Hi! This project explores heavier themes, and I am seeking beta readers for my completed 79k psychological suspense novel with a speculative element.
The story follows a grieving 17-year-old girl who is assaulted by someone her family trusts. Months later, she begins slipping into other people’s dreams.
What starts as a disorienting phenomenon begins to follow patterns—and when she finds herself inside her attacker’s dreams, she realizes what she does there may affect him in real life.
The novel focuses on aftermath, control, and the line between justice and obsession, rather than overt revenge, though it is there.
I can send a PDF of my manuscript if you’re interested and I’m looking for input on pacing, emotional impact, and whether the speculative element feels grounded and consistent. I am open to author swap and my timeline is about a month or two, before I start querying again. Here is ch one. Thanks!
Excerpt (formatting may be off from copy/paste) 1: Almost Invisible
October 5th, 2026
My feet will be blistered and bloody by the time I get home, the wedged heels Mom made me wear are already rubbing them raw. Storm clouds hang low when I walk outside. I wish the weather were nicer, but wishing for anything besides Axel coming home feels wrong.
“Christ Anais, fix your face. Did you sleep?” Dad grumbles, though I’m sure he knows the answer. Mom is quiet besides him. I slide into the Escalades backseat, it smells like leather and something expensive that Dad wears too much of. I settle across the only brother I have left. Aiden’s quiet. He has been since our little brother died. Before that we were closer, we all were.
Wide lawns littered with halloween decorations blur past, and the houses shrink the farther we get from ours. If I stare long enough out the window, I can quiet everything until I hear my brother's voice again. I don’t know why Dad chose to have his service near Buffalo. Axel knew this place best.
My lap buzzes and I already know who it is.
Kye: Don’t go quiet on us today, ok? If it gets too much, text me.
I almost like the message, but I hate that he sent it. This is the kind of thing Aiden used to say to me—he’d say it to Axel too, like he could take whatever we were dealt and make it smaller. And for a while, he did. Aiden would distract us when Dad would drink and Mom would cry. A lot of the time he got to us before it turned into something we’d have to pretend didn’t happen the next day.
He hasn’t lately. But Kye has been trying to.
I don’t even know if Aiden can anymore. Axel’s death was supposed to be a glitch that should’ve fixed itself by now, but our big brother can’t help that. No one can.
I wipe at the wet streaks rolling down my face. My skin’s still hot, and suddenly I’m back there. The day my face burned even as rain poured, soaking through my Crocs and leaving my feet a wet, mushy mess. I ran through the hospital and to Axel’s side, thinking whatever the doctors said couldn’t be that bad, that he’d live simply because he had to.
For me.
Dad parks outside the chapel where the cemetery stretches on and on. Fields of green and gold roll in beside me and for a second, I’m not here. I’m there—standing in it, grass brushing my ankles, pine trees pushing up from the hills, one after another like soldiers, each identical to the last, like the plastic toys Axel used to line up, waiting for something to knock them down.
I take a step. Then another, each one lighter than the last. I almost turn, expecting Axel to come up behind me, to grab my hand and pull me into a hug. Somewhere, a woman calls my name. Faint at first. Then louder. Something tightens across my chest.
I blink and I’m back in the car, dragging air into my lungs like I forgot how to breathe. The seatbelt burns into my torso.
The pines are gone, and drooping willow trees take their place. The grass here is pale, washed out in a way that makes everything look ugly. My brother deserves better than this—he deserves to be buried under grass that isn't half dead, surrounded by lush oak and maple trees. Instead, he’s here, just another body in a row.
“Come on, Anais.” Mom taps my window. "Your dad and Aiden are inside.” She opens my door and presses a tissue into my hand, steering me toward the chapel for Axel’s service. My lips taste like saltwater and my eyes well. I wipe them, smudging the little makeup I have on and cling to the soiled tissue like my lifeline. I walk out and my heart stutters. Deep breaths, I remind myself like a prayer from the good book.
We join Aiden and Dad by my brother’s casket near the podium. It’s a small mahogany one that's Axel-sized. This is all wrong. I keep waiting for someone to tell me when Axel’s coming back, that Mom and Dad just sent him on a vacation, one only for him.
I wish it were just me and my baby brother, that’s how it usually is—was. People crowd in anyway though. Aiden excuses himself when Kye gets here. They blend into a sea of relatives, friends, and the many people from our community. People who know Dad and his side of the family, not my baby brother.
Axel looks at peace, like he’s sleeping. I didn’t expect him to be bald. His hair had been thinning from chemo, but he refused to shave what was left, leaving scattered patches of brown. He’s pale, almost waxy, his hands folded over his chest, and he looks—just for a second—free from everything his body put him through. From everything we’ve been put through.
Part of me is jealous. The other part feels guilty that I am.
“Why’d they shave his head?” I ask Mom.
“They just did.” She looks away.
I can smell alcohol from Dad's breath while he’s talking nearby, speaking with his brother, but really, just another family member we barely talk to. My cousins and Dad’s parents trade stiff formalities with me like we’re strangers instead of blood, distant in that way Dad’s side usually is.
I walk over and stand by the seats arranged for my brother's service, needing to be by myself and away from this awful crowd. There are too many people around for someone who isn’t even here. All I can do is stare at everyone who never spoke much to us, nonetheless Axel in life. My vision shakes.
Aiden and Kye eventually join me.
“Hey,” I say to my brother, leaning in to hug him before he sits, but he only gives me a half-hug then goes straight to his phone.
“Hey, Nes,” Kye shoots me a dull smile, doing a double take over my face before meeting my eyes, probably noticing how much my mascara has run.
They’ve called me that since I was eight, Nes or Nessy. I stand up to side-hug him and for a second it feels normal, until his hand settles at the small of my waist like he meant to touch me there. I don’t know what to do so I wait for him to drop it.
He doesn’t.
I let go and look to see if Aiden caught that, but of course he didn’t. He’s staring at his shoes, I don’t think he’s seen me in weeks. Axel would have noticed. He noticed too much—and always things like that. I think he was the only person who saw me. Before I can say anything, Kye steps back, giving me a sad look.
We take a seat with Aiden in the middle. Kye usually comes to our house five or six times a week. He’s been around long enough that Axel used to wait for him to come over like he was one of us, I guess he kind of is.
Since Axel passed, Aiden’s been going to Kye’s place instead. Maybe he can’t stand being home. I can’t either. Every time I pass Axel’s room, it feels like I’m ripping in half. Still, I thought he’d let me in. He hasn’t.
“Ever gonna come back home?” I ask my brother, who only nods.
“Are you taking care of him?” I bug Kye now, trying to smile, maybe forcing it too much.
Aiden looks at me finally, but like I said something genuinely wrong. “Please Anais, not now. I’m fine—just stop. I’m too tired to talk, really.” Then his face relaxes and he looks down. Maybe he’s being honest.
I’m tired too though. It’s been hard to sleep knowing I can wake up and Axel never will again. I toss and turn and sprawl and cry before sleep finally takes me, and I want to tell my brother that.
“Don’t worry,'' Kye starts, “I am, promise, did we wake you when I dropped him off last night?”
“No.” I was still up though. Aiden got home around four-thirty-ish, and I heard Kye help him upstairs. My brother was drunk, and probably hungover now.
“Good.” Kye gives me a real smile now.
“Who's taking care of you?” His eyes stay on mine too long after the question, like he’s waiting for something I don’t know how to give. I look to Aiden who takes a deep breath and excuses himself. I miss when he took care of me.
“Eh-uh, you know, hanging in there.” I admit, facing Kye again. He takes my brother's seat while I talk, slinging an arm over my chair, like I didn’t come here to get away from people. “Mom’s there for me when she can be. Just sorta...well...I’m just sorta here. What’s his problem?”
He leans closer to my ear, “I don’t know, he’ll come around, though. We’ll start kicking it back at your place—hey, did you see my text?” He asks like he didn’t just send it.
“Uh, yeah. Sorry. I was busy. Got a lot going on today y’know?” I say leaning back some.
“I do. I’m here if you need anything, okay? Seriously.” Even though it should be Aiden. I try to smile. “I better go,” he gets up, walking to my brother, bringing him some tissues.
I watch my family act like we’re not broken. Axel always tried to fix things—cheering Mom up, standing up to Dad, even when it got him thrown across the room. We’ve all been there, but Axel was the only one who spoke about it like it could end: “When I’m as big as Aiden, Dad will literally have to fight me.” Axel would say it like a joke, but I believed him.
His service passes in a blur. Everyone around me fades into my periphery while the priest delivers his eulogy. After, Mom stands up front, sharing memories of Axel, trembling while she struggles to keep her composure.
Next comes Dad.
“Son, I hope you've found peace, and, and, and..." His voice stammers, but he’s not crying.
I watch people nod at him like they know him. But if they really did, I think they’d respect him less. “And we will miss you dearly. I will keep this family strong for you, my boy in heaven.”
Liar.
“Watch over us…” He pauses, turning to Aiden, who steps forward, addressing everyone:
“Hey, it's nice to see you all. I just wish it could be under better circumstances. Damn, we just celebrated my twenty-first.” He pauses, his voice breaks, and for a second I think he’s gonna cry, but it doesn’t come. I haven’t heard him say anything about Axel for weeks. Not since…everything. He just shut down, so hearing him speak like this almost doesn’t sound real.
“What can I say? I watched him grow big and strong…I drove him all over, we’re tight, ya’know, I wish he could have grown old with us.” He looks at me briefly, “Ax, I miss you. I hope you're not hurting and keep looking over us, alright?" He chokes up at the end, wiping his face before he gestures for me to join, smiling at me like he hasn’t been an ass. I walk to the podium beside him, but I don’t know how to talk about Axel like he’s past tense. I don’t want to.
For months, Axel had been sick, brushed off until the day he collapsed on the sidewalk and woke up in a hospital bed. He was at the best hospital in New York state with the best doctors money could buy. Dad says all the money in the world was spent to save my brother and I thought it would.
When it didn’t, I folded my hands and begged God like I’d never begged before. I bargained: I’ll be a better sister, just let our family be lucky, don’t take him from me—take Dad instead, please God, take him and save Axel.
Instead, I watched my baby brother lose his appetite, and fade. I remember that first night, nurses swarming in and out. The doctor’s words hit like a bullet: advanced leukemia, chemo immediately. My chest split open. I think Aidens did too. He pulled me into him, and I could hear his heart hammering over mine.
I couldn’t cover Axel’s ears in the bathroom, with the sink running loud enough to drown out Mom and Dad fighting downstairs. I wish it were that easy. In the end, he was doing better. He wasn’t supposed to leave me.
“Do you need a tissue, Anais?” An uncle I only see on Thanksgiving asks before I realize how far inside my head I’ve gone. I look up and see everyone in front of me, too many eyes burning into me while I struggle to find my voice “Oh,” I take a deep breath, “No. It's okay.”
I gather myself. I never formally prepared anything since I thought I could imagine this day away, but time caught up to me, and Axel never left for vacation.
He left me forever.
“Thank you all for being here. I know Axel wouldn’t have liked how sad this is. He was always so happy. I wish I had his optimism. I’ll miss you until I see you again. You were too good for this place…”
I pause, locking eyes with Dad.
His words echo in my head before I can stop them:
“STOP BEING SO GODDAMN STUPID. YOU’RE JUST WEAK. GET OUT—GO!”
Axel endured so much before the diagnosis.
“I miss him more than anything,” I say, my voice shaking. “I wish we could’ve seen you grow up too.”
I look up at the sky like he might be there, watching.
Just me and him, for the last time.
“I love you, Axie. You’re finally free.”
I wish I was too.
I’m not.