Suicidal thoughts
Anyone else also feel increasingly more depressed when nothing seems to be helping? I’m in a severe burnout from forcing myself at work and outside work, and I was already starting those things with (chronic) fatigue. So basically it’s my own fault, but so many people have told me to just push through so that’s what I did. And now I’m in the worst burnout I’ve ever been in, it’s been almost a year and nothing has changed at all. I’m becoming more and more desparate, because I see no improvement even though I am basically almost housebound and I can barely socialize. But the worst thing is, is that I feel only 2% alive, it’s like parts of my brain have shut off and I don’t feel real, I feel like an alien trying to carry the heavy load of this flesh suit. Everything is hard. I feel so drained all the time and people can’t see that from the outside, people do not understand at all. I feel so incredibly depressed. Every task that requires minor focus sends my body into fight/flight, even writing this is making my shoulders extremely tense and painful from effort. I am so done, and very close to giving up. I’m only 22, but if my body is deciding to shut down I’ll have to just accept it.
Sorry for this very not useful rant. I thought just maybe someone will feel the same and I would not feel like I’m crazy.