u/Internal-Bed6646

Let’s just lay out all the memorable moments.

- Melinda’s Capellini Caper (cue Heather’s horrific reaction and Tennille’s quote)

- Louie “tending” to his meat and subsequent ejection

- Tiger Woods’s rubber scallops

- Amanda’s salmon blunder (freezing the salmon)

- Joseph almost getting into a fight with Ramsay

- Jim not being able to count to six

- Lovely disappearing for a “water break” for almost an hour

Am I missing anything?

About a week ago, I posted my script for The Gruen Effect and received some pretty good feedback. Additionally, I got even more great feedback from a contest I routinely submit in which rated my script a possible 7/10 which I thought was pretty darn good.

Excerpt from review:

"The writer definitely has imagination. That is never the issue here. The screenplay

consistently delivers strange visuals, memorable imagery, and inventive horror concepts.

Action description occasionally becomes overwritten. Some scenes could move faster with

leaner prose. There are moments where the screenplay explains visual beats that actors,

directors, or production design would naturally communicate themselves."

Also:

Tighten the second act and reduce repetitive “gift and consequence” sequences.

Give Lisa more emotional development before the mirror storyline escalates.

Clarify the exact tonal target of the screenplay and shape scenes around that choice.

Deepen the connection between the title concept and the actual plot mechanics.

Let emotional scenes breathe longer before pivoting back into horror spectacle.

Simplify some of Ash’s dialogue so his scenes feel less overwritten.

Strengthen Jesse’s role after transformation so he remains emotionally connected to the

story.

Push the mall itself further as an active thematic force within the narrative.

Bottom Line

This is an imaginative, strange, and commercially promising horror script with a strong

setting and a memorable antagonist. The current draft has real personality, but it needs

firmer tonal control and a more focused second act. If the writer can sharpen the emotional

spine between Gabe, Jay, and the mall while reducing repetition in the supernatural

mechanics, the project becomes much more viable.

However, I just got a review from the Blacklist which was a bit more critical than I anticipated.

The bottom line from the review:

The script is disorganized and struggles to fit together all its tones and concepts. However, it’s undeniable that it has its fun moments, especially when it embraces its over-the-top conflict and acts as a sort-of self-aware B-movie. The writer needs to take their time, expand on their idea, clean up their plot, and keep a more consistent tone. They could have a silly yet entertaining action/horror/comedy in their hands, one that could appeal to horror fanatics looking for something fun to watch. The budget is going to be a little high, but not too high, as the second half has loads of gore, violence, and destruction, culminating in an entire mall being torn down.

The score was a 4/10 overall which I thought was pretty low considering how valuable and small the nit-picks were for.

For example, for the weaknesses category:

As it is right now, the script has a lot of flaws and issues. The plot can get muddled and confusing with clashing details, strange character reactions, and a random assortment of ideas that struggle to land. Characters often jump to extreme responses, like when Ash has an angry outburst in Jay’s office with very little to no reaction from Jay, when Jay punches his own son, and Lisa punches a wall to prove she’s alive. Little details also need to be clarified and kept consistent, like Lisa being introduced as 18 and then later referred to as 25, Gabe being introduced as 22 and also being 120 pounds, which is incredibly lightweight, and both Gabe and Lisa acting like they’re much older than they really are. Several times, Gabe would jump to extreme conclusions, like claiming Ash knew his mother. After Lisa died, Jay and Jessica also saw Ash bring Gabe to their home, and yet Jay doesn’t question it. Characters tend to snicker or joke at inopportune times, like when Jessica tried to console Gabe. Other characters are underutilized, like Connie, Shelly, and her friends, and Melinda, who only appeared in one sequence and was never mentioned again.

I plan on going through the script again for a rewrite after I finish up with another, which may take some time, but I just wanted to hear your guys thought on this. Am I overanalyzing this review, or does the score seem more harsher in hindsight?

I have a Dell Dimension E310 that has a disc drive issue. The drive won't stay shut and keeps opening whenever there isn't a CD in it. When I put a disc in, it read it, but after I removed it, it no longer accepts any discs. There's nothing else wrong with the computer but this. What's the best way to fix this? Replace the drive completely or something else?

Title: The Gruen Effect

Format: Feature

Page Length: 85

Genres: Horror, Mystery, Fantasy

Logline: A workaholic father and his rebellious high school dropout of a son join forces to save their family's shopping mall from being destroyed by an enigmatic shopkeeper and his shop full of eclectic trinkets. 

Feedback: I'm mainly looking for a copy editor to help with any grammar, syntax, or spelling errors. It seems to be my biggest downfall when coming to writing. I'm also open to seeing if the twists work and that the payoff is earned in the end.

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1qFVAw0i4DlxSBL9wvJsjQW0HnJ01HsaU/view?usp=sharing

Too make it brief, I've been trying to network and meet other writers/producers but I keep hitting dead ends. I've tried contests, cold querying, and writers groups, but nothing's ever stuck with me. I do get results when I try either of the three whether it be good feedback or chatting with a producer, but it doesn't really encourage me to keep going this path. I want to write, I want to make stories reality and I want to show others my insane ideas, but I seem to lacking the drive too do it. I don't have any problem with the writing, it's just the selling aspect of it. Any tips for someone whose just ready to say, screw it?