u/JellyfishJealous5435

Ugh, I love how funny she finds me. She just turned 15 weeks old today, and by God we are the funniest people she has ever met in her life (literally). What a privilege.

She has been laughing and finding us funny for a couple weeks now - but I can tell she's been squealing and trying to force noises out of her throat and its SO CUTE!! I am dying. I really hope I can get it on video next time and look at that forever.

I'm so happy my partner is there. Sometimes I wish I had friends to share this with, but my gosh she's so cute and amazing. I can't believe how much I love this baby!!

Update to this post; https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/FnzNLOeCpe

SIL probably hates me a lot more now. I went a little crazy; I usually have full control over my emotions but I kind of got in a screaming match with her over her playing devil's advocate.

She will however talk to MIL for me. Lol. She says "I'll get my apology" and I have to keep explaining it ISNT about getting my apology or my way. I JUST WANT HER TO BE MORE CONSIDERATE!!! Everything always turns into a fight with her and if she thinks she's big enough to be called out she's big enough to handle it!!

SIL said MIL has been making just as many cosessions as me; for example, expecting to have a baby out of wedlock. I was a little stunned when I heard this; was she expecting me to abort this baby?? Hide it away?? Like what does this mean?????

I expect to get an apology and literally not see any changes. She did say my message was going to give her another heart attack so we're cool and chilling. DH is upset with MIL for behaving this way, but I mean.. what do ya do. She's just like my mom at 16, and I had to cut that one of for 6 years to ensure she would change her behaviour. I suppose we will see how this actually goes lol.

Like what do I do after this? I'm willing to play nice, but I'm certainly still not traveling? Or letting her stay here?

Everytime I feel a little guilty I am reminded as to why I don't like my MIL. Maybe I am oversharing. But I just got texted with;

"Hope everything is fine and you are taking care of yourself alongwith <LO>. I am missing all of you and waiting for you to come India."

Like I'm sorry. Is this lady genuinely stupid?? Like I'm asking. You ignored me for a week, we do NOT have a good relationship, and you think I am going to take my baby to India?! When?! I'm not doing it!

The family there? Sucks!! They aren't even good people, she just makes a lot of excuses for them. In my humble opinion, she put DH in MANY neglectful and dangerous situations when they were a child around said family members.

I knew she was asking about vaccinations too much. I knew it had a reason. I hate being told I'm wrong about something to end up right like fucking always!!! DH asked me to not say anything, but I fear I can't ignore this. DH is a pussy - and I have to make it very clear that there is no traveling with baby. Especially not there. I also, do not want to go there. DH also, does not want to go there. I am not going to make you more comfortable so you can see my baby and proceed to ignore me!!

She's on call with DH right now, she texted me she just had a heart attack so DH should pick up the calls (even if DH said yesterday they would call today). I might just steal the phone and say it to her. I am not doing this!! I'm so angry and annoyed and just viscerally upset at the way this woman talks to me.

EDIT:: I already knew this was something she wanted!! She didnt say it but I have had vaccine questions ring through my ears like 4 times when she was here. I'm not an idiot, the family over there asked it too over phone. It's also the reason my daughter gets an ID card, NOT an international passport.

UPDATE!!

SIL probably hates me a lot more now. I went a little crazy; I usually have full control over my emotions but I kind of got in a screaming match with her over her playing devil's advocate.

She will however talk to MIL for me. Lol. She says "I'll get my apology" and I have to keep explaining it ISNT about getting my apology or my way. I JUST WANT HER TO BE MORE CONSIDERATE!!! Everything always turns into a fight with her and if she thinks she's big enough to be called out she's big enough to handle it!!

SIL said MIL has been making just as many cosessions as me; for example, expecting to have a baby out of wedlock. I was a little stunned when I heard this; was she expecting me to abort this baby?? Hide it away?? Like what does this mean?????

I expect to get an apology and literally not see any changes. She did say my message was going to give her another heart attack so we're cool and chilling. DH is upset with MIL for behaving this way, but I mean.. what do ya do. She's just like my mom at 16, and I had to cut that one of for 6 years to ensure she would change her behaviour. I suppose we will see how this actually goes lol.

Like what do I do after this? I'm willing to play nice, but I'm certainly still not traveling? Or letting her stay here?

Hi all! I made some posts before about my MIL ignoring me in my home. This is a long one about essentially nothing. I think I just need to get it off of my chest.

&#x200B;

No crazy updates. I think, anyway. Honorable mentions;

- Even after mentioning it several times, she was surprised to hear we wanted to split the hotel (considering we aren't the richest and the hotel cost a band) and misunderstood. But has shown no intention of rectifying this. I've kinda let this go.

- She sent me a text a few days after telling me that I am not just her DIL I am like her daughter, and that she plays for me and my health every single day (and some other stuff).

I was the one sending pics of DH and baby, so after posting on my story I'm sure she realised I will not be sending her pictures anymore and tried to rectify it. Not really knowing what to say, I didnt reply at all. (My bad. Lol.)

- I'm getting along with SIL amazingly! She's super sweet.

&#x200B;

Now, I'm snoopy. Maybe snoopy isn't a good word for it - but I like knowing everything thats going on that could possibly affect me or my family. I dont know, I just need to know every single possible detail going on so that I can make conclusions.

&#x200B;

I realise after a while I haven't heard anything about MIL from DH for a while. I have DH's phone with me while out shopping so I don't have to use my card and I accidentally press a notification from MIL. Now they of course speak Hindi over text, so I'm not able to understand. But my name is certainly the same in every language. I check a bit and see that my name came from MIL a few times. Okay, cool. I come home, and I ask DH about it. I essentially just ask if they've been dealing with MIL all on their own (and I know that's difficult) and I get a sheepish yes back.

&#x200B;

Do not misunderstand! It is sweet that this burden is not put on me. But like I said, I need to know everything!! I try and be gentle in explaining this and ask what was going on that she's bringing me up so much. I thought baby pictures or something.

&#x200B;

Nope. Kind off. She wants DH to take a video of me and my babygirl?? But does not say of what purpose. I'm sure she's also very well aware of the fact that I wouldn't allow it. Because wdym you're blatantly ignoring me and now you want videos of me?? I'm good. I really become uncooperative when I feel disrespected.

&#x200B;

Now all of this happened and I haven't really heard of it since. I kind of wonder what happened. I know DH has been going very very low contact with MIL. I feel bad about it. DH loves MIL, and really wants us to get along (but does not bring this up to me. I can just tell, yknow?) But MIL is just someone I won't get along with.

&#x200B;

My relationship isn't really faltering over this. DH Is oblivious to some things and doesn't always act accordingly, but will always pick our family and I'm so grateful. But how do I deal with the guilt that comes with?

DH gets along wonderfully with my mom. That doesn't help either. I think that just makes the guilt feel worse, even if it must feel nice to have an adultier-adult to trust.

&#x200B;

I think I just wish the meeting went different? Things would have been easier then. I sometimes feel like if I was more cooperative things wouldnt have to go this way. Alas, I was raised in specific ways that I REAAAALLLYYY stand by, and MIL has never had consequences for behaviour like this. It sucks being the first consequence.

Oh my God. I cant believe I survived these 9 days LOL. I come bearing updates.

So, my SO has been learning a lot on how to handle MIL and what certain behaviours mean. The day I made my last post, SO called me outside as MIL walked up to me, shook my hand and told me I need to tell her when she does something I do not like.

I was so caught off guard I think I crushed her hand a little in blinded anger. I also did not really respond - like both of your kids call out your behaviour but apologising is too much?

She also got my first mother's day. I made the compromise of her getting a half day with SO, before she got here (honestly, I thought we'd get along better), and she truly believed we would all be spending it together. How selfish can you be!!! I became a mother 8 weeks ago, and you've been ignoring me for a week of it!! Give me my mothers day back!!

Alas, me and SO argued about the time they'd come home (SO said 8PM, I said absolutely not) and I went to my mother and her family, who were wonderful. I was still sad SO didnt plan anything for me on mothers day but took MIL out for food, activities etc. I think I just feel a little neglected. She also did not text me until 9PM and then had the audacity to send the following;

"You are also a mother now,

I know you are a loving and caring mother for your baby.

I wish and I know your baby and my grand daughter will make us proud one day."

I ignored it. I couldnt bring myself to; its not about "ypur granddaughter" its about MY child. She doesnt have to make you proud, she doesnt even have to make me proud. Im nitpicking but it all just makes me so upset.

I did discuss with SO that she will never be coming here again. Ever. She will never be in my house for more than 2h+ at a time ever again, and she will not have a close relationship with my daughter. I dont want it.

Today is the last day she's here. Yesterday, SO brought up her half of the hotel to her. She believed she already paid it to us (she sent us some money in my 2nd trimester, before this got discussed) and thought that was that. Its like a 500EUR split.. I think its so incredibly rude, as she makes her kids book everything for her and then doesnt pay lol. I hate her, I hate her so much. I cant wait till she leaves and I never have to see her again, thank you Jesus.

Kind of an update to my last post where my MIL wanted to live in my house for thirty days when we had my (now beautifully born!!) daughter.

TLDR; I think I'm childish for locking myself away and exchanging baby with SO between spaces. MIL ignores me fully and I feel makes selfish choices for herself and to erase me out of her picture.

This is very long!! I am so incredibly sorry.

From the last post we have had serious discussions, opinions have changed (bad birth experience so different needs, but some compromises have been made;)

• We got the hotel! We paid half of the stay.

• The stay was 9 days. She said she never said 30 and always said 15. (Which.. no?)

This is mostly backstory/(the update to) to know why I really dont understand why she thinks I hated her just because we clashed for a moment;

We talked without my SO in the middle. I just decided it would be better to cut out the middle man so she could understand how I was feeling. This mostly came from her not complimenting my daughters name and instead being upset it wasn't done according to a ritual in their culture (SO doesnt parttake and I had already decided on a name; the ritual would also give me less freedom to choose). EVEN HERE I COMPROMISED! Id pick a name for the ritual but it is very clear it will NEVER be used. My daughter already has a name. Just protection or whatever. I am however, still angry at the fact she has never complimented either name I picked. But whatever!! It was done, I got my way, she got her way - we compromise because we're adults.

To current time:

She's here as I write this. 3 days ago, she arrived after quite a journey. I saw that she had posted that she was excited to meet me and baby. Cool, us too. This feels important to me.

I just changed my daughter and walk out of the bedroom, she walks up to me and I try and talk to her about her travel. She replies "Very exhausting." Which I reply to that I can imagine. She is immediately in my babies face and talking to her. I get it, she's really cute - I show her off a bit. I try to talk, she is *not* talking back.

I sit down. She follows me around - baby is sleeping but is due a feed and I'm sitting her upright to give a bottle. MIL's hands are IN MY LAP to grab baby. I was a little overwhelmed. I mean, you think about it happening and what you'd do, but you dont exactly expect it to happen right? She also has not said a word to me yet. I say no not now I'm feeding her first.

That was that. I offer her after, I think - no big deal. SO was making drinks for us, so I had to inform afterwards that this happened.

MIL speaks in her own language constantly to SO. Not a lick of English (that we do speak over the phone/text) and ignores me COMPLETELY. The house just falls silent for moments at a time if she is not talking to SO. I do not know anything about her, she does not know me.

At this point Im gonna go for a walk. I come up with the idea to buy like some cheap cute baby clothes and get into a convo, maybe even go baby shopping so SO can get a break? I thought this was SOOO smart.

I get there. I show off the clothes. SO ofc replies, MIL says NOTHING. There is no facial expression, there is no words. I wait for a moment before continuing - I think I just felt embarassed.

I kind of retreated after that with baby. I sat down with them a couple of times but nothing.

I sit down a final time with them to feed baby at my desk so I can be a bit more comfortable. Its semi-seperated from the living room but yknow you can see and hear eachother. She starts unpacking ALL the gifts she got baby with only SO. Its HEAPS. Im talking my living room table, couch, partners chair? Filled. AND a SUITCASE with some stuff in it. Most of it isnt thought out for baby to match season to year as I looked through it later that night. I dont know what to do with it. There's so much I would never use. Of course, there are also some really cute pieces, that I could make work with probably a little extra work. I would have loved to be able to parttake and actually tell her that some were cute🫠

She did also give some gold pieces, which was very nice ofcourse. I dont want to seem ungrateful - I understand gifts are nice. But.. There's so much.

Right after, we are playing with babies mirror toy. She gives (SPIRITUALLY!) unwanted advice and SO shoots it down. Even if its in a different language I understood what happened in the moment. (Meow).

At around 6.30ish*** they get ready to leave and go to the hotel, and she arrives the next day at 12.45. She said 11, but public transport is tricky so it's whatever. I send SO out with baby to go pick them up together. Allows me to have a break, they go to the mall - my dad to come over real quick, and she gets to see baby first thing. I thought it'd be nice. I'll see baby when she gets home.

They come home. I ask her how the first night was. I get back a two word reply AGAIN. SO puts groceries on the counter, MIL grabs (with unwashed hands!! After we asked like twice beforehand:() baby out of Stroller and goes to cuddle with her on the couch away from me, like across the room.

I am GAGGED!! I look at SO, SO sees me and grabs baby, I go change her - SO comes and apologises. This part I dont necessarily feel that crazy for, but I feel puts into perspective that she is NOT here for me.

She just doesn't talk to me. When we are alone with baby, she only talks to baby. SO had spoken to her SEVERAL TIMES that she needed to start talking to me.

However, she talks SO's ears off?? Stories and laughing and all of that. Imagine if she tried it in a language we could all understand - we wouldn't be here. Because Im pretty good at holding a conversation - I can build off of most things. She just does not engage.

But finally she talks to me. Im sitting at my desk and she gets behind me. She gives me two more gifts and then we have our first conversation (I hard carried it) about something we kind of had in common. She then asks me to meet her family over call. I tell her I will think about it.

I feel a little offended that she's only talking to me to ask me this, because (according to SIL) the family puts pressure on her for this. Okay, that sucks. I still dont want to do this though - I still dont even know you?? I feel & look kinda trashed all the time?? Please no :')

Now this is where I feel like I might be the JUSTNO And acting like a child. I consider myself to be mature - but I am just 23 and still figuring it all out. Sometimes, that means you need to be called out on your shit.

I have decided to stop caring. You do not wish to talk to me? After THREE days? Fine, whatever.  Even getting SIL involved to talk to MIL (they're SOOOO close), she is just constantly making excuses.

I wouldn't hear them from her, ofcourse. From SO and SIL who try to show me that "it's just a language barrier" and "their mom is just a quiet person", I've also heard that she believes I "didn't like her from the start because we clashed" and "She wanted to give me space to get used to her presence here".

She now wants to "try again" and keeps making SO get me to try and have a conversation with her. My house isnt big, avoiding her is hard - but I genuinely just started pretending like she didnt exist back. She is here for 6 more days - I feel like I shouldnt give a fuck, and teach a 40+ year old woman how to be a social human being when I have tried my part. I am just shunning away. I trust my SO fully to stick to my rules and stand up against MIL when necessary (as they have been talking about this, MIL just ignores it. We discuss all day what we together think is a good choice to make about something and SO will talk to her (since she says she doesnt understand me).

Now this is how I feel. I could also be very hormonal. I'm barely 8 weeks PP, so.

I think she is just here to be grandmother and would genuinely rather just pretend I dont exist so she can be the grandmother she wants to be. But with all of the excuses I keep hearing and SIL saying she's just like that (I dont dislike SIL at all), I feel like it might be me. I lock myself in my bedroom and me and SO kinda exchange baby for bits at a time (longer with me) and allow MIL to hold her when she's awake and not fussy. SO does everything else and they stick very well to that. I am also a pretty scary wife so that helps.

Is it me?? I know I dont like her. I genuinely DONT like her. So is that getting in my way of being impartial? Like am I even being valid right now?? I would love to act my grown age but it sometimes feels very hard when it comes to my baby.

EDIT: Some spelling mistakes, and she's here for about 8 hours a day. Smiley face.