u/Intrepid-Forever-925

I feel ashamed telling my therapist how bad things actually are, so I tend to downplay a lot in sessions. He knows I’m having a hard time right now, but I don’t know if he realizes just how bad it’s gotten because of this?

I’m trying so fucking hard every day, but I’m so tired. I’m having multiple meltdowns a day and I genuinely don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this. I don't want to be alive most of the time. I think some of the shame is because I'm still like able to go to work (even though it's hard to do much more than that) so it just feels like I'm exaggerating?

I almost wish​ I could just go in and blurt everything out, but​ I can’t seem to stop masking. ​​But part of me doesn’t want to either, because I’m scared it won’t change anything, and I think because I almost want things to keep get worse so I can finally just give up.

Gah. I dunno. I'm just so fucking exhausted. ​😮‍💨

I want to get more comfortable not covering my scars all the time. I just started a new job a bit ago and it's already really warm in the store, and I can only imagine with summer approaching quickly it's going to be so hot😔. But I feel really anxious and self-conscious about people noticing, especially my coworkers (even though I am sure they would be cool with it). The only times I've really worn short sleeves/shorts is when I'm somewhere I don't know anyone tbh.

I also think part of the anxiety is worrying about what happens if I relapse and suddenly go back to covering up again and people notice/worry or make assumptions....

Wondering if anyone has any tips on dealing with this? And/or how did you work on becoming more comfortable over time? Thank you xx

I have therapy later today and I’m really scared to go. I had a really bad night and I >!ended up holding a unloaded gun to my head. !<I wouldn't really call it an attempt, because I knew I absolutely wasn't going to do it, but clearly it's a sign that things are getting really hard to manage again. I’ve been really overwhelmed and exhausted—dealing with a lot of burnout and struggling to function in general. I also recently lost someone really important to me, and I think everything just kind of hit me at once.

I really don't want to go into specifics with him​ and a large part of me doesn't want to say anything at all.

I guess I’m wondering/looking for reassurance here. Is it okay to talk about something like this in general terms rather than specifics? I know that’s better than nothing, but I get stuck in really black-and-white thinking - like I either have to tell him everything if I want help, or say nothing because it feels pointless.