u/Itstinabelcherbitch

I don’t really know how to put this into words, but I’m exhausted.I’ve been struggling with depression and feeling incredibly alone. The hardest part isn’t even being physically alone — it’s feeling like I don’t really have my person. There’s nobody I can call and genuinely say, “I’m not okay” to without feeling like I’m being a burden.

I’ve started questioning myself a lot. I feel like I’ve never really been someone’s first choice. I’m always the second option, the person people eventually drift away from, or someone they like until they’ve known me for long enough. Then I start wondering if I’m just too much, or if I expect too much from people.

And I don’t know what’s actually wrong with me anymore.
I’ve had friendships that I thought would last forever fall apart. I’ve had someone I cared about deeply treat me terribly, and even though I know logically that person wasn’t good for me, I still struggle to let go of what happened. I think part of what hurts is that I let someone see a very vulnerable side of me that I don’t show to many people, and they still hurt me.

Now I’m questioning whether I’ll ever have the relationships I actually want — close friendships, a healthy relationship, eventually a family. I’m watching people around me meet people, fall in love, make friends, build their lives, and I feel like I’m standing still watching everyone else move forward. I’m 25 and I know that’s objectively young, but sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. I feel like I’m running out of time even though I know that probably isn’t rational.

The worst part is that I don’t even know who to talk to about this. I’ve become so tired of explaining how I’m feeling that sometimes I just withdraw completely. Then I feel even more alone because I’ve withdrawn. I’ve always had suicidal thoughts, but recently I’ve been thinking about plans. I’m just TIRED of living life on autopilot. One could say I have a lot going for me but I have lost passion for anything and everything.

I know we can now delete/re-order a carrousel post but it would be amazing if we can add pictures to an existing post especially photo dumps