u/InspectorGreedy6377

Recently on a work trip where I was leading a team where everyone was more experienced than me.

From the start I was a bit anxious due to that situation. The most experienced person who probably should have been the lead but didn’t want to do it disregard a few of my early directions and told me they weren’t necessary. So from the start I felt a bit out of step.

Then the other woman on my team, who I consider a friend outside of work, started making a few (not sure of the right work) jabs a me. I don’t know if it was her playfully teasing me or what. But it started me down a spiral that I couldn’t get out of for the two week trip. The comments weren’t overly hurtful: you’re running around like a headless chook, laughing when I tried a failed to close a tub properly, telling me what to do when I was in the middle of something else - leading me to be frazzled and just not doing anything properly.

I really respect this person. I look up to her, and on this trip I didn’t want to look like an idiot.

It had me on the verge of tears in the middle of the work day multiple times. It made me more and more sensitive to whatever she was saying. To the point where I don’t know if what she was saying was mean and negative or if I was just taking everything the wrong way.

I got into a pretty negative headspace. Pretty much every time I spoke about myself or answered a question it was in a negative light. Not that I was angry or mean to other people. Just that I took everything they were saying negatively. I do regularly have negative thoughts about myself but actively try to not speak like this around other people. However on this trip I just lost the filter completely.

I am in therapy at the moment doing cbt I tried the exercises my therapist gave me but nothing seemed to work. It just made me focus on everything more and more and over analyse everything more.

Does anyone have any ideas what happened to me, why I was so quick to spiral and not me able to get out of it? Does any one have any suggestions on how to stop the spiral in the moment? The spiral that has me on the verge of tears at work? I feel so pathetic after this trip

Hi,

I’ve recently purchased my first property. It is a two bed two bath apartment with one car space. The unit is approximately ten years old and in good condition. There is a 2x2 m storage room.

It is in a major city. Approx 2.5 km from a train station. Easy access to the main freeway. A walk away from parks, a big shopping center, and other facilities.

I have decided it is in my best interest to get a housemate. I need help working out how much rent to charge the person.

I will take the master bedroom (walk in robe and ensuite). They will have a bedroom with a built in wardrobe and have the main bathroom mostly to themselves - visitors would likely use that bathroom and it also houses the laundry which I would use maybe once or twice a week.

All other spaces would be shared spaces. Not sure about the car space. I’d be open to share it or if they wanted it they could pay more to have exclusive access.

I would provide all furniture and appliances for the kitchen, bathroom, living room and balcony. I’d be open to them bringing in some furniture in the shared spaces if they wanted. I could also furnish the bedroom if they needed.

How do I work out how much rent to charge? My monthly repayments are currently ~$2750 per month. I like living by myself so the rent would have to be worthwhile for me to share my space.

Thanks in advance

I was away for a work trip. I was a team leader. My team consisted of two others, both a lot more experienced than me. Both I respected. One was a later career male who maybe should have been the team lead but didn’t want to be in charge. One was a woman about 7 years more experienced than me who also works in my team but on a separate project. I really respect this woman. She is my friend outside of work and I look up to her on both ways. She has independtably invited me to group events, expressed sadness when I can’t attended and then happiness when I can attend.

She is more experienced than me and I enjoy working with her when she is leading.

A comment she made recently made me think she has some type of diagnosed mental health thing. And is on medication for it.

I didn’t have much experience in the project skills but neither did she.

I am 30 ish with about ten years experience.

It was a two week trip. I started the trip by being told no on how to do somethings by the man. This threw me a bit. But I recovered and just relented to the things that were not a big deal and stuck to my original decision on this things that did matter. It was fine and the work progressed without issue.

The woman, my friend, pretty much from the start started correcting me and telling me what to do. I don’t mind that too much, but also it put me off. I generally have a plan in my head and when people suggest changes it can throw me off. Some examples are: starting to do something and her telling me to do something else; on the drive home just the two of us her telling me I was running around like a headless chook and then she took it back ( maybe I was a bit non stop but the work was a bit full on).

One day, after she worked with my colleague (who is my equal) she twice compared how worked to how she worked. The second time she did it infront of a regional associate. When, in the car on the way home, I brought it up and asked her not to compare my colleague and I in-front of others - that I don’t mind taking feedback and making changes when needed - she said “mate you’re always going to be compared to [ your colleague] all I did was say they were working differently to you.”

She wouldn’t really chat to me on the drive to site. Which is fine but around d others she would chat and laugh etc. I would try and start conversation and she would answer my questions but not continue it. In summary the two weeks were kind of filled with her correcting me, telling me I was acting too hectically.

This led me to spiral. Think: tearing up, not able to chat in the group, all decision making not working properly. Trying to please everyone in the team but then she would correct me or tell me again that o was a headless chicken. Or laugh and say WOW.

Laugh at me for things such as not closing a box properly. We are friends out of work. But haven’t joked like this before. So I took it personally. I also tried to joke around with her and others but she always seemed to take my jokes seriously and the wrong way. Which upset me more.

This made me spiral a lot. Which made my negative self talk more evident. She then started commenting on how I was always so quick to the negative extreme.

I suppose this whole story is to ask why she was like that to me. She has been my friend for two years and on her projects we have worked together well. The way we interacted this trip just made me fall to pieces and I don’t know why the dynamic changed so much.

I am swinging between that she never liked me and this trip just made it evident. And also that she was treating me fine and I just completely lost it and reacted so completely wrong.

Does anyone have any advice?

I was away for a work trip. I was a team leader. My team consisted of two others, both a lot more experienced than me. Both I respected. One was a later career male who maybe should have been the team lead but didn’t want to be in charge. One was a woman about 7 years more experienced than me who also works in my team but on a separate project. I really respect this woman. She is my friend outside of work and I look up to her on both ways. She has independently invited me to group events, expressed sadness when I can’t attended and then happiness when I can attend.

She is more experienced than me and I enjoy working with her when she is leading.

A comment she made recently made me think she has some type of diagnosed mental health thing. And is on medication for it.

I didn’t have much experience in the project skills but neither did she.

I am 30 ish with about ten years experience.

It was a two week trip. I started the trip by being told no on how to do somethings by the man. This threw me a bit. But I recovered and just relented to the things that were not a big deal and stuck to my original decision on this things that did matter. It was fine and the work progressed without issue.

The woman, my friend, pretty much from the start started correcting me and telling me what to do. I don’t mind that too much, but also it put me off. I generally have a plan in my head and when people suggest changes it can throw me off. Some examples are: starting to do something and her telling me to do something else; on the drive home just the two of us her telling me I was running around like a headless chook and then she took it back ( maybe I was a bit non stop but the work was a bit full on).

One day, after she worked with my colleague (who is my equal) she twice compared how worked to how she worked. The second time she did it infront of a regional associate. When, in the car on the way home, I brought it up and asked her not to compare my colleague and I in-front of others - that I don’t mind taking feedback and making changes when needed - she said “mate you’re always going to be compared to \[ your colleague\] all I did was say they were working differently to you.”

She wouldn’t really chat to me on the drive to site. Which is fine but around d others she would chat and laugh etc. I would try and start conversation and she would answer my questions but not continue it. In summary the two weeks were kind of filled with her correcting me, telling me I was acting too hectically.

This led me to spiral. Think: tearing up, not able to chat in the group, all decision making not working properly. Trying to please everyone in the team but then she would correct me or tell me again that o was a headless chicken. Or laugh and say WOW.

Laugh at me for things such as not closing a box properly. We are friends out of work. But haven’t joked like this before. So I took it personally. I also tried to joke around with her and others but she always seemed to take my jokes seriously and the wrong way. Which upset me more.

This made me spiral a lot. Which made my negative self talk more evident. She then started commenting on how I was always so quick to the negative extreme.

I suppose this whole story is to ask why she was like that to me. She has been my friend for two years and on her projects we have worked together well. The way we interacted this trip just made me fall to pieces and I don’t know why the dynamic changed so much.

I am swinging between that she never liked me and this trip just made it evident. And also that she was treating me fine and I just completely lost it and reacted so completely wrong.

Does anyone have any advice?