How do i make my ocd stop bothering me its been bothering me everyday since 2020 for this
I cared about these people so much that I developed a sickness in my brain over them. Every single day, my store manager and her assistants told me thank you. I was close with all of them the whole time, talked to them every day, and they became my favorite managers I ever had. That became my favorite job I ever had at the time, only to find out it was all lies for credit cards, and i didn’t care after I left or while I was leaving.
It’s probably from the Asperger’s, but I really, really cared at the time. I was really happy to be there and wanted to advance really badly, so I made sure to do everything they wanted. I helped in the parking lot, kept myself busy with constant sweeping, got over 100 credit cards in less than four months, and translated them in Chaldean for Chaldean customers. The same way they constantly told me thank you, their customers constantly complimented me.
When I gave the store manager my notice, I told her, “You’re my favorite boss I ever had, and I never put a notice anywhere but with you.” Right before my last shift, I watched her uncontrollably laugh in my face, repeating, “You’ll be missed.” I cared about her so much and enjoyed working there so much at the time. I just couldn’t take those two girls anymore.
I didn’t even care afterward. I was trying to give her compliments and tell her how much I respected her, and she walked away and put her hand up in the air. Meanwhile, every day, her and all her managers talked to me and told me thank you the whole time.
The same girl kept telling me, “They’re taking advantage of you.” Instead of reporting it, I came in when told, used sick time, and got her more credit cards. Two weeks later, this guy I was friends with who also worked there drove there. She asked how the new job was. I told her, “Not as cool as you,” and she got a huge smile on her face and turned all red.
I asked her if I could work there again. She screamed loudly and happily, “You can!” I told her stuff that showed I cared because of her laughing in my face, without mentioning it because I didn’t know how to say it to her. I told her about the lady who I stood there ignoring and tolerating every day so it wouldn’t start problems for her. She treated me horribly every day, put me at a disadvantage, and never helped me.
Before she met me, she went up to the whole front end as sarcastically as she could and said, “I was talking with HR about the guy she hired. He’s a real winner.” This guy I became friends with, who worked there, treated him the same way, and this other girl treated us worse every day because of it.
“When they see us become friends, who told you they envisioned beating you with a 2x4? They told you this and you didn’t report it? You can’t call and tell me this two or three months later. I can’t find out about this now. You should’ve said something. You didn’t say anything.”
I tried, but you walked away. “It’s best if we stay separated.”
Nothing ever messed with my mind, OCD, or ate at my mind, or gave me depression or suicidal thoughts, or made me mentally sick, or made something turn into a thing, or nothing turn into something except this, because it triggered the OCD. Mixed with being autistic, it makes it worse.
She’s telling me no for this when I never even got her in trouble for this. I didn’t even tell her. From the day it happened until the day I called her, I never even thought about it. It triggered the OCD. Nothing ever triggered it before. Right away, real sickness came into my brain from the OCD triggering, and mixed with being autistic, it made it worse. It caused depression to enter.
I would spend all day constantly walking around the neighborhood listening to music, waiting for the day to end, and constantly replaying and rewatching her laughing uncontrollably in my face to where she was going to pee herself. The more and more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The more and more it gave me the compulsion to call.
She got mad and said, “This is harassment.”
That depression turned into suicidal thoughts, and I risked getting charges just to let her know I didn’t know. Six times every day, it kept making me think about it nonstop and replay every day I worked there, her laughing uncontrollably at me, and replaying the phone conversation in my brain until two months later, when my friend showed her a message explaining everything. The depression and suicidal thoughts went away, but the sickness from the OCD triggering never did, and anything related makes it worse.
After years of it building up, I ran into the assistant managers. They walked right past me and weren’t even going to talk to me until I talked to them. Meanwhile, every day they used to talk to me.
I asked them, “How come three to five times a day, you and all the managers kept telling me thank you every day?”
“IDK.”
I described how sick it made me. They said, “You should never let anything do that to you, and that should’ve never happened.”
I told them, “I know. I’d rather get killed than go through that again.”
The whole time, I kept telling myself no one there even thinks or cares about me. They smiled and said, “Yeah.”
I asked, “Did you appreciate it?”
They just stared at me, when every day was nonstop thank-yous for credit cards.
Right after the store manager read the message explaining everything, they read it because we talked every day. Every day they told me thank you. I was close with them the whole time, and they knew about everything. I sent them numerous messages seeking help. They never even opened them and got all nervous.
It’s not like I just left it there. My stuff’s private.
Before anything even happened, while I worked for them, I requested them on Facebook because they had the whole store added, and every day they talked to me and told me thank you. We were close the whole time, same with the store manager and other assistants.
The day after, as soon as they saw me in the store, they laughed at me. Meanwhile, every day they talked to me, told me thank you, and acted close with me the whole time. Instead of saying anything and starting problems for them, I kept it to myself and let more sickness come into my brain because it’s related.
When they didn’t care enough to open my messages seeking help, and after they smiled and said “Yeah” when I said no one cares or thinks about me there, anything related to that place became worse because the OCD mixed with being autistic makes it worse. That’s what triggered it.
Whenever they see me, they smile, say hello, then go hide from me or go out of their way to avoid me, when before it was constant talking and thank-yous the whole time.
The same year that happened, it grew so much that I stopped working a year later because of this. I copied the message they read on Facebook seeking help, talking about how sick it made me, what the depression did to me, what the suicidal thoughts did to me, and suicide seeking help from them means more to me than from doctors because doctors just listen and prescribe medicine, but they actually know who and what I’m talking about.
Im not blaming them
This girl makes fun of me with the lady who caused all this sickness to enter my brain. I didn’t know her, so I was nice to her. Then she got mad at me for being nice to her and blocked me. It made it worse.
Then HR blocked me when I never got mad at HR for the way they treated me every day because of her badmouthing me. The one time I tried reporting it, the store manager didn’t want to hear it, thinking I’d get her in trouble. Her laughing in my face is the only reason I said anything, without mentioning it.
I never blamed her for it triggering my OCD, causing sickness to enter my brain, turning into depression, suicidal thoughts, losing interest in everything I enjoy, passing out from lack of food numerous times because I lost my appetite, seeing doctors for years, taking all these medications, and watching my mom cry in front of me so many times. Mixed with being autistic, it makes it worse.
I’m not blaming them, but it made it so much worse in my brain.
After four years of it eating at me every day and bothering me every day, even when I don’t even care, it completely turned it around in my brain. It caused me to make fake Facebooks and make fun of them, badmouth them, and say all this horrible stuff to them. The OCD and Asperger’s made it as inappropriate as possible because, with Asperger’s, there’s no filter in your brain.
They found out it was me and filed a police report against me, but that wasn’t the real me. That was from years of sickness building up in my brain, and they kept making it worse and caused it to happen.
If the Facebook stuff didn’t happen, I would’ve never found out the whole time I worked there the assistant manager thought of me as a loser piece of shit who can’t understand simple everyday stuff, when every day was “thank you.”
The first time I met them, it was my first day there. They were leaving and had no apron on. I didn’t know they worked there. They had a Target bag because Target was right next door.
I said, “Excuse me, sir, it’s company policy that I have to check the bag.”
They said, “I’m a manager.”
I said, “Sorry, it’s my first day.”
They got proud and said, “You’re already checking? It’s fine. Please always check. Don’t be sorry. It’s fine. Always check.”
After that, every day was constant thank-yous.
I’m not blaming them either, even though I was fine with the store manager uncontrollably laughing in my face, repeating, “You will be missed.” Out of pure respect for her, I never told anyone. The only person who knew about it was the manager who was in the office with us.
I was never going to offer to work for her again because of that until the second girl got fired. That’s only because, at the time, my friend who worked there drove there, and I said, “Wow, if I knew she would’ve gotten fired, I wouldn’t have left.”
They told me, “Come back.”
“I don’t know. Do you remember?”
“I gotta pick up the kids. Call the store manager. Visit me again.”
My friend called next day asking to speak with her they pick up shell be here tomorrow ill see you soon my friend but do you remember i got to get back to work because they said my friend i listendd to then her the next day. At the time, no one knew about that but him because he was in the office with us. It still hadn’t caused me to develop sickness yet, and I only saw the actual side of the store manager later.
Both times when I tried bringing it up, they ended the conversation, and because they said “my friend,” I listened to them. Because they had something going on for credit cards while i worked there everyday it was constant thank you close the whole time and talk to everyday
I don’t care that I did more work every day than everyone in my area with their parking lot , knowing I’d never get a Homer Award, and kept my mouth shut when I was cheated out of them, to not start problems for the store manager only to watch the store manager laugh in my face.
I don’t care what happened with the assistant managers, HR, or that girl, but no matter how hard I try, how many pills I take for OCD to reduce thoughts, or how many doctors I see, it won’t stop eating at me, bothering me, and making me think about it every day since 2020, when none of them are even thinking about me.
I just want it to stop bothering me. I want my life back, and every time I tried making it better, it made it worse. I cared about them so much i let all this sickness come in my brain they never even cared about me but it was constant thank you