u/InsideImplement7

I think in theory, most men want their partner to 'make them feel like a king'.

But seemingly for some men, that means being complimented, desired, supported, and respected. And for others... we're talking more like worshipped, served, obeyed, and doted on. So let's get practical... what specific actions do your partner(s) take (or you wish they would take) that make you feel like you're on top of the world?

ETA: I'm fine to hear about stuff in the bedroom but that seems a bit obvious so I guess I'm more interested in stuff outside of it.

Mostly issues with search.

(1) Is there any way to make it easier and quicker to find MY OWN EXISTING LIBRARY when I search? Why do I have to click on 'library' to make sure I can find my own playlists or songs I already liked when I search a word? Shouldn't it be obvious that that's probably what I'm looking for first?

(2) If I search "Redwoods" why do I have to scroll past 80 mostly unrelated Apple Music or corporate account playlists to find cool playlists by real users that are named after redwoods in some way? And when I finally get to user playlists why are those sorted alphabetically instead of prioritizing playlists with lots of songs and views/plays (e.g. quality)? Is there a way I can indicate that I want to search only playlists by users?

(3) I'm a user who frequently plays kids' music. If I search in the box for (or ask Siri to play) "cock a doodle doo" you'd think it would be obvious that I want one of the 40 or so kids' songs named that, like maybe the one I play 30 times a week, and probably not a random explicit rap song I have literally never played before.

(4) On another platform-that-shall-not-be-named, I can search for 'rainy weeknight' and probably find like 50 other playlists people have made exactly for that vibe. Is the fact that ZERO come up when I search that (and many other phrases) on Apple because the user base is different or because either the platform itself or the search is hostile to making and/or finding that kind of playlist?

I'm 38f, married 8 years to 43M with a 2 year old child. My husband is somewhere in the 30-60 day mark (I do not keep close tabs on his sobriety as a boundary right now) of sobriety from sex addiction after D-day close to 3 months ago. I believe he is truly sober. I have seen some minor changes in his personality but it is still early.

I went 'pain shopping' today (for one of the first times) and while it seemed to confirm his sobriety, I saw a lot of web searches, older chats, etc, and internal ruminations about his former habits that were enlightening. I didn't feel that much pain or betrayal. I felt... disgust, revulsion, and embarrassment about being with someone who thinks and says these things. Being an addict and cheating is one thing on its own... but the mindset it involves about women and himself in my husband's case is truly revolting to me. I already knew it somewhat of course after the discovery and felt this way to some extent, but what I saw today really drove home how little he thinks or ever thought about me, the women he was exploiting and fantasizing about, or really ANYTHING but his own status, approval, desirability, getting his rocks off and being validated (and all the while making me feel anything but validated) etc.

I knew that was an aspect of him but to realize how all-consuming it really was and has always been just makes me see everything between us in a different light and I cannot picture ever, like, feeling romantic or sexual about him again. I see all these posts from women with cheating spouses who are 'hysterical bonding' and who miss their husbands and the intimacy and feel sad when he wants porn or his AP and not them... when my husband so much as tells me I look good these days I want to gag.

I have not closed the door on reconciliation and I do understand that much of this behavior is symptoms of active addiction, but to now realize that he has been in active addiction basically our entire relationship means I have never had a relationship with another version of him. The only reason I'm still here honestly is that I want to be absolutely sure there is no chance of reconciliation, since splitting would mean sharing custody of our daughter.

I would love to hear if anyone has felt like this and actually managed to feel differently after working on it long enough.

I'm 38f, married 8 years to 43M with a 2 year old child. My husband is somewhere in the 30-60 day mark (I do not keep close tabs on his sobriety as a boundary right now) after D-day close to 3 months ago. I believe he is truly sober. I have seen some minor changes in his personality but it is still early.

I went 'pain shopping' today (for one of the first times) and while it seemed to confirm his sobriety, I saw a lot of web searches, older chats, etc, and internal ruminations about his former habits that were enlightening. I didn't feel that much pain or betrayal. I felt... disgust, revulsion, and embarrassment about being with someone who thinks and says these things. Being an addict and cheating is one thing on its own... but the mindset it involves about women and himself in my husband's case is truly revolting to me. I already knew it somewhat of course after the discovery and felt this way to some extent, but what I saw today really drove home how little he thinks or ever thought about me, the women he was exploiting and fantasizing about, or really ANYTHING but his own status, approval, desirability, getting his rocks off and being validated (and all the while making me feel anything but validated) etc.

I knew that was an aspect of him but to realize how all-consuming it really was and has always been just makes me see everything between us in a different light and I cannot picture ever, like, feeling romantic or sexual about him again. I see all these posts from women who are 'hysterical bonding' and who miss their husbands and the intimacy and feel sad when he wants porn and not them... when my husband so much as tells me I look good these days I want to gag.

I have not closed the door on reconciliation and I do understand that much of this behavior is symptoms of active addiction, but to now realize that he has been in active addiction basically our entire relationship means I have never had a relationship with another version of him. The only reason I'm still here honestly is that I want to be absolutely sure there is no chance of reconciliation, since splitting would mean sharing custody of our daughter.

I would love to hear if anyone has felt like this and actually managed to feel differently once their SA had been sober long enough.