hcs?? Intersex people can be afab/amab yall have no idea wtf you’re talking about 😭 (this also goes for my fellow enbies who say they wanna “transition to intersex” I beg you to look up the term altersex/ambisex)

anyway…yeah, just wanted to get all that off my chest. and btw, no hate towards non binary people who DO feel completely genderless/androgynous/neutral/third gendered

For most of my life I’ve just called myself bisexual because it’s easier than explaining whatever tf I have going on but I really want to have a more solid understanding of exactly which way I swing, especially since I’ve really been desiring a relationship lately.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always found women more physically attractive than men. it’s easier for me to identify an attractive woman and *know* I’m attracted to her. I also tend to find (various) female bodies more arousing. I’ve also had a couple crushes on girls, but I never really pursued them. There’s kind of a part of me that feels like a long term, monogamous relationship with a woman would just be unfulfilling, though I worry that it’s misogynistic or homophobic for me to feel that way.

When it comes to guys, I’m much more picky. Ironically, I feel like I’ve had more guy crushes, and I’ve also dated more guys in the past (I had one gf in middle school and p sure she only dated me to make someone else jealous but tbh I didn’t care 💀). Also, whenever I imagine myself in a long term relationship, it’s usually with a guy or someone more masc leaning in presentation. I also feel like I’d be kind of unfulfilled with a man, but to a lesser extent? Like I feel like if he’s feminine/androgynous it would be fine.

sometimes I also fantasize about having a “boy”friend who later comes out to me as genderqueer/transfemby and I get to watch them become more in touch with their feminine side.

Ive also tried just saying im enby4enby because non binary people can look like pretty much anything and I just trust my fellow enbies more to understand the nuances of my gender identity. But thats kind of just a preference, not a sexuality.

i also have noticed that I’m not that attracted to masculinity. I’m more interested in androgyny (though usually masc leaning) and femininity. Like it doesn’t matter if it’s a masc woman, man, non binary person, I don’t really like It.

ive also been on and off about being aromantic or asexual, since I feel like genuine attraction to actual people is rarer for me than for other people. sometimes I think I’m just super picky but I dunno…I’ve felt repulsion towards romance, even towards guys I thought I had a crush on. I’ve also even been repulsed by my own attraction to women. this is only occasional though, other times I feel attraction with no repulsion, and sometimes I just feel nothing at all.

i wish this stuff wasn’t so confusing. it would be so much easier to just be exclusively into one gender or to be gender blind with no preference at all 🥹💔