u/Inspirational_c00ch3

this one is a little bit long so PSA this is me VENTING SO IM SORRY IF ITS NOT PERFECT im new to reddit fo please beware

hey i 28(F) married my husband 40(M) October of last year, to give you a little bit of back story i met him at work we instantly were a match and everything was perfect until he started to introduce me to his family.

My first interaction with his family was immediate tension, his cousin Sarah 30 (F) pressed me as soon as i came into the door no “hey” or anything she immediately got in my face and said she was staring at my instagram, and she didnt realize i was this tall and big in person and that she will still beat my ass no matter my size . This bully interrogation went on for at-least a awkward 10-15 minutes before all the other family members that were laughing were no longer laughing, the rest of that evening went stale and dry, when we got back in the car i cried to him about how uncomfortable that made me feel! He said not to worry about it and that she always does that and to “stop being so sensitive “

We went back over there about a week or so later for there “Mothers day Sunday Dinner” which is where majority of his family gathers to eat and catch up!

Soon as we walk in it gets quiet and awkward which in a way i understand because of our age-gap so i never tried to press the issue much, “Give me my BABY “ which is what sarahs sister Tara 34 (F) said to me soon as i walked in , i proceed to pick up her 2 year old son and head toward her in the dinning room , soon as i handed him over i made a light hearted friendly joke saying “ if you ever needed someone to watch this cute little fella ill be ya gal “ essentially just trying to break the ice she stands up and says “ Btch I DONT KNOW YOU “ infront of the whole entire family. i didnt know how to take it or what to do i went in the living room and silently sobbed. cried to him again and he says yet again “ stop being so sensitive she was just joking back “ :(
Later that evening they did a mothers day prayer while the GREAT UNCLE is praying he says something around the lines of “Thank god for allowing our family to gather on this day “ MID PRAYER - Tara Cuts him off saying “ Everyone HERE ISNT FAMILY “

when we got back in the car i was FURIOUS , i asked my boyfriend why didnt you say anything ? he said he didnt see what was wrong , from that moment i stayed away from all of his family gatherings!

the day he proposed i was so ecstatic when i said yes the first people he called was his family and they said “Your really proposed to her “ and all these hasty questions he begged me to go over there so we could celebrate together , we open the door and they are all staring at us , “Let me see the ring “ “Oh my gosh your nails arent done “ “ This is so ghetto “ are a few comments i remember them saying , from here it turned into a family fued , i told them im going to try my best” to be the best friend and wife he needs “ they continued to interrogate me “ We dont even KNOW YOU “ “ your going to be a HORRIBLE MOM “ soon as they said that i broke down crying and sobbing , they told me i dont know all he has been through and i dont deserve a man like him essentially made this memorable day for us ALL ABOUT THEM !

* reminder we been together for about 1 year 8 months when he proposed *

when i got back in the car i told him i couldnt do this anymore he never protects me and makes me feel seen amongst his friends & family (NOT TO MENTION WHEN ONE OF HIS FRIENDS SMACKED MY BUTT AND HE TOLD ME I SHOULDVE HIT HIM INSTEAD OF HIM ADDRESSING HIS FRIENDS )

so to speed it up to this situation , we have been married for a little over 6 months , and one of his vowels was to be a better husband than he was a boyfriend , he is a mechanic and his cousin Sarah needed her car fixed , so while he was fixing her car outside , she was inside essentially interrogating me “ dont you think yall got married too fast “ “ you do know he is going to leave you right “ then she said i really just feel like your a PICK ME and you dont have a back bone and thats why we have been treating you like that , essentially trying to make it seem like it was some harmless prank for the past 3+ years and i made it weird by not saying or doing anything back to them !

When she left i went on my 7-8th RANT about him and his family dynamic and how its affecting my mental health because now she is in OUR house being DISRESPECTFUL TO ME ! and due to him never setting things straight this is how things look , looking back at it i thought things would get better and they would get used to having me around but no they bullied me and he gaslit me to believe i was being sensitive!

after i cried to him and expressed my hurt something clicked in my brain that he is afraid to loose his friends and family more than he is afraid to loose me. he didnt care what they did he justified it each and everytime just for her to be in my face admitting it and he STILL DOWNPLAYED THAT!

emotionally im drained i thought he wouldve changed but i realize he is just a little boy in a grown mans body and isnt truly ready for a wife , i told him i wanted a divorce two days ago , he doesnt speak on the matter he is very cold and distant , we still sleep in the same bed but its not the same , he hasnt tried to sway me to not get a divorce he is just taking it, i start a new job offer in 4 Weeks where i live we have to be seperated for 6 months , during that time i plan to go no contact ! and just decompress and move on !

Facts - He never once addressed his family he said he did it while i was around but from what i heard he was agreeing with them saying im sensitive and dont know how to take a joke !
- he never addressed the friend that violated me
- he never addressed the cousin that was just in the house being disrespectful
- plenty of other situations where he as left me open and unprotected as well

cons - im here because i have nobody to validate this experience and let me know im not wrong , my mother and father / cousin & grandma are deceased i have a 7 year old brother and a great auntie but she is elderly and lives very far away , he is saying im leaving a good relationship for no reason but i think its a character flaw and im ready to walk away

so am i the asshole for wanting to get a divorce after only 7 months of marriage?

EDIT - i want to add that i have been grieving my parents really really hard and it really felt good to have somebody , hell anybody …. i know i fucked up … im learning and im trying to get it together i also think it plays a roll in my last relationship my partner was severely abusive and i though maybe because he doesnt beat me or verbally abuse me there is still some potential there and he is a good man :(

this one is a little bit long so PSA this is me VENTING SO IM SORRY IF ITS NOT PERFECT i am new to reddit so please bare with me ***

hey i 28(F) married my husband 40(M) October of last year, to give you a little bit of back story i met him at work we instantly were a match and everything was perfect until he started to introduce me to his family.

My first interaction with his family was immediate tension, his cousin Sarah 30 (F) pressed me as soon as i came into the door no “hey” or anything she immediately got in my face and said she was staring at my instagram, and she didnt realize i was this tall and big in person and that she will still beat my ass no matter my size . This bully interrogation went on for at-least a awkward 10-15 minutes before all the other family members that were laughing were no longer laughing, the rest of that evening went stale and dry, when we got back in the car i cried to him about how uncomfortable that made me feel! He said not to worry about it and that she always does that and to “stop being so sensitive “

We went back over there about a week or so later for there “Mothers day Sunday Dinner” which is where majority of his family gathers to eat and catch up!

Soon as we walk in it gets quiet and awkward which in a way i understand because of our age-gap so i never tried to press the issue much, “Give me my BABY “ which is what sarahs sister Tara 34 (F) said to me soon as i walked in , i proceed to pick up her 2 year old son and head toward her in the dinning room , soon as i handed him over i made a light hearted friendly joke saying “ if you ever needed someone to watch this cute little fella ill be ya gal “ essentially just trying to break the ice she stands up and says “ Btch I DONT KNOW YOU “ infront of the whole entire family. i didnt know how to take it or what to do i went in the living room and silently sobbed. cried to him again and he says yet again “ stop being so sensitive she was just joking back “ :(
Later that evening they did a mothers day prayer while the GREAT UNCLE is praying he says something around the lines of “Thank god for allowing our family to gather on this day “ MID PRAYER - Tara Cuts him off saying “ Everyone HERE ISNT FAMILY “

when we got back in the car i was FURIOUS , i asked my boyfriend why didnt you say anything ? he said he didnt see what was wrong , from that moment i stayed away from all of his family gatherings!

the day he proposed i was so ecstatic when i said yes the first people he called was his family and they said “Your really proposed to her “ and all these hasty questions he begged me to go over there so we could celebrate together , we open the door and they are all staring at us , “Let me see the ring “ “Oh my gosh your nails arent done “ “ This is so ghetto “ are a few comments i remember them saying , from here it turned into a family fued , i told them im going to try my best” to be the best friend and wife he needs “ they continued to interrogate me “ We dont even KNOW YOU “ “ your going to be a HORRIBLE MOM “ soon as they said that i broke down crying and sobbing , they told me i dont know all he has been through and i dont deserve a man like him essentially made this memorable day for us ALL ABOUT THEM !

* reminder we been together for about 1 year 8 months when he proposed *

when i got back in the car i told him i couldnt do this anymore he never protects me and makes me feel seen amongst his friends & family (NOT TO MENTION WHEN ONE OF HIS FRIENDS SMACKED MY BUTT AND HE TOLD ME I SHOULDVE HIT HIM INSTEAD OF HIM ADDRESSING HIS FRIENDS )

so to speed it up to this situation , we have been married for a little over 6 months , and one of his vowels was to be a better husband than he was a boyfriend , he is a mechanic and his cousin Sarah needed her car fixed , so while he was fixing her car outside , she was inside essentially interrogating me “ dont you think yall got married too fast “ “ you do know he is going to leave you right “ then she said i really just feel like your a PICK ME and you dont have a back bone and thats why we have been treating you like that , essentially trying to make it seem like it was some harmless prank for the past 3+ years and i made it weird by not saying or doing anything back to them !

When she left i went on my 7-8th RANT about him and his family dynamic and how its affecting my mental health because now she is in OUR house being DISRESPECTFUL TO ME ! and due to him never setting things straight this is how things look , looking back at it i thought things would get better and they would get used to having me around but no they bullied me and he gaslit me to believe i was being sensitive!

after i cried to him and expressed my hurt something clicked in my brain that he is afraid to loose his friends and family more than he is afraid to loose me. he didnt care what they did he justified it each and everytime just for her to be in my face admitting it and he STILL DOWNPLAYED THAT!

emotionally im drained i thought he wouldve changed but i realize he is just a little boy in a grown mans body and isnt truly ready for a wife , i told him i wanted a divorce two days ago , he doesnt speak on the matter he is very cold and distant , we still sleep in the same bed but its not the same , he hasnt tried to sway me to not get a divorce he is just taking it, i start a new job offer in 4 Weeks where i live we have to be seperated for 6 months , during that time i plan to go no contact ! and just decompress and move on !

Facts - He never once addressed his family he said he did it while i was around but from what i heard he was agreeing with them saying im sensitive and dont know how to take a joke !
- he never addressed the friend that violated me
- he never addressed the cousin that was just in the house being disrespectful
- plenty of other situations where he as left me open and unprotected as well

cons - im here because i have nobody to validate this experience and let me know im not wrong , my mother and father / cousin & grandma are deceased i have a 7 year old brother and a great auntie but she is elderly and lives very far away , he is saying im leaving a good relationship for no reason but i think its a character flaw and im ready to walk away

so am i the asshole for wanting to get a divorce after only 7 months of marriage?

***Okay this one is going to be a little long to ensure i have everything listed like details , backstory and timeline info so bare with me , this is one of those reddit stories you read after a long day at work and a glass of wine in your hand ***

Okay For Starters we have ME 25(F) my Husband (39(M) and my mother 45 (F) to give you a little bit of back story me and my husband tied the knot last year , prior to the wedding when he proposed we got alot of push back due to our age gap relationship , me and my husband met at work and had no idea we were so different in age because we got along so well at work for context i believe im extremly mature and put together for my age and he is more rough on the edges , but also well put together and not to mention in tip top shape he looks 28 or 29 years old when you see him , when you see us together it makes total sense , he has no kids and also fit my requirements as a partner to navigate life with ! and i also have no children and we fit in each others lives like a puzzle pieces , this is all something to keep in mind when im unraveling this story !

when he proposed we had already been together for almost 2 years ! note* my mother has always depended on me financially since i was able to work as a young child , even when i was younger she would ask to store my money in a piggy bank just to later use it and cry and scream on how much she needed it , she always has insisted she couldnt pay a full bill and would constantly need anywhere from $40 - $200 depending on what the bill was ! *** NO TO MY KNOWLEDGE MY MOTHER IS NOT ON DRUGS ** since i was a young child my mother has always been in some secret competetion with ME , when i was in highschool all i head from her was “i got A’s in everything i never got a B “ or “ At your age i was already done with highschool “ essentially never really congratulating me on any accomplishments. It was always a comparison that had to be made. when i got older and started DATING THIS CHANGED TO - whatever person im dating , how her person is BETTER ** , she went to the extent to start even wearing my clothes and always bragging how much better her bf was than mine and to be honest i never really cared , i always thought it was WEIRD ! because it was !

you may want to know why all this information is important ** but dont worry we are getting there just bare with me , When i moved out , i had cut complete contact from my mother , due to so much toxicity thats really for another story another time , i ended up having to keep somewhat in contact with her because i have two underage siblings a Brother (4 y/o) and a SISTER ( 9 y/o ) that i would like to keep a relationship with , during this time , i was with my now *HUSBAND* but at the time he was my fiance and we were actively planning our wedding ! During this time i was extremely stressed out typical for all brides wanting the best day of there life to be PERFECT !! during this time she would call me every now and then to brag on her boyfriends never once telling us congratulations or anything the converations would always be her avoiding the huge elephant in the room and blantly acting like we arent planning the biggest moment of our life she would call and be like “ Heyyy girllll john just proposed to me toooo and john is just the best boyfriend ever girl i knew i would find me the most perfect man “ at first i was happy for her and was genuienly excited for her !

after a few months of planning i told her my wedding date and told her everything about the venue and how we decided to do a destination wedding she told me , she is planning to get married the same day as me “ and if she could she will pay for her part of the wedding and after me and my husband *** kiss at the altar ** she will then take her turn and come with her white dress to kiss her fiance at the altar , and not to mention she also said when i get pregnant she is too and we will be carrying at the same time ** this left me so stressed because instead of being a mother and trying to assist me she intentionally stressed me out , telling me its not that big of a deal and we can all just get married on the same day * thinking its just a phase and she was just talking , she made it a point to look for white dresses for herself and never helped me with any of my wedding planning ** additonal details * his parents have passed *

if i went to her for wedding attire she wouldnt respond but then proceed to send her OWN wedding attire, i grew sad and stressed on planning my own wedding being stressed by my own mother , once she knew the destination of where we were going she would make up FALSE THINGS ABOUT THIS PLACE she would call id answer and she say things like “ GIRL THAT ISLAND YOU GOING TO IS COMPLETELY ON FIRE AND THEY ARE HAVING A NATURAL DISASTER , YOU SHOULD GO AHEAD AND CANCEL YOUR WEDDING “ she has done this atleast 5 times at this point stressing me even more because WE ALL KNOW WEDDINGS ARE CHEAP YET ALONE DESTINATION WEDDINGS !! she would lie cheat & always make things about her during the session of PLANNING MY OWNNN WEDDING! :( she made my wedding experience extremly negative and it played a major part in my negative mental health during that time , i never got to plan a bridal shower, cause it was my first wedding and i didnt EVEN know you were even supposed to do certain things and i wouldve thought atleast your own mom wouldve told you smh

2 Months Before Wedding :

all my mom did was COMPETE IN A “FRIENDLY “ way during the planning of my whole wedding she wanted it to be about her !! as of now we are 2 months from my wedding and she called me crying she cant come to the islands with me cause she cant afford it & deep down i was okay with it because i was tired of everything she was doing ! after that crying phone call she made she made it a point to call me every friday when i got paid to ask me for money increments of $100 - $150 , $20 , $50 which start to add up quickly when your planning a wedding , she asked me for money for the last time and i told her no flat out and told her im
planning a wedding & she then CAUSED THE MOST BIGGEST SCENE ON HOW IM PAYING for a expensive ass wedding and i cant think to help my own mom out with a few dollars , & even had a few family members trying to cosign this arguement with her ! i was in such a BRIDZILLA MODE , i said all bets are off and blocked the entire family weeks before my wedding , and i was at total peace !

Days before / During :
I heard rumors of my mom saying she would storm my wedding and i changed the location to remove rhe possiblity of that happening , our wedding was great , it was so beautiful and so perfect , the people that came were loving helpful and respectful & let me know that we found a perfect match in EACH OTHER * :) we also had our destination wedding and it was BEAUTIFUL ! we stayed there and had our honey moon were we stayed for 10days and just had the most amazing time of our lives , when we came home my husband brought me a huge wedding gift , he brought me a brand new CAR !
** these little details will come into play here shortly * *

After Wedding :
a few months go by and we get settled back into the swing of things we go back to work and everything is back to normal and we roll with the flow for a few months essentially decompressing from last years stresses of wedding proposal , destiantion weddings ETC . i got a anonymous call from my little brother and sister they were telling me how much they missed me , so since they missed the wedding *which had nothing to do with them on why they couldnt come * i made it a point to say ill come and see yall ** reminder they live with my TOXIC MOM ** i drive 4 hours to come see them as soon as i get there they are so excited to see me ! Immediantly when i see my mom its the exact same thing as before she has a NEW BF AND they had just met a few months prior and instead of catching up she immediantly went into how they are about to get married , so i asked okay when is your wedding she said the date and i PUZZLED … because that was the original date of my wedding before i changed it ! she told me how he is buying her a house too and he helped her get her car and just showering me with information i didnt nesessrily ask for instead of ONCE AGAIN addressing the elephant in the room , never told me congradualtions on our marraige , just NOTHING ! :( she never once asked to look at our wedding pictures she never once stoped and sat as a MOM and thought about her daughter being grown up :( and even apologizing about any of the stressed she caused me as my mother ! NOTHING just rambling about her new bf and how good of a bf he is … :( Am i wrong for not even wanting a relationship with her , reminder its not so easy to CUT HER OFF BECAUSE I HAVE SIBLINGS THAT ARE EXTREMELY YOUNG ! i dont know how to handle the situation she is inviting me to the wedding and i dont have any appetite to go , i still feel hurt about EVERYTHING SHE DID TO ME DURING MY WEDDING , am i the asshole if i choose to cut her off completely ? whats next after this ? am i making a big deal out of this ? am i being to sesitive ?

* note , i feel like im going to have alot of resentment toward her and i am currently seeking help for tht * but is it wrong of me not to be so willing to forget and forgive im really hurt and it was my first time getting married and im going to remember her roll she played in it for the rest of my life ! :( all opinions are wellcome all advice is needed and all thoughts are comforble in the comments , tell me what you wouldve done or am i doing the right thing idk :(