u/Jaded_Barracuda_6553

Hey dad's, I'm.feeling a bit of burnout and just looking to vent to some fellows dad's and maybe someone in a similar situation will offer some sage advice on how to not just combust internally.

My partners a SAHM with our 3 year old. My daughter is an absolute joy, she's full.of energy and just so loving and caring. I'm working 45 hour weeks in a warehouse with a very early start in the morning.

Despite being a SAHM my partner does very little around the house, I do all the cooking, clean up after I've done said cooking, hoover, clean bathroom, run baths, cut grass, maintain garden etc. Everything apart from tidy the living room and washings, although that being said I still clean the living room at night and put washing on in the morning.

As soon as I get in from work my partner just sits on her phone and passes everything over to me, I have zero issue with this as I absolutely love the time I get with my daughter, it is what gets me through the day. I'll sort out everything for dinner and then bathe our daughter then she takes over at bedtime. When she's getting our daughter to bed I then have to go and clean up all the mess from the day. Then once that's done I'm heading to bed to get up early then next day, or making dinner for us before going to sleep. I feel like I'm just constantly on the go as soon as I wake up and I don't really get anytime to enjoy films or gaming. I try to get up a bit earlier on weekends to enjoy a little bit of time to myself, then I just get questioned as to why I haven't done a, b or c.

I just need a little break sometimes and I don't get it, I make sure she gets a break when she needs it. Just looking to see if any dad's have had/still currently have a similar experience. I'm trying my best to make sure no resentment is built up anywhere but it is really hard guys.

You just left my life, I became a father and you were more concerned about your own feelings than mine. You knew she was having a rough time with her mental health but you still chose your own emotions, not hers or mine. My daughter is now 2 and you haven't seen her since she was months old. You've missed out on so many milestones and I hate you for it. You brought me so much sadness through my life and in the happiest moment you continued to do so. I made a promise that I would make up for your failings as a parent and I will make sure my daughter never feels the way you made me feel.

If only you were approachable all those years ago, and you didn't threaten me with violence over certain situations. Life could have been so different but alas here we are. Now you sit and paint my family as the villain while you miss out on a life that is so full if love, a love that has cleansed my soul and made me want to be a better person. I want to fix the parts you broke, but there's still a bit that can't seem to be fixed. The part that you poisoned, is still begging for your attention despite how full of spite you are. I want to drop the rope but a part of me can't.

You've turned the people I once called family against me. They don't call or message to check in on us, they don't return invites to things or they call up last minute claiming sickness. I have my family and that's all that matters but to lose the family I had has broke me again. Again my daughter us missing out on these relationships and that's your doing. I hate you for that as well.

Part of me wishes you were different, but another part is glad I finally saw you for what you are. A manipulative, cruel, egotistical narcissist. I'm glad you're not in my daughters life, I wouldn't want your influence in her life, your poison in her ears. How could you say you love her when you have such hatred for her mother, my partner. You could never love her if that hatred exists as she is our daughter, not just my blood but also my partners.

I never want to hear from you again, if I could leave the country to avoid seeing you ever again I would.

This post contains content not supported on old Reddit. Click here to view the full post

Hi All

Thought about posting here numerous times on account of my mother and have finally decided to share my story. Some backgroud I am 30M, my SO is 29F, our LO is 2 and my Mother (M) is 50.

My story really starts when I was younger as when I look back I was her victim from a young age but just never realised it. I was her pillar of support from the age of 8 during her depressive episodes and break-ups with her partners, essentially being the parent and not having support myself. Meanwhile if she was staying at their house I was lucky if I got a duvet or bed, it was a towel on the floor or couch if I was lucky. Being her only son there was an bit of over protection in my life, you could call it emeshment, this carried on into my early 20s much to my dismay. Being dragged into arguments with her husband regarding their marriage numerous times, especially around dates of significance such as Christmas or my birthday. There were numerous times I was threatened with being kicked out the house if I didn't bow dow to her expectations. This is all just background though, everything really kicked off when I found out I was going to be a parent. There is some vital information though. Growing up I was 'warned' not to get my SO pregnant too young or I would be kicked out my house and other things I won't get into. Because of this I was petrified of becoming a parent. So when I found out at the ripe age of 28 I was terrified as well as overwhelmingly happy.

M never liked my SO, I always had the feeling. I remember once being asked if I am happy with her, and maybe I should be with someone who makes me feel better. Reader I will tell you now, I have alwyas been happy with my SO, we are teenage sweethearts and I genuinly belive in soulmates as we are meant to be. To cover the obvious dislike my M still invited SO to numerous events and such. This was to keep up the facade that she was this perfect person who could do no wrong and was acceepting of my choices in life, when in fact she wasn't. When we told M we were having a child she obviously went into control mode and had to buy this that and the next thing. It all started with a travel system.

My SO and I had picked out our travel system and we were in love with it. I recieved a text one night from M saying she was going to purchase a travel system second hand from someone she knows. I simply replied saying there is no point as we are getting one and there is no need for two, and we were worried as guidelines say not to buy a second hand carseat as you aren't aware of any damages. I messaged this and was told I am ungrateful and she knows this person and they wouldn't sell a faulty car seat. This was the first instance when I was spoke down about letting my wishes be known. I will add that a week later she had suddenly got on board after someone she knows told her the same information. Almost as if it wasn't true coming from me.

The next instance was with our boundries. My SO made a cute little picture listing all our bounderies once our LO was here. It was all common things and a few things that we had agreed. No visiting if not well, sit down when holding our LO, no kissing, no smoking, we didn't want our LO near pets in case she has allergies or is asthmatic(SO is astmatic so was worried), no strong perfumes or colgnes and just that we didn't want any unsolicited advice. I sent this to all my family, SO sent it to hers just so everyone was on the same page. Well I get a phone call about how I have no clue what I'm doing and why are we having these rules for our LO. I explained that it's been sent to everyone and no-one is being targeted. What followed was M reading through all our bounderies explaining how she doesn't do this or that. Things were a bit frosty after thi, especially as I challenged her after being told she understood. I was told she was still upset about it all by a family member. She then decided to go over the same things we had already discussed when I pulled her up about this. She was going behind our back to complain about things and not coming directly to the source of the problem. This will be a recurring theme.

Once our LO was born M was ill with a cold so she was told she'll have to wait to meet LO as we don't want to expose to expose our LO to anything, nothing was said to my face but I just know things were being discussed behind our backs. My SO started having really bad postpartum anxiety, because of this she didn't really want anyone holding LO. I was 100% supportive of her with this as I didn't want my SO stressing when she was already very vurnerable. As you can imagine this led to waterworks when M visited. We explained and said it's not a permanent thing, it's just how SO is feeling just now and I am trying my best to help and adjust to life with a baby and this is just going to be the way things are. Once again there were conversations had behind our backs.

Our first Xmas as a family came and we couldn't wait to see what the day would bring. We had the morning together then went to SO's grans house for dinner then we were going to M's house in the evening. As you will all know Xmas is a busy and stressful day, especially with an 8 month old. Our LO had skipped naps and wasn't eating a great deal because of everything that was going on, leading to a very cranky baby. Prior to the crankiness by SO wanted to try and come out her comfort zone a bit so was letting people hold our LO. As expected they wanted us straight away and everyone gave LO back straight away. I was proud that my SO was trying to overcome her anxiety. Then we get to M house. My SO gave LO over to M and as expected she started crying for us, but instead of giving LO back M tried to comfort her, I told her to give LO back as she just wants us and SO is trying to overceom her anxiety. Everyone in the room shushed me and told me to let M try and comfort our distraught LO. I got LO back and M left the room crying saying it's our fault that LO is like this. Needless to say we weren't there much longer.

After this M stepped back and hardly made any contact and when I tried to contac it was rarely answered. Then on LOs birthday the atmosphere was horrible. We planned a little get together in our home as we have a massive garden and the weather was amazing. My family turned up and there was suddenly a lot of tension. We were informed by SOs family of some things that were said during the party. My SO then messaged M regarding everything that was said and we were both blocked by M. No closure or reply, just blocked. That was last year and I have no heard from M or any of my family since.

I guess I'm just disappointed in my mother and family in general. I look back at the relationship I had with my grandparents when I was growing up and I cherish those memories, knowing our LO won't have that is disheartening. However on the other hand I am glad my LO won't grow up with M in their life as I know the type of person M is and the manipulations and such she has pulled off and is capable of. The disappointed part is like a small voice in the back of my mind i will say, I am more than aware we don't want this kind of behaviour around our LO and it is definitely a bullet dodged.