u/Inner-Painting-4471

What is it called when you try to have a surface level relationship with someone and they keep like trying to dig at something?

Example: my mother and I don’t get along well. It’s been this way forever. She refuses to acknowledge my long standing food allergies at family holidays so I told her I wasn’t coming this past year. She yelled at me and hung up. We haven’t spoken since then. I sent a very high level (not emotional/heavy/history related at all) Mother’s Day card in the mail. She texted thank you and that she wants to acknowledge how hard our relationship is but that she does love and care about me. This comment comes after she didn’t acknowledge my birthday a few days before Mother’s Day.

I responded something simple like, glad you got the card! Have a great day! Because I genuinely don’t know the point of her always acknowledging how hard our relationship is? The talks never get resolved for reasons I could go into here but the point is that I don’t find these little comments productive. So I ignore them because I don’t want to be involved.
Worth noting that it took me YEARS to get to this point- I used to circle everything with her and just get dragged in.

What is this called? Does it have a name?

I confessed my love to a dude over a voice note and told him I was saying goodbye and that I wasn't expecting a response. Now that he hasn't responded, I feel so rejected and all I want to do is hide. Girl, what? Why am I like this?

Just FYI I don't even know if this is twin flame or if I ever believe in this but this sub seemed like the most relevant place to get help although I could also ask relationships, the neurodivergent community or spirituality, starting here first.

I feel deeply confused and I'm looking for a little bit of direction to help me.

A few years ago, I met someone with whom I just clicked in a way I thought was impossible for me. As in, this kind of connection was an entirely new experience for me. The circumstances around our meeting meant that it was impossible for anything to happen between us. Well, not impossible but I was very scared and we're both inexperienced adults on the spectrum (who unofficially diagnosed each other upon meeting) so there's a lot of complication there. There's also a lot of internal residue on both sides that would stop us from actually being together. To be clear- we've never dated, has sex, even had like an intense texting relationship. It was a fast, huge connection over a few days and then fell off with a big misunderstanding.

Anyway, in the years since then we've had this insane energetic connection, although it's very distant- like we'll run into each other every 6 months and something profound happens along with lots of smaller energetic hits/telepathy vs like keeping in regular, intentional contact. In the past month, after one of these run-ins, I decided finally that I wanted to pursue this in a way that's more real so I asked him to help me with something. He came over, we're both super shy and like trying to figure out each other's circumstances but it's quite clear that we're both still interested and have been doing a lot of inner work. We also both feel deeply rejected by the other even though that's not real.

I decided to take this interaction as a green light to try and finally get closer to him so I sent him a text to invite him over and I didn't hear back. Ever. In the weeks that followed I decided to send him a voice message outlining everything that has happened between us from my side, which we've never been able to discuss due to nervous system activation on both sides. It was really sweet, caring and centered around his experience. In the message, I told him goodbye and that I was letting go. Because I think I am supposed to do that! Like all of this inner work has centered around him as the goal but it's not happening so I'm trying to let him go for my own sanity. He didn't respond to me. And now, via following my own intuition without the intention of seeing him (I actively want to hide at this point), I run into him everywhere but before he sees me, I leave. On one hand, I feel a very powerful sense of love toward him and think that's the point even if he's not interested or available and on the other hand, I am clearly not letting go. Like this isn't resolving and I can't seem to just drop it.

I use the iChing to ask about this and it's been helpful but the answers are getting increasingly complicated and I'm just really struggling with what to do and being told via the hexagrams that I need to ask for help. I am meeting up with a non-spiritual friend this weekend to just tell her about it (i've been holding this very, very close to my chest for two years) and feel good about that but I think I need some perspective from people who have maybe been through something similar.

If being with him isn't the goal, why can I not walk away from this? What will help me to do so? Why am I telling a person goodbye when all I want to do is be with him? And why can't he see my intentions that are genuinely so sweet and loving even if I said the words goodbye? Note: the goal wasn't to manipulate but like this clearly isn't landing and I genuinely don't get it. Where am I going wrong with this?

I was diagnosed with adhd in the past few years and also have a background of trauma with c-ptsd which, while somewhat of a life long journey, is pretty much in remission now.

My therapist/the person who gave me the adhd assessment, want to keep looping me back to trauma as an explanation for all of my sensory differences (they also don't have the ability to test for autism) but I don't think that's the full story for me especially as I keep receiving feedback that I'm autistic. I'm looking for a recommendation locally where I can get an autism assessment and from there, hopefully understand how all of these diagnosis stack together. And, simultaneously, I don't know if it's even necessary to do this but I think it will be helpful to understand the full picture of how my brain functions.

thanks in advance for any recs.