Do you fear people finding out about you so they wont treat you 'differently?'
Like if someone found out about your diagnosis/es or if they find out about what you do to others or yourself when you're triggered, then you are scared that they will not treat you 'organically' in the sense that they will intentionally change their behavior to be nice to you like they're acting? then it will make you feel like you have fake friends and make you think bad things about yourself?