I definitely dislike little kids but my mom and grandma (who also do) said it's different with your own. Is it?
So I'm 30F, getting married later this year. Great fiancé(31M), love my life, love my freedom, love our friends, love traveling together.
From like 20-24 I fostered dogs and loved it, and I don't know if I've gotten more protective of my space or selfish or something, but I tried again a few months back and just hated it. The diversion from my normal life, the worries about pee, fur everywhere, being constantly needed, having to aid them falling asleep in the crate after an hour of crying and worrying about my neighbors. I feel this bodes pretty badly for a kid.
At the same time, I know I won't be 30 forever. Not just the biological clock in mind, but all the holidays I enjoy spending with my parents will come to an end. One day it will just be my husband and I and his single siblings (I'm an only child, so that also gives some guilt), and presumably no one else. I hate the idea of a kid that asks how everything works and doesn't let us sleep for 3 years but I like the idea of a 9 year old (and up) with their own interests and personalities. Basically if we could fast forward to that I would be on board.
Our friends with kids are only two couples of twelve right now, but that will surely change. I know the fun we all have and frequency of it will come to an end and that kid pressure will turn up. But as of now my view is that kids get in the way of your relationship so substantially, until all you talk about is those kids, and I love my fiancé so dearly that the thought terrifies me. I look at couples and their kids at dinner and so often no one is talking and I think to myself their relationship is dead and that will happen to us. My mom once told me she of course loves me more than she loves my dad (and they have a great relationship), and I think that has sat with me negatively ever since.
Basically I'd love to hear if anyone else felt like this, had kids, and is happy. I know my fiancé wanted them when we met, but he said he understands my concerns and would pick me instead every day. I would be the ultimate decider here and I just don't know what the right choice is.
TL;DR: don't want kids to ruin my relationship, don't like young kids at all. Don't mind (well behaved) older kids, but can't imagine my life revolving around them so substantially that I become the sort of mom that talks about their kids to everyone and has them as a phone background. Help.
PS talked at Easter to a friend's brother and his wife who have kids and mentioned the fears about only talking about the kids with each other, they said "yeah of course we want to talk about her all the time, she's the best thing we ever did." I think this also put me in mild paralysis because they were otherwise a very cool couple. I think I simply don't understand how you can enjoy your partner's company and want to throw a kid in the mix.