u/InnerPsych

Is that normal or its a sign of over working?

34F.

On many days I feel proud of how far I have come. And even joy of surviving. Having faced CSA and shame for it in an indian family and then facing marriage pressure. I feel relief and fought through the pressure and was succeful in staying single till now. I wanted to choose someone when I feel safe.

But I was watching reels of a young couple in 20s enjoying calm evening. And grief hit me. I could have wanted and have been in a relationship in my 20s too. I understand it could have been risky too but this time grief hits me. That I lost that time. I lost the self who would want to love openly. Who would not struggle with avoiding emotional and physical intimacy. I would never have it. It was stolen from me.