u/InterchangeableFemur

I relapsed. I went 5 years without cutting. 2 months ago I broke my streak. Two days ago I gave in and cut myself in different spots and I heavily contemplated taking my gun out cause my parents triggered me.. implying it was my fault I had a difficult time in school when I am suffering with adhd, neglect, abuse and whatever else I have. When socializing I try my best to be a good person, funny, show I’m interesting and what not idk but when I’m alone sometimes I enter a cavern and I just feel so unseen. My friends never have time for me outside of work or the gym. I am completely capable of making friends, getting a gf and having awesome relationships with people. I’m attractive, I’m in good shape but it doesn’t matter. Why am I destined to be this way? I want to go to a bar and socialize with people but I don’t wanna drink and drive. So I drink and or smoke alone. I’m so lonely but it’s not like I don’t have access to people. It’s like staring out a one way mirror. I want to scream until my lungs are shredded or lay in a ditch motionless and silent until I become one with the earth at the same time.

Nobody is answering their phone and I can’t find the right subreddit. Idk.