u/JohnBash010

The standards are so low that literally everything the club stands for is not present anymore. I can't believe we've backed a guy who doesn't know or respect the values of the club, and makes everything about himself. When did we become so insecure? We've turned into Atletico Madrid, I swear. I am sorry, but there's no way in hell you would back this guy or anyone who's with him to lift our club to glory. I don't care how good he can be, he's tainted the club's image so bad that he made our rivals right about us. I have fallen out of love with the sport because I don't recognize my club anymore, and I have been through the trenches with them.

I have loved being a healer, a listener, a friend of strangers. I have heard pain beneath silence, offered warmth when it was too cold for everyone. Despite everything life has placed upon me, I never allowed it to harden my soft heart. I chose carefully what pain was allowed to change within me, terrified that the parts of myself I loved most would slowly disappear. So I protected them, grew them, and grew into them.

When I feel drained, I pull out the wires, recharge, but eventually I come back to this endless, beautiful, painful, addictive loop. Sometimes I wish I were on the surface. I wish I were just riding the waves without diving into them.

I am attracted to chaos, things that are dangerous to my peace. And what is put to me on a platter seems right, but rarely awakens my soul. It's like life has a meaning wherever my heart tells me to flow, where it gets consumed, whereas I feel at peace when I don't feel anything at all.

I cannot seem to find the balance between surrender and control. If I follow my heart completely, it carries me too far. If I restrain it, life becomes uncolorful.

How can you relate?

This is going to sound like a "pick me" post, but I have been really struggling with this. I [25M] have been having these thoughts that I want to marry a non-muslim and help her revert, or a newly reverted to help her get into Islam.

I have some issues myself. I have this annoying "rescuer" or " I can fix them" mentality. Don't get me wrong, I love this trait about myself -to an extent-, and I can see myself dependable to others. Because I see myself having a sensical and spiritual connection with Islam, I have always been helpful to myself and others in understanding it. I have helped men revert to Islam and others who were struggling with faith and depression. These experiences made me very happy to be part of someone's journey to wellness.

But unfortunately, this has fed my "rescuer" complex, and it's been getting really annoying. It's not all sunshine and rainbows; I've had some bad experiences because of it. I love doing it, and it makes me happy with myself, but I don't want to have an unhealthy obsession with it.

Regarding relationships, the norm is to have someone who brings peace and happiness, but what if marrying someone and helping them find hidayah and tawbah brings me peace and happiness?

Don't get me wrong, I am very convinced of this verse:

"إِنَّكَ لَا تَهْدِي مَنْ أَحْبَبْتَ وَلَٰكِنَّ اللَّهَ يَهْدِي مَن يَشَاءُ ۚ وَهُوَ أَعْلَمُ بِالْمُهْتَدِينَ"
"You surely cannot guide whoever you like ˹O Prophet˺, but it is Allah Who guides whoever He wills, and He knows best who are ˹fit to be˺ guided."

Allah is their guide, and that can never be me. But I can be their mentor while his guidance finds them. Also, this is a noble thing to do to help someone revert, and it has a very high reward.

Of course, the risks are there, and choosing to marry someone with a different background can have consequences. But I have heard of lots of success stories. I know some families who live happily. At the end of the day, it's naseeb, and I don't want to force anything. I am moving abroad to a non-muslim country soon, so I have been thinking about this a lot. Also, since this is a common topic, my family won't stand in my way for making a decision like this.

What I'm looking for is advice. How do I cope with these ideas psychologically? Anyone who had a similar experience? Should I be open to them? Or should I try to get rid of them completely? Please don't be judgmental. Thanks in advance.