TLDR:
constantly analysing even own thought process, strong sense of justice, misinterpreting social cues or understanding and disregarding, social anxiety, scalp picking, pacing in circles, liking being alone but feeling like you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing, having breakdowns, not caring about hygeine and grooming until somebody told you smelled of B.O/had a monobrow, feeling alien, sensory issues (issues with fatty pieces of meat and certain textures), obsessive thoughts, bluntness, out-of-the-norm views/opinions, logical, objective, good at pattern recognition, having flat affect, masking, shaking arms around everywhere/making sounds when upset, appearing very normal especially when masking around others and I suppose high functioning?
Ok so,
imagine being a teen and feeling like something was almost 'different' about you, at the same time, feeling like the things you were doing were normal -- how you percieved the world -- was normal, or at least akin to how other people see their world.
as a teenager not really fully outcast and having friends; albeit casual ones, and liked to talk with everyone, even if they weren't really in your group of friends. Having a group of friends with a hierarcy within the group and all the females within the group exhibiting catty and mean behaviour liking to gossip about one another and feeling this is strange and never understanding what people would get out of doing this.
other women you've befriended in the past have often wanted you to sort of 'be like them' and when you communicate to
them, like, 'nah, actually I'm fine with being myself and you doing xyz with another friend instead, and we can do this together' it seems to annoys them. It's like when you don't particpate in behaviour that they do, or, boxes they want
you to fit in, they get angry; sort of like they're annoyed they can't exert their ways onto you.
being banned from many online groups because they say you're 'weird' or 'rude' while you think you're blunt and honest and refuse to mask and pretend you're somebody you're not -- when you do, you're exhausted and tired of smiling, or pretending you're bubbly, or engaging in the things they want to talk about because 'that's the thing you're supposed to say or do'
having a strong sense of justice and disliking when people do 'your' hobby wrong, like, it becomes popular online and you know everybody only likes said thing because of its popularity..or, for me, the other day someone shouted something about a fly being on the wall and I took it literally while the person was simply responding with a common phrase.
does this sound...familiar to anyone here? I feel alone and I guess I'd like to know if this resonates with others.