u/JackfruitUnusual

I (27f) was having a chat with a guy (30m) I care deeply about something personal and explaining that my self image oscillates quite often and that it sucks to experience. We've known each other for about 4 years and it's been quite flirty and now he's possibly moving nearer me we've been having conversations about getting to know each other in a deeper way.

Anyways, after opening about this he sent me some symptoms for BPD and said 'why didn't I make this connection sooner, I love psychology.' I promptly told him that this upset me, that aside from this I present no other symptoms for the disorder and that he's not a psychologist so he really shouldn't go around telling people things like this. Then I said to him I needed some space and I walked away from the conversation. He sent a brief apology some time later.

Anyways, this morning I called to let him know we were good and that I was just calling to let him know that and he spent some time trying to explain his 'perspective' and why he did that and how he wasn't expecting me to take it personally because 'I'm like him and don't get offended by mental health diagnoses.' I said to him that wasn't really the point of my being upset and that I feel he overstepped a boundary and that he wasn't a psychologist so he didn't really need to weigh in like that.

After some time I told him the conversation was becoming unproductive and I cut things short. He again messaged to say he felt like he was always apologising to me or overstepping. I said to him that using words like always don't really push us forward in any meaningful way and that while he can say he was well-intentioned that doesn't matter more than his actions and how that comes across.

Am I doing something wrong here? Sometimes I feel like I really am always at odds with a partner or potential partner. I don't know how to handle conversations like this. Is it that I should just expect an apology and have it end there or do I need to listen to other person's perspective even if I feel like it's bs?

TLDR: A guy I'm talking to said he thought I might have BPD and this upset me because I feel like people shouldn't go around diagnosing stuff like that and we got into a tiff where I explained he should diagnose people. I'm unsure about if I've handled this correctly or if I need to listen to his perspective more because he claims it was well intentioned.

The guy (27m) I’ve (27f) been talking to for a blunt 3 months recently lost his brother to cancer. We chat long distance, we’ve never been on a date but have known about each other since we were teenager because we have mutuals.

I won’t say that we’re on our way to a relationship but he’s an okay person. We have flirty chats every now and again and reach out to say hello and check in. Sometimes he jokes about marrying me but I don’t take that seriously, men do that 🤷🏽‍♀️ It’s light for now.

Anyways, his brother passed away quite recently and I’m unsure how to show up since we’re barely even friends I don’t think. There’ve been times when neither of us have reached out in a week and he definitely hasn’t messaged me for a few days since it all happened. I know that’s just grief but I feel like because there’s this gray area between us that makes me feel like I just don’t know what I should be doing and how I should approach this.

Do I message to check in or do I just leave him to reach out in his own time? I did send him my condolences but I just don’t know how to proceed and if I’d be overstepping any boundaries or being a nuisance. I’m obviously concerned about him but don’t want to crowd him at the same time. Plus we’re nothing serious so I’m really confused

TLDR; I’m unsure how to navigate showing up for the man I’m talking to during his grief.

Just curious about what people think as I can’t find any career trajectory for this course online?

I’m looking to do this to upskill in data management and then take an AI governance course in the future? Long term career plan is either AI Ethics and Governance or Product Management (AI focus). Currently work as a data analyst in a data management team.

Recently someone asked me if I’m good at keeping my composure. I guess they’ve never notice the slight change in my demeanour when something hurts my feelings and I quickly pretend it doesn’t. I told them yes and then asked them if they thought that I didn’t when they replied, “no, you hold yourself together quite well.”

But how to explain how many things hurt me and how often I want to quickly retort or cry or get upset but I have learned how to ignore my feelings because the world hates that. It hates people with big feelings, it hates the chaos that is.

I learned it early too. As a child, my family would capture bugs to torment me with and I quickly learned if I showed no reaction, no one would bother me.

I’ve learned how to control my emotions but I go home and feel the bursting out of me. Because I can’t admit how many things hurt and how sensitive I am. Otherwise, I make myself a target for others.

Recently someone asked me if I’m good at keeping my composure. I guess they’ve never notice the slight change in my demeanour when something hurts my feelings and I quickly pretend it doesn’t. I told them yes and then asked them if they thought that I didn’t when they replied, “no, you hold yourself together quite well.”

But how to explain how many things hurt me and how often I want to quickly retort or cry or get upset but I have learned how to ignore my feelings because the world hates that. It hates people with big feelings, it hates the chaos that is.

I learned it early too. As a child, my family would capture bugs to torment me with and I quickly learned if I showed no reaction, no one would bother me.

I’ve learned how to control my emotions but I go home and feel the bursting out of me. Because I can’t admit how many things hurt and how sensitive I am. Otherwise, I make myself a target for others.

I just keep thinking about MIY telling Jim they shouldn’t have dug that hole.

Plus the fact that the monsters sleep in the caves and sort of act like their guardians.

I feel like it’s one part of the world that hasn’t really been explored yet and can’t be because it’s guarded by monsters.

I’m (27) currently a data analyst and considering law as my next career move since I’m really not enjoying analytics. Honestly law has always intrigued me, I even did a law course during undergrad.

I’m also pursuing my writing at the moment which I have the time to do because my current job allows for work life balance. Writing and pursuing my writing takes a lot of extra time. And the more serous it gets, the more time it’s taking from me. I have a few published bits and have been on a few development schemes so I’m really pushing.

I’m still quite young but so I know there’s time but I want to be in a career I enjoy, that makes good money and gives me time to pursue my creative writing.

I was wondering if anyone else is doing this, being a lawyer and pursuing writing at the same time? I’d be curious how other writers are balancing this.