u/Inevitable_Jelly1574

My mum (55) had trouble from January this year with pain in her stomach, had multiple blood tests and stool samples from January through to March, had an ultrasound early March and confirmed she had gallstones. The pain still came and went, along with sickness and fatigue, but we had an answer, or so we thought.

April 27th rolled around and she was incredibly unwell, couldn’t lift her head, very weak, had been sick for a few days, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep etc. She refused to go to a&e over something as silly as gallstones in her words, I knew something was up, so I phone out out of hours doctor service. The doctor suspected she may have pancreatitis from gallstones getting stuck and possible infection and she needed to go to a&e immediately. They red flagged an ambulance and it was at her house within the hour. I followed in my car to a&e, we waited for 8 hours, she was in agony. They did a chest CT while in a&e and then began administering IV fluids, antibiotics and paracetamol. She got admitted to a ward, I went home to get showered and have a quick nap after sitting all night, content she was in the ward waiting on being given a time to get her gallbladder removed.

I arrived back at the hospital several hours later. They had sent a consultant to the ward not long after I left to tell her they found stage 4 colorectal cancer, a mass in her colon with metastases to the liver and one 2mm nodule in her lung.

She was discharged a few days later. No plan. No information. No further conversation about diagnosis or what it meant. Only a liver biopsy taken with no results provided, they were due to be back a few days later and she would get a phone call, it never came.

She had been admitted a couple of weeks after that for pain again and then admitted once more a week and a half ago for the same thing, only this time she was jaundice. They suspected a gallstone blocking her bile duct.

More scans and blood tests this time round, blocked bile duct in the liver causing the jaundice. Was told if she had a drain fitted she could start chemo as it kept being put off due to hospital admissions over the 5 weeks prior. She had the drain fitted and was told her jaundice levels were dropping. All seemed okay, had the syringe driver fitted with morphine to manage pain but not for end of life comfort.

On Monday, an oncologist finally came to talk to her about her treatment plan. She told us they were not prepared to give any treatment and she only has a few weeks to a couple of months left to live. She will go home to die or go to the hospice. No explanation as to how we got to this point exactly, we were in shock so didn’t ask questions. The next day, I asked to see her scans and results and reports etc. They knew weeks ago and gave her false hope that she could still have treatment, no one told us the prognosis. The mass in her liver doubled in size within 2 weeks to nearly 10cm.

I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m confused. How did we get here? She had gallstones 6 weeks ago now she’s actively dying?

I don’t know what I need. Solidarity? To vent? Advice?

I’m sorry we’re all in this subreddit, I have read a lot of your stories, I thought they’d give me hope over the last few weeks and they did, but now I’m lost.

I’m an only child, divorced parents, tiny family circle, I have a 2 year old.

What am I going to do? How do I support her? What should I expect?

My mum (55) had trouble from January this year with pain in her stomach, had multiple blood tests and stool samples from January through to March, had an ultrasound early March and confirmed she had gallstones. The pain still came and went, along with sickness and fatigue, but we had an answer, or so we thought.

April 27th rolled around and she was incredibly unwell, couldn’t lift her head, very weak, had been sick for a few days, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep etc. She refused to go to a&e over something as silly as gallstones in her words, I knew something was up, so I phone out out of hours doctor service. The doctor suspected she may have pancreatitis from gallstones getting stuck and possible infection and she needed to go to a&e immediately. They red flagged an ambulance and it was at her house within the hour. I followed in my car to a&e, we waited for 8 hours, she was in agony. They did a chest CT while in a&e and then began administering IV fluids, antibiotics and paracetamol. She got admitted to a ward, I went home to get showered and have a quick nap after sitting all night, content she was in the ward waiting on being given a time to get her gallbladder removed.

I arrived back at the hospital several hours later. They had sent a consultant to the ward not long after I left to tell her they found stage 4 colorectal cancer, a mass in her colon with metastases to the liver and one 2mm nodule in her lung.

She was discharged a few days later. No plan. No information. No further conversation about diagnosis or what it meant. Only a liver biopsy taken with no results provided, they were due to be back a few days later and she would get a phone call, it never came.

She had been admitted a couple of weeks after that for pain again and then admitted once more a week and a half ago for the same thing, only this time she was jaundice. They suspected a gallstone blocking her bile duct.

More scans and blood tests this time round, blocked bile duct in the liver causing the jaundice. Was told if she had a drain fitted she could start chemo as it kept being put off due to hospital admissions over the 5 weeks prior. She had the drain fitted and was told her jaundice levels were dropping. All seemed okay, had the syringe driver fitted with morphine to manage pain but not for end of life comfort.

On Monday, an oncologist finally came to talk to her about her treatment plan. She told us they were not prepared to give any treatment and she only has a few weeks to a couple of months left to live. She will go home to die or go to the hospice. No explanation as to how we got to this point exactly, we were in shock so didn’t ask questions. The next day, I asked to see her scans and results and reports etc. They knew weeks ago and gave her false hope that she could still have treatment, no one told us the prognosis. The mass in her liver doubled in size within 2 weeks to nearly 10cm.

I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m confused. How did we get here? She had gallstones 6 weeks ago now she’s actively dying?

I don’t know what I need. Solidarity? To vent? Advice?

I’m sorry we’re all in this subreddit, I have read a lot of your stories, I thought they’d give me hope over the last few weeks and they did, but now I’m lost.

I’m an only child, divorced parents, tiny family circle, I have a 2 year old.

What am I going to do? How do I support her? What should I expect?

I just want to start off by saying I don’t mind hearing anything from success stories to harsh truths, any advice and experiences are welcome here. For reference in case it’s of any importance, my mum is mid 50s and UK based. I will try and keep this as short and sweet as possible, but a lot has went on in a short space of time, anyone who feels they would like to read the whole thing and provide a response in any way, I’m truly appreciative of your time.

My mum was having serious pains in her stomach, around her bra line, from the beginning of the year. Went to GP who did blood and stool samples. All came back clear. Sent for an ultrasound, confirmed gallstones. This was in February/March time. Fast forward to about a month ago, she started getting more frequent, long lasting bouts of pain and vomiting, stopped eating and sleeping well. End of April she was in agony, vomiting daily a few times a day, couldn’t keep water or pain meds down at all. I phoned out of hours who advised it could be pancreatitis from gallstone complications so went to A&E. Got more samples taken and confirmed infection markers of 206 when they’re supposed to be 5 (I’m not too sure what kind of markers etc but this is all the info we had) and it was assumed infection from stuck gallstone in bile duct. CT scan done in A&E to find stuck gallstone and stumbled across a mass in her bowel. Admitted to hospital and later that day was hit with a stage 4 colorectal cancer diagnosis with metastases to the liver and one single nodule in her lung measuring 2mm which they said wasn’t concerning but to have a repeat scan in 3 months for that alone.

5 day hospital stay to manage her pain with morphine and IV paracetamol as well as anti sickness meds. Had a liver biopsy done to confirm the spots on liver were cancer. Discharged on day 5 with no contact with any doctor since diagnosis on day 1. No contact with Marie curie nurses, no advice on managing pain, no plan, no support and altogether just very scared and confused. Got an appointment for 3 weeks from then which would be next week to meet with her doctor to discuss the diagnosis and the plan. Received a letter that was for the GP from the hospital stating there is lymph node involvement, some of which are necrotic. Fast forward again to Tuesday. Mum had booked herself a GP appointment to request anti sickness meds and a sleeping tablet to make her more comfortable and be able to sleep again through the pain and nausea. GP advised her infection markers were 78 and that the initial infection may not have been properly treated with the limited antibiotics in hospital so to go back as vomiting was a bit of a warning sign. Went to a different hospital on Tuesday morning, had a repeat scan done and confirmed one of the spots/masses/mets (not sure on terminology just yet) had gotten bigger in that short 2 week span between scans, admitted to hospital again and advised that the cancer is quite obviously aggressive.

Discharged today with the information that her appointment with the doctor in the hospital this coming Tuesday will be cancelled as she already knows the facts, and an appointment with oncology will be scheduled for 2-3 weeks from now with chemo starting shortly after that appointment. Being sent home with steroids which she has been on from Wednesday, anti sickness and pain relief and the advice that any inability to keep down oral meds like before requires hospitalisation again for IV pain relief etc.

How the hell does someone go from gallstones, to stage 4 colorectal cancer to having aggressive cancer spreading through their liver and have any hope when no one has discussed a plan or her options. We only know they want to start with aggressive chemo to keep the liver under control. No idea about the mass in her large bowel which is 5.3cm. No idea about surgical plans. I feel so lost for her. I feel so lost for myself. I don’t know what questions are beneficial to ask the doctors when we get a chance. I don’t think I have very long left with her given the progression and it’s terrifying me.

I just want to start off by saying I don’t mind hearing anything from success stories to harsh truths, any advice and experiences are welcome here. For reference in case it’s of any importance, my mum is mid 50s and UK based. I will try and keep this as short and sweet as possible, but a lot has went on in a short space of time, anyone who feels they would like to read the whole thing and provide a response in any way, I’m truly appreciative of your time.

My mum was having serious pains in her stomach, around her bra line, from the beginning of the year. Went to GP who did blood and stool samples. All came back clear. Sent for an ultrasound, confirmed gallstones. This was in February/March time. Fast forward to about a month ago, she started getting more frequent, long lasting bouts of pain and vomiting, stopped eating and sleeping well. End of April she was in agony, vomiting daily a few times a day, couldn’t keep water or pain meds down at all. I phoned out of hours who advised it could be pancreatitis from gallstone complications so went to A&E. Got more samples taken and confirmed infection markers of 206 when they’re supposed to be 5 (I’m not too sure what kind of markers etc but this is all the info we had) and it was assumed infection from stuck gallstone in bile duct. CT scan done in A&E to find stuck gallstone and stumbled across a mass in her bowel. Admitted to hospital and later that day was hit with a stage 4 colorectal cancer diagnosis with metastases to the liver and one single nodule in her lung measuring 2mm which they said wasn’t concerning but to have a repeat scan in 3 months for that alone.

5 day hospital stay to manage her pain with morphine and IV paracetamol as well as anti sickness meds. Had a liver biopsy done to confirm the spots on liver were cancer. Discharged on day 5 with no contact with any doctor since diagnosis on day 1. No contact with Marie curie nurses, no advice on managing pain, no plan, no support and altogether just very scared and confused. Got an appointment for 3 weeks from then which would be next week to meet with her doctor to discuss the diagnosis and the plan. Received a letter that was for the GP from the hospital stating there is lymph node involvement, some of which are necrotic. Fast forward again to Tuesday. Mum had booked herself a GP appointment to request anti sickness meds and a sleeping tablet to make her more comfortable and be able to sleep again through the pain and nausea. GP advised her infection markers were 78 and that the initial infection may not have been properly treated with the limited antibiotics in hospital so to go back as vomiting was a bit of a warning sign. Went to a different hospital on Tuesday morning, had a repeat scan done and confirmed one of the spots/masses/mets (not sure on terminology just yet) had gotten bigger in that short 2 week span between scans, admitted to hospital again and advised that the cancer is quite obviously aggressive.

Discharged today with the information that her appointment with the doctor in the hospital this coming Tuesday will be cancelled as she already knows the facts, and an appointment with oncology will be scheduled for 2-3 weeks from now with chemo starting shortly after that appointment. Being sent home with steroids which she has been on from Wednesday, anti sickness and pain relief and the advice that any inability to keep down oral meds like before requires hospitalisation again for IV pain relief etc.

How the hell does someone go from gallstones, to stage 4 colorectal cancer to having aggressive cancer spreading through their liver and have any hope when no one has discussed a plan or her options. We only know they want to start with aggressive chemo to keep the liver under control. No idea about the mass in her large bowel which is 5.3cm. No idea about surgical plans. I feel so lost for her. I feel so lost for myself. I don’t know what questions are beneficial to ask the doctors when we get a chance. I don’t think I have very long left with her given the progression and it’s terrifying me.

My daughter turned 2 a few weeks ago and is due to have her 2 year health visitor review any time from now until she is 2.5 roughly. I’m in Northern Ireland if that makes any difference, not sure if it’s different here to mainland UK.

Is there anything in particular they ask/check for? And is there anything we need to spend a good bit of time working on? My daughter has great language skills as far as I’m aware, she says over 300 words, puts 2 words and 3 words together, knows lots of animals and their noises, good fine motor skills, can walk up and down stairs holding on to the wall a little, okay eater but a little repetitive with food but that’s mostly down to me of course which we’ve been working on. The one thing she absolutely cannot do is jump, we’ve tried reaching for months and she just pushes up with one foot and does a weird little hop🤣

I have never found a shop or brand that sells leggings that don’t show off pants underneath! Can anyone recommend a brand or shop that does good thick ones? For reference I’m in UK! 😊

My mum has had trouble with gallstones this year and been in quite a bit of pain with them. Ambulance arrived due to suspected pancreatitis and took her to hospital. CT scan of the gallbladder coincidently showed a 5.3cm mass in her bowel with metastases on her liver. Diagnoses of stage 4 colorectal cancer the day after arriving with the plan of just having her gallbladder removed. Discharged from hospital with no plan for her gallbladder (although completely unrelated and somewhat not important given the diagnoses) no conversation with a doctor to ask any questions, no conversations with macmillan or anything similar. It feels like she’s just been told to go home and figure it out. I’m an only child and my mum has no partner, only a couple of cousins so we don’t have a huge family circle anyway. I don’t even know where to begin with supporting her. She wanted to suppress it the first few days and mask her feelings with humour, it’s the way we cope with things, but I don’t want to pressure her in to having really deep scary conversations if she’s not ready. I have been doing a lot of research in to treatment options and things to look out for before treatment and during so I can be on the ball with getting her medical help etc but I’m terrified. I feel like I’ve only seen horror stories about this stage of diagnosis and I haven’t experienced anyone with cancer in the family this close where I will be involved in the journey.

Can anyone shed some light on the unexpected things to come aside from surgery, chemotherapy, radiotherapy or immunotherapy etc as I have a fair idea of her options I’d like to discuss with her doctors. I just want to be prepared, I’m completely lost.