I didn't mean to do it (tw rape)
Firstly, fuck off.
Secondly, rape implies full-on sexual intercourse (and I can't remember what happened, but I doubt that's what occurred. Sexual stuff? Probably. Idfk) and it also implies intent. If you couldn't have guessed, I didn't mean to do it. Maybe it's the fact that while spiralling, I can't fucking control myself, and it takes a while for my brain to process what's going on, and then it has to scream at my body to stop. But yeah, that means it's fucking intentional. When you're not in control of yourself and struggle with actually processing anything happening. Especially when that person was raped themselves when they were a child, by exact definition of the word, of fucking course they'd decide to pass that trauma onto someone else knowingly. Of course, if they ever tried to kill themselves over it, they're doing it for attention, they deserve to be in a psych ward, and they deserve to be called a rapist five times in a conversation that isn't even about them.
Saying all that shit is just fucking insensitive and petty. Especially when you're making so many jokes about it. At least say it to my face.
[name] knows everything that's happened. She knows what it's like to spiral. She knows I would never intend to hurt anyone. She actually listened to me. She's been seeing the signs of me having bpd months before I even suspected I may have it and we had that conversation.
I understand that I'm her favourite person. And that she's biased because of it. I wish she wasn't there for me, because it fucking hurts to have someone say you're not a monster, and when you try and push them away because you feel like one, they just hold on and say they believe your side of the story when nobody else has.
I'm not saying [victim's] trauma isn't valid, or that you both shouldn't have made any jokes. But it's shit I wouldn't even say about the person who raped me, and I wouldn't want anyone else to say it, either.
At least respect her wishes while I'm in the hospital after trying to kill myself, and she was the one who found me and brought me here.
There's a fucking line. At least don't go and dance over it when your friend is going through shit.
I thought you'd both know better. And I'll bet you'll say 'look at the rapist lecturing us'.
I don't fucking remember what the fuck happened.
At least pretend to have empathy towards [name]. Call me whatever the fuck you want, but if you actually ever cared about me, you'll stop in front of [name]. She isn't ignoring what happened, and I wish she wasn't there for me either, but don't make things worse for her.