u/InsaneAffliction

I have been using a benzo every day for about 10-11 weeks. I stopped on the 8th of May. Ever since, I have felt extreme anxiety every day. The feeling is horrible.

Today, it feels like it's the worst it's been. It's been 10 days. I have read that withdrawal from benzos peaks between 10-14 days. I'm really hoping that this is the peak of my discomfort.

Has anyone used benzos before for an extended period of more than 30 days, and if so, can you give some insight into when the anxious feeling starts to dissipate?

They make you believe (and also believe themselves) that there's something, innately, wrong with you so that whenever they do wrong to you, they can feel right.

I don't know how many times my narc mother would say "there's something wrong with you," and the GC older sibling adopted this belief and hence became a narc abuser himself.

It all boils down to feeling superior to others, hence why the scapegoat is always seen as "lesser than."

Every single time I've confronted my abusers about the abuse, I was - almost automatically - told "you're not taking responsibility for your own life."

I've just realized that I've been gaslit my whole young adult life. I was actually taking responsibility in acknowledging that I've been abused, and - so sardonically and ironic - the abusers gaslit me into believing the abuse never happened in the first place.

It's this weird world that the narc lives in, whereby reality isn't real but it's also real enough for them to impose it upon you when they need to. They push the boundaries, and contort reality, and then when you question it, they tell you you're crazy.

Personally, I've had enough. I was raised by an extremely intelligent narc mother, and the golden child older sibling - who skipped 3 grades - turned out to be a narc who ensued his abuse upon me because of her teachings.

I'm done. Dealing with a highly intelligent narc is like trying to argue with a wall. You give it all you got, but in the end all that you end up with are bruised fists.

It's crazy to me how someone can abuse a defenseless child for years and years and then completely alleviate themselves of any shame or guilt and completely deny reality and tell YOU, the abused, that "it never happened." It gives a feeling of being injusticed, and it's even more irritating that my abusive narcs (older sibling and mother) are supposedly living wonderful lives where they're just these super wonderful people. GC older sibling has children and narc mother is the "best grandmother ever" and she's so "sweet". She paints now and bakes.

It's crazy how someone can spend their whole life being extraordinarily harmful to others (narc mother has been abusing/berating/belittling/emasculating her husband - my father (who also was highly physically abusive with me to let out his anger) - since they met) and then have complete freedom and be able to never face their abuse nor have any accountability.

How many of you have narc parents who completely deny that any abuse happened? My guess would be the vast majority of you/us.

Hey all. I've posted here quite a few times. I posted quite a few months ago about how much Ketamine therapy has helped me. Well, it's been a few more months and the progress is continuing and I've now crossed the point where I finally feel hopeful and as though I can be myself and be comfortable in my skin.

I'd like to help others out here and help guide them to becoming stronger and developing real self-esteem. I know just how hopeless it feels trying to be treated and for treatment to work for those with CPTSD. Luckily, something has worked for me.

Therefore, I'm opening an AMA and would like to answer any questions you have as to how YOU can, also, become free and liberated from the "prison" that is CPTSD.