u/ItsMeHiHiUrBothHigh

I wanted to share this video I found from the concert at Thunderridge. I haven’t seen him explain this yet, so it was really incredible. He spoke about the Irish language and mentions words and descriptions I couldn’t dream of.

As someone whose favorite is Warm Climate, this was a gift from the Gods

Okay, here goes nothing.

My partner has always had an excuse to not have sex. I wish I was kidding, but one time it was even something about the moon phase not being right. After that, another excuse. Then it was him “losing his chi” then it was him just flat out saying he has no interest in sex other than twice a year maybe.

Though he’s always had excuses he has always gotten aroused and will sometimes even start to initiate then just stop. And it makes me feel horrible and disgusting.

This problem never gets resolved because when I ask if we can have compromise he says no, and then just shuts down. He shuts down a lot of conversations and says it’s because I pick fights. I feel like the fights keep happening because the conflict isn’t ever actually resolved it’s just “ignore her until it goes away” type of mentality. And then I’m the bad guy again.

I try to just be happy- but it hurts.
The reason I love him….
He’s a great father to my son. He’s the only person he’s ever known as a father and he’s actually so good at it. Actively engages with him. Always willing to play, read books, and teach him things.

When he’s not like this- 90% of the time- he’s my dream person. He will sometimes randomly pick me up and dance with me when I’m sad. He always opens my doors, and makes sure to carve out us time. He actively plans things for us to do like vacations and they are majorly based around the things my son and I love.

He’s intelligent and motivated and says we are the reason he went to school. He just finished his associates for engineering. He works hard in school and his job.

I love his family. They love me. My sons in his sisters upcoming wedding. His mom is who my son calls grandma. They all love my son. It’s a family I’ve always wish for, since mine is no longer with us.

He never has conflict in his life. He just ignores it until it goes away, though. And I feel like this might just be the breaking point. I feel like a complete asshole but it’s so much more than just not having sex. It’s the feeling of being undesired. It’s the feeling of yearning for a bit of passion. It’s about being able to kiss and not knowing where the line is drawn. It’s about not being able to talk about this topic.

I’m hurting and torn and he’s sleeping next to me. Idk if I’m venting, looking for validation to leave, or just wondering if I’m just an asshole and have something good that I’m throwing away over this.

I have a hard time trusting my feelings because of prior domestic violence and seek validation heavily. I am in active therapy and am having really great success, honestly. But this is my kryptonite.