u/Jealous-Mortgage7627

These are a few texts from a few different relationships I’ve had over the past year and a half. I’m giving dating advice break now for a while I focus on going back to school.

I’m a Christian 20f. My faith is very important to me and I only date Christian men within my denomination.

Same story every time. I’m their dream girl for two months… then they start growing distant. I react horribly, I don’t take breakups well at all. How can I stop this? How can I handle this in a Christian way? It’s becoming a pattern.

My last ex admitted to “love bombing” me for the first month or so. During that month I thought I found the man of my dreams. He completed shifted and turned out he had some anger issues that I wasn’t ok with. It was mutual, but I still texted him about the letter two weeks after we broke up. I’ve only texted him once since the breakup… versus spamming people in the past and being downright horrible to them.

I thought I grew. I thought he had wronged me.

I feel like I keep getting played over and over again. But am I getting played, or is this normal in dating, for people to decide they don’t like you and move on that quick? I just feel hurt and wronged all the time.

“You’re so beautiful” two weeks later, “I’m sorry I guess you just weren’t pretty enough”

“You’re beautiful, inside and out. I’ve been praying for a woman like you” three months later “I love you which is why it’s so hard for me to say I don’t want to be with you”

One has basically called me out and said I’m crazy

I feel crazy sometimes. Who do I talk to, my pastor is my dad. How can I address this before I get into another detrimental relationship. Am I the problem?

I met this man in a denomination specific dating app. He’s not the type to be on a dating app… neither was I, and he originally facebooked messaged me last summer in July. I saw he was military, didn’t want to deal with that/was wary, and ignored him. He dmed me in October again, just commenting on a picture from the solo trip I was on. He had been to Germany too with the military, and we chatted about where we’ve been.

I was hesitant at first. VERY. I had gone through two breakups last year already. I was off the dating apps and didn’t think they could bear any fruit. He offered me his number in the summer and I finally used it in October. I don’t even like him that much in the beginning, or at least, I wasn’t blown away by him.

He asked to FaceTime me, (something no one on a dating app has asked to do first yet) and we kind of hit it off from there. He is talkative, funny, and smart. For our first date he drove ten hours to meet me.

Even though he wasn’t my type at first (me, 20, pastors daughter homeschooled most of my life, shy, cradle Christian, Him 30 ex military, been all over the world, new Christian) his faith and perseverance through all the hardship he’s been through impressed me. I was even a bit wary on our first date, but then we went to an art museum the day after and he showed a genuine interest in something I was interested in (I’m an artist) and yeah I kinda fell from there. He’s funny, planned everything, opened doors, and I felt so taken care of a safe the five months we were together. He was Mr get it done, knew how to handle things. He was a pilot and had two air bnb properties he managed. He was ready to fund someone to settle down with.

The screenshots you see here are from a month long period of time. After the month between our first date and our second date, this all stopped. Yeah he was still engaging, we FaceTimed and talked about our days, and had good theological conversations, but the compliments were gone, and he started to get a little mean. The next time I’d visit him I’d start to realize that he has unresolved anger issues. It because evident to me that it is difficult for him to talk about other people without goin on a rant and insulting or complaining about them. Our fun little iMessage 3am call sessions while he was at work as an ems pilot turned into quick phone calls on his way to the gym in which he ranted angrily about everything in his life. He’d swear and tell about it.

Our second date we went to Chicago. I found out later that what happened here was the reason he started to get so distant. After this, he called me pretty ONCE a month and a half later. That and when we broke up where the last times he called me beautiful.

We screwed up in Chicago. We had sex. Neither of our first times, but still detrimental to two Christian’s who want to do things right. I later on asked him if that was what “ruined” this, and he said yeah.

It’s a typical case of “he got what he wanted early on” but it still hurts. I’ve never felt so loved, so cared for, and I didn’t those first few weeks. He became my type, he was a man I had never experienced before. I grew to love him in a very deep way. Not just obsession or limerance, but love him in a Christ like way. And I still do. I think he feels the same way about me, just doesn’t want a relationship anymore. He said that he’s still here for me if I need him, he loves me, and he’s praying for me. When we broke up he listed all the things he loved about me and then said “which is why it’s so hard for me to tell you I don’t want to be with you”

It sucks. This really sucks. It’s been easy to get over, I’ve got work and school going on, but I can’t get back into dating right now. I’m just looking for him in everyone.

Why can’t we work thins out if we love each other?

We had such a good friendship in the beginning. Yes we screwed up but can’t we overcome that? I don’t know what happened.

I wish I could say he was narcissistic, manipulative, blah blah blah. And while he did admit that he lovebombed me, I know him and he was still genuine and kind with me the whole time. Yes there were little issues here and there, and I didn’t get any of the attention I wanted… but we were so perfect for each other in the beginning. Towards the end I was trying to ask him why he was still here, if he was so distant and unaffectionate. He said it was because of how we were in the beginning, and that he knows we could have that friendship back. I want to text him and talk to him so badly. It’s been three weeks now. His life has been all over the place, he basically lost his job recently (allegedly he swore infront of a patient and was complaining on a scene, he swears he didn’t do that but honestly idk) And this definitely affected him towards the end. I want to know so badly how things are going for him. He left the door wide open when he left. I asked him if his mind was made up and he said at least for now. What he’s done is given me hope that in a year or so, we’ll get back together. He’ll be in a seminary pursuing pastoral leadership very close to me. That was the tone. I hate this. He knows me and knows I’d wait around. The only reason I’m not is because I’m joint the reserves to get myself through school, then starting college in the spring of next year. I’m forcing myself to do things because I’m absolutely not going to wait around for him. But if I had the December version of him back, with all the chemistry, theology talks, fun dinners in new cities, cozy nights at his house playing scrabble, I’d take him back.

Ugh.