I'm a felting artist diving into fursuit making. Angora rabbit fiber (responsibly gathered from my own rabbits who are not harmed in the process) is incredibly fine, and felting it onto upholstery foam is a long process, but worth it.
This is a tough one. I am a 43-year-old man who has been married to the same woman for 20 years. We have three kids together, and our relationship has been tumultuous from day one. When we met, we were in Bible College, and I was heavily struggling with my sexual identity. I was attracted to her, but I was never honest about the struggles I had. With my education in ministry, the only decent jobs I could get were in the ministry, and you can't be gay in the Christian Church and work for them. I got married at 23, and I'm not sure love was the main reason.
I sat on my attractions for years. Our sex life struggled and then about 8 years ago I started having an emotional affair with another man. It was never physical, but I totally got all of my emotional support from him. I broke off the friendship after my wife threatened to leave me because of it. I came out to her about my attractions then, and it has been difficult ever sense.
Fast foward to today, I have quit the ministry and am in a very fulling job as a Drug and Alcohol Counselor. My wife is basically done with me, as I have found friends in the LGBTQ community. She hates that I am a part of it, which I understand. In a way, I feel that I betrayed her. Ending this marriage is incredible painful, and I am worried about my children. I am a father first, but I have not been able to invest in them as much as I would like over the past 8 years.
With all of this said, I'm scared out of my mind for what happens next. I built an entire life with this woman, and I lied to her from beginning just to save face. I feel like the bad guy here, but to keep the marriage going would be furthering the pain for all of us, not just me. I'm not even worried about being in another relatiosnhip, I just want to live authentically. Thoughts?