I’m not sure I can handle this anymore
Early this year my babymother/girlfriend (26F) asked me (26M) to have an open relationship. It was a total shock to me and has been a massive change in my life. I went into it openminded but cautious because I want to marry this girl. I know that these types of relationships don’t always work out.
Over time she found two partners. One that she really connected with. She had intense NRE and completely withdrew from me. To the point where I asked if she still loves me and asked if she still wants to marry me. She said she loves me but isn’t read for marriage at this time.
Turns out that guy was a POS and that burned down in flames. Since then she has been completely withdrawn from our relationship. She’s practicing destructive habits (out til 5am five nights a week) and is really cold towards me. It got to the point where I begged her for time and attention. That’s when she told me that she wants space. That she cannot be affectionate right now and that she’s going through a quarter life crisis. She doesn’t know if she ever wants marriage. Or to live any semblance of a family lifestyle. She says that she feels like shit because she knows she’s hurting me but that she has to do this for herself.
What I am really struggling with is whether or not it’s a good idea to pause this open relationship and focus on us. I am still cautious toward the open relationship. I have gone on two dates but no connection was developed. I am trying apps but feels like a complete waste of my time. I am imploding with a sense of loneliness, financial burden, and fear that my partner will never come back to me. After a hard conversation yesterday I told her that I will give her space. What I really want to say is that I think it’s unethical for her to continue these destructive habits while neglecting our relationship. And that it’s unethical for us to keep this relationship open while ours is being pushed to its limits.
I try so fucking hard to be a good man for her. It’s shallow of me to say it but it’s important for context. She is incredibly needy and I am finding it harder and harder to give the energy that I always have. I’m afraid if I slow down my energy than she will take it as a sign to leave. I also do not know if it’s healthy for me to give so much of myself and get nothing in return. It’s been 2 months of icy coldness. How am I supposed to keep giving 110% of myself when I feel like she just wants to leave me. It almost feels like a disrespect to my self. That I deserve better and a partner who doesn’t make me question my self worth. I don’t want to feel like a simp who will let her cuckold me just because I’m desperate for any chance of getting her back to me. But I also love her so fucking much that I probably would let that happen if it meant she steps back into the role of mother and partner that I have grown to adore. Any advice y’all?