I am going through a very complicated health situation. There are lot of uncertainties regarding it. It may become better or it might not. Unfortunately, my marriage is fixed. Treatments are not really working. I don’t want to burden my future wife with my health issues.
Pls pray to Allah to save her life as soon as possible if my condition is going to stay the same.

This is a throwaway account.

I am aware that what you are going to read is out of your scope but I want you all to know there is a brother of yours going through this

I can’t believe I am writing this. My life is now a ticking clock.

I have been a long time lurker of all Islamic subs. I thought my first post here would be something different. However, Allah has his own plans, isn’t he… Qadr Allah

I am a male going through a rare health condition. Currently living alone in West. The part which it is affected is none other than my private part. I have no clue how I got this. It started 2 years ago, first I thought I was having another condition. I spent atleast 18 months praying not to end up with that. It got stable and I was moving on with my life..However, recently I realised I am also having symptoms of another genital condition with a more neurological cause and it is progressing. THERE IS NO KOWN CURE OR TREATMENT FOR THIS. What works for one might not work for other.
Few people who started like this has even ended becoming permanently disabled or bed ridden

All this after I found a girl that I can marry and settle (Arrange marriage). This girl is Masha Allah beautiful, practicing, invested in deen, all our values align.

We found her after a lot of search. She can definitely get someone far better than me in terms of wealth, looks and deen. When her proposal first came, I had to reject as she was out of my league. Surprisingly our families spoke again regarding an unrelated matter and I expressed my wish to talk to her. She was kind enough to accept my request although I rejected her before. She is that girl who is deen oriented, zero ego, a dream girl for many men.

If things won’t work for me, I have to CALL THIS OFF.

CAN YOU ALL IMAGINE MY PAIN.

I spent my whole life working on academics, staying away from a lot of things. Never had any relationship, never did any drugs/alcohol. My friends used to make fun of me for not enjoying a lot of things. Besides, I was that guy who advised and warn my friends not to engage in haram things. They used to ask me, if you don’t enjoy now when are going to enjoy (I am aware none of this matter).

I ALWAYS FEARED BECOMING THAT DISCIPLINED PERSON WHO REFRAINS FROM A LOT OF THINGS OUT OF THE FEAR OF GOD, ONLY TO HAVE THEIR LIFE RUINED AT THE VERY LAST MOMENT.

ONE OF MY WORST FEAR WAS NOT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A FAMILY LIFE.

I spend years perfecting myself to be a best husband for my future wife. Was scared to do a lot of things thinking whether if would affect my chance of getting married to a righteous person. Ever since I was a child, I have spent days and nights dreaming of how deeply I will love, cherish, and pamper my future wife. 😔

Guess what my nightmares are finally coming true…

Saying that, I am not saying I am perfect. I have done fair share of sins.

Two years ago, when I first went through this, I always wondered where I would be in two years. I'm still here..

\\\\\\\*I can’t focus at all on my prayers. This is occupied in my mind. Most of the time, I delay prayers but still pray before the time ends

\\\\\\\*I can’t wake up for Tahajjud as it would disturb my sleep and I can’t fall back to sleep again.

\\\\\\\* When I am awake I am always thinking about it, checking it, noticing subtle changes, picturing it whenever I’m at home.

\\\\\\\*When I first started to notice the signs , I read stories of few severe cases who never got cured. My problems are more and more becoming like theirs.

\\\\\\\*A lot of people who started like mine got better in the first few months itself and left the Reddit groups.

\\\\\\\* Few Muslim brothers I know there who seems to be optimistic are still suffering for years.

\\\\\\\*Whenever I open those subs, the latest post is always a hopeless doom-post. Surprisingly, that person’s vent is exactly what I had in mind right before seeing it. This even happened few hours ago.

\\\\\\\* Barely care about personal hygiene.

\\\*\\\*\*\***Connecting the dots**\*\*\\\*\\\*

\\\\\\\*Surprisingly, One day I read about this condition randomly, got really scared knowing such things existed. Few weeks later , I ended up wth the same condition.

\\\\\\\*I committed a grave sin of engaging with Riba, which I took for higher studies and it is is still ongoing.

\\\\\\\*At some points in my life , I valued dunya over deen. My practicing friends warned against this.

\\\\\\\*The girl I am talking to once told me that she is very confident that Allah will give her the best person. I think Allah wanted me to call this off because he has already decided to make me suffer. I also don’t want to shatter her hopes and end up being a test for her

\\\\\\\*When I was a kid, I overheard my mother telling my grandmother that in all of our family branches, there is always one male whose life gets ruined, and she didn't know why. I think my grandmother even agreed that it was true. When I started thinking about it, I was shocked to realize she was right. In my grandmother’s family it’s Her brother—my uncle—had his life consumed by health issues starting in his late 20s until his death in his 40s. I have always been terrified of being that one male. You can see where my life is heading to…

\\\\\\\* I always had an instinct since childhood that something big is coming for me.

\\\\\\\* I was never able to imagine my life as someone who is old or in his post 50s, which confirms that I probably die before it.

\\\\\\\*There is a guy who I chatted with when I first first got this condition. He is a rare severe case. Never recovered. A lot of our symptoms match. Whenever I search for my symptoms, it’s always his comments or post that appear. I am very scared I might end up in his place . I think it may be a sign from Allah to keep my hopes down

There were lot of times when I cried and prayed , I had hopes … but was it all just smoke?

\*\***Family situation**\*\* (I am crying while writing this)

I am born to two innocent souls. Both suffered a lot financially to support us. Had high hopes for me. They are very relegious, non toxic parents. They only started to breath properly recently as I landed with a job . Looks like they don’t deserve any happiness in this world.

During one call, my mother was so excited talking about my wedding. She was saying about things she has planned to do or was in her mind for a long time

They won’t be able to handle this. They will go through nervous breakdown. The whole family will shatter into pieces. Both can’t handle stress.

If things won’t improve, I have to reveal this part by part. What a fate

If I don’t get cured. My only hope is to live rest of my life with my parents. I AM AFRAID THAT ALLAH WILL TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME. I don’t how I will handle that mentally.

I haven’t seen them for a long time now. I ignore their call lot of times as I am mentally in a bad place.

I wanted to move to a Muslim country to live in a religious environment. With this condition, I won’t be because , a lot of relative residing there , I’ll be the odd one out among them , the one who can’t marry and have a family. I probably might rot rest of my life here.

I want to do Hajj, but I want to be there as a normal person without this condition. Otherwise , I won’t be able to be in the moment. I want to cry out of joy when I see Ka’aba, not thinking about this.

I might recover, but it might be too late by then. I want to marry this girl, but I have time constraints. Some people have recovered quicker but they took treatment in the early stage itself. I am scared as I am chronic now (because I didn’t know) and might take a very long time or never recover.

Had If I recover inshallah, I would live the rest of my life mouth shut, contributing towards the deen.

# # MY ONLY LAST HOPE

1)Your Duas are my only hope . A dua of a stranger is very strong

“The supplication of a Muslim for his brother in his absence will certainly be answered. Every time he makes a supplication for good for his brother, the angel appointed for this particular task says: 'Ameen! May it be for you, too”.

Sahih Muslim (Hadith 2732b) and Riyad as-Salihin (Hadith 1495).

2)I am going for a specialist assessment next week Insha Allah . Some assessment methods or treatments can cause further damage. Please pray to Allah that the specialist finds something that might be the reason behind my issue and that it is easily fixable with non-invasive treatments and yields quick results .

3)Pls share some duas/surahs that worked for you from your personal experience. I know Rabbi inni massani… La llaha illa Anta…

4)If it’s not going to work, please pray that Allah takes me away from this world. I honestly can’t bear to suffer like this until I am 50. My parents will be sad, but it is better than them seeing me suffer, and they will get used to it over time.

I BEG YOU ALL TO PLEASE PRAY TO ALLAH TO GIVE THIS MISERABLE SLAVE ONE LAST CHANCE.

This is a throwaway account.

I am aware that what you are going to read is out of your scope but I want you all to know there is a brother of yours going through this

I can’t believe I am writing this. My life is now a ticking clock.

I have been a long time lurker of all Islamic subs. I thought my first post here would be something different. However, Allah has his own plans, isn’t he… Qadr Allah

I am a male going through a rare health condition. Currently living alone in West. The part which it is affected is none other than my private part. I have no clue how I got this. It started 2 years ago, first I thought I was having another condition. I spent atleast 18 months praying not to end up with that. It got stable and I was moving on with my life..However, recently I realised I am also having symptoms of another genital condition with a more neurological cause and it is progressing. THERE IS NO KOWN CURE OR TREATMENT FOR THIS. What works for one might not work for other.
Few people who started like this has even ended becoming permanently disabled or bed ridden

All this after I found a girl that I can marry and settle (Arrange marriage). This girl is Masha Allah beautiful, practicing, invested in deen, all our values align.

We found her after a lot of search. She can definitely get someone far better than me in terms of wealth, looks and deen. When her proposal first came, I had to reject as she was out of my league. Surprisingly our families spoke again regarding an unrelated matter and I expressed my wish to talk to her. She was kind enough to accept my request although I rejected her before. She is that girl who is deen oriented, zero ego, a dream girl for many men.

If things won’t work for me, I have to CALL THIS OFF.

CAN YOU ALL IMAGINE MY PAIN.

I spent my whole life working on academics, staying away from a lot of things. Never had any relationship, never did any drugs/alcohol. My friends used to make fun of me for not enjoying a lot of things. Besides, I was that guy who advised and warn my friends not to engage in haram things. They used to ask me, if you don’t enjoy now when are going to enjoy (I am aware none of this matter).

I ALWAYS FEARED BECOMING THAT DISCIPLINED PERSON WHO REFRAINS FROM A LOT OF THINGS OUT OF THE FEAR OF GOD, ONLY TO HAVE THEIR LIFE RUINED AT THE VERY LAST MOMENT.

ONE OF MY WORST FEAR WAS NOT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A FAMILY LIFE.

I spend years perfecting myself to be a best husband for my future wife. Was scared to do a lot of things thinking whether if would affect my chance of getting married to a righteous person. Ever since I was a child, I have spent days and nights dreaming of how deeply I will love, cherish, and pamper my future wife. 😔

Guess what my nightmares are finally coming true…

Saying that, I am not saying I am perfect. I have done fair share of sins.

Two years ago, when I first went through this, I always wondered where I would be in two years. I'm still here..

\\\*I can’t focus at all on my prayers. This is occupied in my mind. Most of the time, I delay prayers but still pray before the time ends

\\\*I can’t wake up for Tahajjud as it would disturb my sleep and I can’t fall back to sleep again.

\\\* When I am awake I am always thinking about it, checking it, noticing subtle changes, picturing it whenever I’m at home.

\\\*When I first started to notice the signs , I read stories of few severe cases who never got cured. My problems are more and more becoming like theirs.

\\\*A lot of people who started like mine got better in the first few months itself and left the Reddit groups.

\\\* Few Muslim brothers I know there who seems to be optimistic are still suffering for years.

\\\*Whenever I open those subs, the latest post is always a hopeless doom-post. Surprisingly, that person’s vent is exactly what I had in mind right before seeing it. This even happened few hours ago.

\\\* Barely care about personal hygiene.

\*\***Connecting the dots**\*\*

\\\*Surprisingly, One day I read about this condition randomly, got really scared knowing such things existed. Few weeks later , I ended up wth the same condition.

\\\*I committed a grave sin of engaging with Riba, which I took for higher studies and it is is still ongoing.

\\\*At some points in my life , I valued dunya over deen. My practicing friends warned against this.

\\\*The girl I am talking to once told me that she is very confident that Allah will give her the best person. I think Allah wanted me to call this off because he has already decided to make me suffer. I also don’t want to shatter her hopes and end up being a test for her

\\\*When I was a kid, I overheard my mother telling my grandmother that in all of our family branches, there is always one male whose life gets ruined, and she didn't know why. I think my grandmother even agreed that it was true. When I started thinking about it, I was shocked to realize she was right. In my grandmother’s family it’s Her brother—my uncle—had his life consumed by health issues starting in his late 20s until his death in his 40s. I have always been terrified of being that one male. You can see where my life is heading to…

\\\* I always had an instinct since childhood that something big is coming for me.

\\\* I was never able to imagine my life as someone who is old or in his post 50s, which confirms that I probably die before it.

\\\*There is a guy who I chatted with when I first first got this condition. He is a rare severe case. Never recovered. A lot of our symptoms match. Whenever I search for my symptoms, it’s always his comments or post that appear. I am very scared I might end up in his place . I think it may be a sign from Allah to keep my hopes down

There were lot of times when I cried and prayed , I had hopes … but was it all just smoke?

**Family situation** (I am crying while writing this)

I am born to two innocent souls. Both suffered a lot financially to support us. Had high hopes for me. They are very relegious, non toxic parents. They only started to breath properly recently as I landed with a job . Looks like they don’t deserve any happiness in this world.

During one call, my mother was so excited talking about my wedding. She was saying about things she has planned to do or was in her mind for a long time

They won’t be able to handle this. They will go through nervous breakdown. The whole family will shatter into pieces. Both can’t handle stress.

If things won’t improve, I have to reveal this part by part. What a fate

If I don’t get cured. My only hope is to live rest of my life with my parents. I AM AFRAID THAT ALLAH WILL TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME. I don’t how I will handle that mentally.

I haven’t seen them for a long time now. I ignore their call lot of times as I am mentally in a bad place.

I wanted to move to a Muslim country to live in a religious environment. With this condition, I won’t be because , a lot of relative residing there , I’ll be the odd one out among them , the one who can’t marry and have a family. I probably might rot rest of my life here.

I want to do Hajj, but I want to be there as a normal person without this condition. Otherwise , I won’t be able to be in the moment. I want to cry out of joy when I see Ka’aba, not thinking about this.

I might recover, but it might be too late by then. I want to marry this girl, but I have time constraints. Some people have recovered quicker but they took treatment in the early stage itself. I am scared as I am chronic now (because I didn’t know) and might take a very long time or never recover.

Had If I recover inshallah, I would live the rest of my life mouth shut, contributing towards the deen.

# MY ONLY LAST HOPE

1)Your Duas are my only hope . A dua of a stranger is very strong

“The supplication of a Muslim for his brother in his absence will certainly be answered. Every time he makes a supplication for good for his brother, the angel appointed for this particular task says: 'Ameen! May it be for you, too”.

Sahih Muslim (Hadith 2732b) and Riyad as-Salihin (Hadith 1495).

2)I am going for a specialist assessment next week Insha Allah . Some assessment methods or treatments can cause further damage. Please pray to Allah that the specialist finds something that might be the reason behind my issue and that it is easily fixable with non-invasive treatments and yields quick results .

3)Pls share some duas/surahs that worked for you from your personal experience. I know Rabbi inni massani… La llaha illa Anta…

4)If it’s not going to work, please pray that Allah takes me away from this world. I honestly can’t bear to suffer like this until I am 50. My parents will be sad, but it is better than them seeing me suffer, and they will get used to it over time.

I BEG YOU ALL TO PLEASE PRAY TO ALLAH TO GIVE THIS MISERABLE SLAVE ONE LAST CHANCE.

This is a throwaway account.

I am aware that what you are going to read is out of your scope but I want you all to know there is a brother of yours going through this

I can’t believe I am writing this. My life is now a ticking clock.

I have been a long time lurker of all Islamic subs. I thought my first post here would be something different. However, Allah has his own plans, isn’t he… Qadr Allah

I am a male going through a rare health condition. Currently living alone in West. The part which it is affected is none other than my private part. I have no clue how I got this. It started 2 years ago, first I thought I was having another condition. I spent atleast 18 months praying not to end up with that. It got stable and I was moving on with my life..However, recently I realised I am also having symptoms of another genital condition with a more neurological cause and it is progressing. THERE IS NO KOWN CURE OR TREATMENT FOR THIS. What works for one might not work for other.
Few people who started like this has even ended becoming permanently disabled or bed ridden

All this after I found a girl that I can marry and settle (Arrange marriage). This girl is Masha Allah beautiful, practicing, invested in deen, all our values align.

We found her after a lot of search. She can definitely get someone far better than me in terms of wealth, looks and deen. When her proposal first came, I had to reject as she was out of my league. Surprisingly our families spoke again regarding an unrelated matter and I expressed my wish to talk to her. She was kind enough to accept my request although I rejected her before. She is that girl who is deen oriented, zero ego, a dream girl for many men.

If things won’t work for me, I have to CALL THIS OFF.

CAN YOU ALL IMAGINE MY PAIN.

I spent my whole life working on academics, staying away from a lot of things. Never had any relationship, never did any drugs/alcohol. My friends used to make fun of me for not enjoying a lot of things. Besides, I was that guy who advised and warn my friends not to engage in haram things. They used to ask me, if you don’t enjoy now when are going to enjoy (I am aware none of this matter).

I ALWAYS FEARED BECOMING THAT DISCIPLINED PERSON WHO REFRAINS FROM A LOT OF THINGS OUT OF THE FEAR OF GOD, ONLY TO HAVE THEIR LIFE RUINED AT THE VERY LAST MOMENT.

ONE OF MY WORST FEAR WAS NOT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE A FAMILY LIFE.

I spend years perfecting myself to be a best husband for my future wife. Was scared to do a lot of things thinking whether if would affect my chance of getting married to a righteous person. Ever since I was a child, I have spent days and nights dreaming of how deeply I will love, cherish, and pamper my future wife. 😔

Guess what my nightmares are finally coming true…

Saying that, I am not saying I am perfect. I have done fair share of sins.

Two years ago, when I first went through this, I always wondered where I would be in two years. I'm still here..

\*I can’t focus at all on my prayers. This is occupied in my mind. Most of the time, I delay prayers but still pray before the time ends

\*I can’t wake up for Tahajjud as it would disturb my sleep and I can’t fall back to sleep again.

\* When I am awake I am always thinking about it, checking it, noticing subtle changes, picturing it whenever I’m at home.

\*When I first started to notice the signs , I read stories of few severe cases who never got cured. My problems are more and more becoming like theirs.

\*A lot of people who started like mine got better in the first few months itself and left the Reddit groups.

\* Few Muslim brothers I know there who seems to be optimistic are still suffering for years.

\*Whenever I open those subs, the latest post is always a hopeless doom-post. Surprisingly, that person’s vent is exactly what I had in mind right before seeing it. This even happened few hours ago.

\* Barely care about personal hygiene.

**Connecting the dots**

\*Surprisingly, One day I read about this condition randomly, got really scared knowing such things existed. Few weeks later , I ended up wth the same condition.

\*I committed a grave sin of engaging with Riba, which I took for higher studies and it is is still ongoing.

\*At some points in my life , I valued dunya over deen. My practicing friends warned against this.

\*The girl I am talking to once told me that she is very confident that Allah will give her the best person. I think Allah wanted me to call this off because he has already decided to make me suffer. I also don’t want to shatter her hopes and end up being a test for her

\*When I was a kid, I overheard my mother telling my grandmother that in all of our family branches, there is always one male whose life gets ruined, and she didn't know why. I think my grandmother even agreed that it was true. When I started thinking about it, I was shocked to realize she was right. In my grandmother’s family it’s Her brother—my uncle—had his life consumed by health issues starting in his late 20s until his death in his 40s. I have always been terrified of being that one male. You can see where my life is heading to…

\* I always had an instinct since childhood that something big is coming for me.

\* I was never able to imagine my life as someone who is old or in his post 50s, which confirms that I probably die before it.

\*There is a guy who I chatted with when I first first got this condition. He is a rare severe case. Never recovered. A lot of our symptoms match. Whenever I search for my symptoms, it’s always his comments or post that appear. I am very scared I might end up in his place . I think it may be a sign from Allah to keep my hopes down

There were lot of times when I cried and prayed , I had hopes … but was it all just smoke?

Family situation (I am crying while writing this)

I am born to two innocent souls. Both suffered a lot financially to support us. Had high hopes for me. They are very relegious, non toxic parents. They only started to breath properly recently as I landed with a job . Looks like they don’t deserve any happiness in this world.

During one call, my mother was so excited talking about my wedding. She was saying about things she has planned to do or was in her mind for a long time

They won’t be able to handle this. They will go through nervous breakdown. The whole family will shatter into pieces. Both can’t handle stress.

If things won’t improve, I have to reveal this part by part. What a fate

If I don’t get cured. My only hope is to live rest of my life with my parents. I AM AFRAID THAT ALLAH WILL TAKE THEM AWAY FROM ME. I don’t how I will handle that mentally.

I haven’t seen them for a long time now. I ignore their call lot of times as I am mentally in a bad place.

I wanted to move to a Muslim country to live in a religious environment. With this condition, I won’t be because , a lot of relative residing there , I’ll be the odd one out among them , the one who can’t marry and have a family. I probably might rot rest of my life here.

I want to do Hajj, but I want to be there as a normal person without this condition. Otherwise , I won’t be able to be in the moment. I want to cry out of joy when I see Ka’aba, not thinking about this.

I might recover, but it might be too late by then. I want to marry this girl, but I have time constraints. Some people have recovered quicker but they took treatment in the early stage itself. I am scared as I am chronic now (because I didn’t know) and might take a very long time or never recover.

Had If I recover inshallah, I would live the rest of my life mouth shut, contributing towards the deen.

MY ONLY LAST HOPE

1)Your Duas are my only hope . A dua of a stranger is very strong

“The supplication of a Muslim for his brother in his absence will certainly be answered. Every time he makes a supplication for good for his brother, the angel appointed for this particular task says: 'Ameen! May it be for you, too”.

Sahih Muslim (Hadith 2732b) and Riyad as-Salihin (Hadith 1495).

2)I am going for a specialist assessment next week Insha Allah . Some assessment methods or treatments can cause further damage. Please pray to Allah that the specialist finds something that might be the reason behind my issue and that it is easily fixable with non-invasive treatments and yields quick results .

3)Pls share some duas/surahs that worked for you from your personal experience. I know Rabbi inni massani… La llaha illa Anta…

4)If it’s not going to work, please pray that Allah takes me away from this world. I honestly can’t bear to suffer like this until I am 50. My parents will be sad, but it is better than them seeing me suffer, and they will get used to it over time.

I BEG YOU ALL TO PLEASE PRAY TO ALLAH TO GIVE THIS MISERABLE SLAVE ONE LAST CHANCE.