u/Junior-Accident-3134

HE IS ASLEEP NEXT TO ME

AND I JUST FOUND EVERYTHING

NOT JUST MESSAGES

NOT JUST SEXTING

BUT HIM PLANNING TO MEET UP WITH SOMEONE LOCAL

LIKE ACTUALLY LEAVING THIS BED

LEAVING ME

TO GO SEE SOMEONE ELSE

AND THE THINGS HE WAS SAYING…

WHAT HE WANTS TO DO

WHAT HE WANTS DONE TO HIM

LIKE I DON’T EVEN EXIST

“TELL ME WHAT YOU’D DO TO ME”

“SEND ME SOMETHING”

“I THINK I’M BI I JUST HAVEN’T TRIED IT YET”

AND NOW I’M SITTING HERE REALIZING

HE PROBABLY IS

AND HE DIDN’T TELL ME

HE JUST WENT AND LIVED IT BEHIND MY BACK

IT’S NOT EVEN ABOUT THAT

IT’S THE LYING

THE SNEAKING

THE DOUBLE LIFE

HE’S RIGHT NEXT TO ME

SLEEPING LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED

AND I FEEL LIKE I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO I’M IN BED WITH ANYMORE

I FEEL SICK

I FEEL STUPID

I FEEL COMPLETELY BLINDSIDED

HOW DO YOU EVEN PROCESS SOMETHING LIKE THIS???

17 weeks pregnant and I feel like I’m not even in my own damn body anymore. like I’m just floating outside of myself watching my life fall apart in real time and I can’t grab onto anything to stop it.

no comfort from this pregnancy. no peace. no “it’ll be okay.” just silence in my body and chaos in my head that won’t shut the fuck up.

and I just found out everything.

we’ve been together for 10 years.

and he slept with her.

super early in the relationship. because she was “nice” to him. that’s what I’m supposed to sit with. like that excuses it. like that makes it smaller. like I’m supposed to hear that and not feel like my whole reality just got spit on.

but it doesn’t get smaller.

it gets worse.

because now the beginning of us isn’t safe in my head anymore. it’s split open. contaminated. every memory from back then is getting ripped apart and replayed like “oh so THAT’S what was happening while I was building trust like an idiot.” I’m questioning everything. what was real, what was fake, what I was just too in love or too hopeful to see.

and the worst part?

he’s acting like everything is normal.

like I didn’t just find out something that completely rewired how I see him, how I see us, how I see the last 10 fucking years of my life. like I’m supposed to swallow it, shut up, and go back to being normal so he doesn’t have to sit in discomfort.

I can’t do that.

I’m not okay.

and I’m pissed. like actually pissed. not crying-soft-pissed. I mean deep, shaking, what-the-fuck-is-this-life anger sitting in my chest all day.

because it’s not just what he did.

it’s how he’s acting like I’m the problem for reacting to it.

like I’m the one messing up “normal” because I can’t unhear something that changes everything.

and while all of this is happening, there’s everything else I’ve been carrying for years too.

we’ve been together 10 years and I still feel like I’m competing with random girls on the internet.

he likes their pictures. comments on them. saves them. engages with them like they matter.

but me? I post, I send him pictures, I try to feel seen and it’s barely anything. a like if I’m lucky. a heart react like I’m some afterthought he clicks so it looks like he did something.

and it fucks with my head more than I even like admitting.

because now all of that is sitting on top of what I just found out and everything is tangled and ugly and loud and I can’t separate anything anymore.

my brain keeps replaying shit I never asked to know.

him with her. him choosing her because she was “nice.” me thinking the beginning of us was one thing while apparently there was another version of it happening right under it.

it doesn’t stop. it just loops like punishment.

and then there’s me in all of this too.

I cheated too—but it was online. messages, strangers, validation. I didn’t physically step outside the relationship, but I was already emotionally starving. I was watching him give attention to other women online, feeling invisible in my own damn relationship, feeling like I was there but not chosen, not wanted in a real way. I got lost chasing feeling wanted somewhere, anywhere, even if it was temporary and messy and wrong.

I’m not confused about it being wrong. I’ve always known it was wrong. I’ve always taken accountability for it. I regret it deeply—not because I got caught, but because I knew he didn’t deserve that from me, even though I tried so many times to tell him how disconnected and hurt I was feeling and it still ended up there anyway.

after I got caught through my phone, I didn’t hide from it. I put my phone in his view. I left it open. I let him see everything because I wanted to rebuild trust for real. not fake it. not play games. I wanted him to know I was sorry and I meant it. not just “I got caught” sorry. actually sorry. actually understanding what I did.

but now everything feels fucked up and twisted.

because after finding out he slept with her early on, the guilt I had about my cheating doesn’t sit the same anymore. it’s still there, but it’s mixed with rage. because he held that secret for YEARS while holding mine over my head like I was the only one who ever betrayed anything.

and when I got caught, he didn’t just talk to me. he belittled me. called me names. and there were moments he put his hands on me.

and now he’s sitting there saying my cheating cancels everything out, that I lied and he didn’t. but he was lying the entire relationship. building a life with me. we already have 2 kids. and now I’m sitting here wondering what else I don’t know. what else is hidden. what else I’m standing in while being told to calm down and act like everything is even.

and it’s driving me fucking insane.

because I’m trying to hold accountability for myself while also holding the reality of what’s been done to me, and none of it balances. it just hurts in every direction at once.

and even after all of that…

I still want him.

and I hate that I still want him.

I still want to be wanted by him. not halfway. not inconsistently. FULLY. like I’m not competing for basic emotional safety in my own relationship like it’s some fucked up game I keep losing.

but instead I feel like I’m constantly trying to earn something that should have already been there.

I don’t feel connected to this pregnancy right now.

I don’t feel connected to him.

I don’t feel connected to myself.

just stuck in my head, trying not to fall apart while everything keeps acting like nothing changed.

but everything changed.

17 weeks pregnant and I feel like I’m not even in my own damn body anymore. like I’m just floating outside of myself watching my life fall apart in real time and I can’t grab onto anything to stop it.

no comfort from this pregnancy. no peace. no “it’ll be okay.” just silence in my body and chaos in my head that won’t shut the fuck up.

and I just found out everything.

we’ve been together for 10 years.

and he slept with her.

super early in the relationship. because she was “nice” to him. that’s what I’m supposed to sit with. like that excuses it. like that makes it smaller. like I’m supposed to hear that and not feel like my whole reality just got spit on.

but it doesn’t get smaller.

it gets worse.

because now the beginning of us isn’t safe in my head anymore. it’s split open. contaminated. every memory from back then is getting ripped apart and replayed like “oh so THAT’S what was happening while I was building trust like an idiot.” I’m questioning everything. what was real, what was fake, what I was just too in love or too hopeful to see.

and the worst part?

he’s acting like everything is normal.

like I didn’t just find out something that completely rewired how I see him, how I see us, how I see the last 10 fucking years of my life. like I’m supposed to swallow it, shut up, and go back to being normal so he doesn’t have to sit in discomfort.

I can’t do that.

I’m not okay.

and I’m pissed. like actually pissed. not crying-soft-pissed. I mean deep, shaking, what-the-fuck-is-this-life anger sitting in my chest all day.

because it’s not just what he did.

it’s how he’s acting like I’m the problem for reacting to it.

like I’m the one messing up “normal” because I can’t unhear something that changes everything.

and while all of this is happening, there’s everything else I’ve been carrying for years too.

we’ve been together 10 years and I still feel like I’m competing with random girls on the internet.

he likes their pictures. comments on them. saves them. engages with them like they matter.

but me? I post, I send him pictures, I try to feel seen and it’s barely anything. a like if I’m lucky. a heart react like I’m some afterthought he clicks so it looks like he did something.

and it fucks with my head more than I even like admitting.

because now all of that is sitting on top of what I just found out and everything is tangled and ugly and loud and I can’t separate anything anymore.

my brain keeps replaying shit I never asked to know.

him with her. him choosing her because she was “nice.” me thinking the beginning of us was one thing while apparently there was another version of it happening right under it.

it doesn’t stop. it just loops like punishment.

and then there’s me in all of this too.

I cheated too—but it was online. messages, strangers, validation. I didn’t physically step outside the relationship, but I was already emotionally starving. I was watching him give attention to other women online, feeling invisible in my own damn relationship, feeling like I was there but not chosen, not wanted in a real way. I got lost chasing feeling wanted somewhere, anywhere, even if it was temporary and messy and wrong.

I’m not confused about it being wrong. I’ve always known it was wrong. I’ve always taken accountability for it. I regret it deeply—not because I got caught, but because I knew he didn’t deserve that from me, even though I tried so many times to tell him how disconnected and hurt I was feeling and it still ended up there anyway.

after I got caught through my phone, I didn’t hide from it. I put my phone in his view. I left it open. I let him see everything because I wanted to rebuild trust for real. not fake it. not play games. I wanted him to know I was sorry and I meant it. not just “I got caught” sorry. actually sorry. actually understanding what I did.

but now everything feels fucked up and twisted.

because after finding out he slept with her early on, the guilt I had about my cheating doesn’t sit the same anymore. it’s still there, but it’s mixed with rage. because he held that secret for YEARS while holding mine over my head like I was the only one who ever betrayed anything.

and when I got caught, he didn’t just talk to me. he belittled me. called me names. and there were moments he put his hands on me.

and now he’s sitting there saying my cheating cancels everything out, that I lied and he didn’t. but he was lying the entire relationship. building a life with me. we already have 2 kids. and now I’m sitting here wondering what else I don’t know. what else is hidden. what else I’m standing in while being told to calm down and act like everything is even.

and it’s driving me fucking insane.

because I’m trying to hold accountability for myself while also holding the reality of what’s been done to me, and none of it balances. it just hurts in every direction at once.

and even after all of that…

I still want him.

and I hate that I still want him.

I still want to be wanted by him. not halfway. not inconsistently. FULLY. like I’m not competing for basic emotional safety in my own relationship like it’s some fucked up game I keep losing.

but instead I feel like I’m constantly trying to earn something that should have already been there.

I don’t feel connected to this pregnancy right now.

I don’t feel connected to him.

I don’t feel connected to myself.

just stuck in my head, trying not to fall apart while everything keeps acting like nothing changed.

but everything changed.

I’m pregnant and I don’t feel anything anymore, and I’m done trying to force it to make sense. He cheated and lied, and I’m not interested in understanding it or fixing it. I don’t trust him. I don’t feel love there anymore. Just distance. I’m still here physically, but emotionally I’ve already left. There’s nothing to argue about.

I’m just done.

I feel like my life just got ripped out from under me.

We’ve been together 10 years. Two kids. I’m 16 weeks pregnant with our third. This man is my whole adult life. And I just found out he physically cheated on me… but it wasn’t recent. It was only about a year into our relationship. And he’s been hiding it ever since like nothing happened.

That alone feels like my reality is collapsing, because it means this wasn’t just a “bad moment.” This was something he carried while we built a life, had kids, celebrated milestones, and I trusted him completely. I feel stupid. Like I’ve been loving someone who was never fully honest with me from the start.

What makes it worse is our relationship has already been struggling. We’ve had a dead bedroom for a while, and yeah, part of that is me. But it didn’t come out of nowhere. I’ve felt emotionally neglected for a long time. No dates. No effort. No affection unless it leads somewhere for him. Just… distance. And on top of that, he’s always made me feel insecure. Looking at other women, commenting, making it obvious he finds them attractive. That kind of thing slowly breaks something inside you.

I hate admitting this, but I’m not innocent either. At one point, I sent pictures to someone else. I was lonely and trying to feel wanted. I know it was wrong and I take accountability for it. But I didn’t physically go and be with someone else. What confuses me even more is we’ve still been having sex since I found out. I don’t even understand myself. Part of me feels like I’m trying to hold on to what I thought my life was, and part of me just feels numb.

I’m angry. I’m heartbroken. I feel humiliated. And I’m pregnant, and I don’t even feel connected to this pregnancy right now, which scares me. I don’t know what’s real anymore. I don’t know if this relationship is even fixable or if I’ve just stayed too long to see clearly.

How do you leave someone who’s been your entire life… when the truth about them comes out years too late?