u/Inside_Fisherman_317

I have a healthy, beautiful 9mo baby girl. I love her to death and would do anything for her. My husband is a wonderful father and husband too. But on the days that I’m off of work (I work 3 days a week) I am miserable when he comes home from work. It’s like I don’t want to share her or something. But I do! I love watching them two together. But this only hits me at night when she’s in her crib fast asleep. (I call it the night time scaries)

On top of that, I feel overwhelmed. I work part time, and am a wife and mother full time. It’s been almost 10 months. Why haven’t I gotten used to juggling all of that yet? Why have I lost interest in things I love doing? Or why am I not taking care of myself? Is this post partum depression or normal depression? Idk but I had two panic attacks tonight because my husband asked me what I wanted to do - put our daughter down for bed or make dinner.

I have this thing in my head where when he gets home from work, it’s like my time is done and it’s a shift change like at work. But that’s not how it’s supposed to be!! That’s not how we work so idk where I got this idea in my head that that’s how it is. But when I have to do something when he’s home sometimes, I get so angry that I just want to punch a wall (I’d never do anything to harm any one of us I’m not suicidal and I don’t want anything to end) I feel guilty for having these feelings. Because when I’m away from them, I feel lost. Like idk what to do with myself. But when I’m with them, sometimes I just want to be alone. It makes no sense I can’t understand it. I’m usually really good at trying to figure out my thoughts and feelings but I just can’t understand all of this back and forth with my emotions.

I know I need to do better for all of us. I can’t keep doing this to myself and to them. But idk where to start or what to do. I don’t think I need to talk to someone, but maybe I do. I really can’t at the moment since we don’t have health insurance at the moment. So I’m hoping that me saying this on here will help a little being that post partum is probably what’s happening. I’ve talked to my husband about it and he’s been graceful and trying to help and understand, but he just can’t since he hasn’t been through this before.

I don’t think I need a solution to this. Maybe just some relation I guess? I feel so alone in all of this and I just don’t get it at all unfortunately

Our 9.5mo girl has always been a great sleeper! When she was born, she probably would’ve slept through the night if we didn’t need to wake her for feeds.

At 4mo we decided we’d put her on a schedule because she was grumpy by specific times of the day and that helped a ton. Then we sleep trained her at 5mo and it got to the point where we’d be able to lay her down, and she’d put herself to sleep no problem and sleep through the night.

However, as of a week and a half ago, she has been needing us to hold her while she falls asleep. For context - there was a day a couple of weeks prior where she needed to take a nap but she took it on me. She wouldn’t go down in my in laws crib that they have for her.

First it started with her naps. She still needs it for naps, but she’ll transfer to the crib, wake up but go back to sleep by herself. But at night, lately my husband repeatedly will lay her down and she’ll keep trying to get back up and stand up by grabbing the railings of her crib. She’ll eventually fall asleep that way but if we do just that, it’ll take 45 mins for her to go to sleep. If we don’t pick her up she’ll cry or whine until we do. And she’ll freak out if we walk away. We think it’s either separation anxiety, or 9mo sleep regression.

Now when I lay her down, she NEEDS me to hold her until she falls asleep. She will cry her eyes out if I don’t pick her up and try to do my husbands strategy.

Has anyone been in this position before? She’ll sleep through the night once she’s down, and is really great at connecting sleep cycles. We just don’t know if me picking her up and my husband eventually caving in and picking her up is creating a bad habit and breaking her independence and she’s just relying on us to fall asleep out of the blue. Or is she going through a regression or separation anxiety?

Any input is as always, greatly appreciated!

Our 9.5mo girl has always been a great sleeper! When she was born, she probably would’ve slept through the night if we didn’t need to wake her for feeds.

At 4mo we decided we’d put her on a schedule because she was grumpy by specific times of the day and that helped a ton. Then we sleep trained her at 5mo and it got to the point where we’d be able to lay her down, and she’d put herself to sleep no problem and sleep through the night.

However, as of a week and a half ago, she has been needing us to hold her while she falls asleep. For context - there was a day a couple of weeks prior where she needed to take a nap but she took it on me. She wouldn’t go down in my in laws crib that they have for her.

First it started with her naps. She still needs it for naps, but she’ll transfer to the crib, wake up but go back to sleep by herself. But at night, lately my husband repeatedly will lay her down and she’ll keep trying to get back up and stand up by grabbing the railings of her crib. She’ll eventually fall asleep that way but if we do just that, it’ll take 45 mins for her to go to sleep. If we don’t pick her up she’ll cry or whine until we do. And she’ll freak out if we walk away. We think it’s either separation anxiety, or 9mo sleep regression.

Now when I lay her down, she NEEDS me to hold her until she falls asleep. She will cry her eyes out if I don’t pick her up and try to do my husbands strategy.

Has anyone been in this position before? She’ll sleep through the night once she’s down, and is really great at connecting sleep cycles. We just don’t know if me picking her up and my husband eventually caving in and picking her up is creating a bad habit and breaking her independence and she’s just relying on us to fall asleep out of the blue. Or is she going through a regression or separation anxiety?

Any input is as always, greatly appreciated!