u/JunkDumpAccount2

I'm 26, Male. I haven't gotten to college and still live at home with my mother. I keep trying to right now focus on writing and drawing, but I just can't seem to improve at art, and I'm very weary of writing and nervous i'm not probably realistically not going to make enough money with it to live. I sort of feel stuck from a few problems. To paraphrase to explain my situation but avoid venting, I have one of those helicopter mothers who thinks if you leave the house you'll get shot and killed, and my father ripped me out of high school against my will and sued me at 18 and took my college fund which is another story for another time.

After the court stuff settled, I still live with my mother, but she doesn't really lift a finger to help me but does thankfully financially keep me afloat in the house and doesn't charge me rent. The downside is that she doesn't like me bothering her but also is afraid if I leave the house I'll somehow die, so she actively works to prevent me from leaving the house to visit people in other states, and I probably can't do much until I have enough money to just move out all at once, and my original plan was to hopefully make a career from my room making art and writing online somehow, but that's not working, I ironically find it harder to improve at art now than I did when I was young and some thing with writing. My mother's only advice for a job really is Target, which I don't know what a financial path like that would look like, assuming they even hired me, but I assume the wage wouldn't be enough to move out anytime soon unless I'm wrong, and once I move out, I still don't have a degree. I'm stuck because I guess like most people, I don't want to work a job I don't feel like fulfills me and waste what little of my 20s I have left here, but I don't know what to go to school for if its not for art or writing, but I don't know if those are going to pay my bills. I don't know what I'm doing anymore and I feel scared about reality crashing down on me more than I feel lost or anything else. I don't have the passion anymore for writing and drawing and Game Design, but I'm assuming I'm just under the weather from the situation and am hoping the passion might come back once I get out of the house. I'm not a homebody, I love exploring and traveling and was happiest the one time I got to go to a city with some friends back when my father still lived with me and hadn't lost his mind yet, nothing makes me happier than being in a car and seeing new things, but I just... feel like my situation is beyond my ability to solve from here. Is there any outside wisdom that could help?

I have light interest in History and Engineering (been over a decade since I last did it though) my best skill in school was math, if those help any. My original goal and "dream" life was to write books, make art, marry an artistic woman of some kind, and go to conventions together and then when we come back home, make games with a team of people we know/hire somehow and/or work with said hypothetical wife to help with her goals as well, but the older I get, the more I... feel less confident about making it there.

Hey, to just jump straight into it, I've been having a problem recently where the more I try to focus on my goals, the more I lock up and have this deep resistance, where it feels like my body starts to lock up, freeze, and becomes foggy and feels like it starts trying to involuntarily put me to sleep, and the worst part is that once I get nervous, I find it harder to think, which keeps causing me to fail at pushing through with my goals, causing me to fail harder, which keeps making it harder to push through and not feel my body involuntarily put me to sleep.

This is not meant to be a vent post, I'm genuinely wanting a clear solution. I don't know exactly what is causing this for me, but it's a useful compass and is telling me what I do and don't care about very quickly. It mostly happens whenever I try to write, draw, 3d model, animate, or game design, or anything creative, and I think it's largely because I've unintentionally tied my self worth and found what I value in people is linked by the creative quality and ability to self employed through their own creative means, which should be an auspicious goal, and I think something in me, because it cares so much about how good I am at it, physically starts recoiling due to the fact I am not good at art, or writing or game design, because I keep failing to start, and I can't start because of all of this. And I think while it might partially be a fear of failure, it's because so long as I don't touch my dreams, I don't feel the weight of responsibility and the same fear and terror of life I do when I avoid it, and I think it's not a fear of failure, but the weight of feeling the weight of reality and directly experiencing that failure that's probably causing all this, although it might be from something else, I don't know. Regardless, I'm failing to push past it with my own willpower and the research I've been finding on my own.

I've tried all the advices of "start today, just do something small," or, "divorce yourself from the expectation and just try to enjoy the experience," and other things like that, yet I seem to keep failing. I assume at some point this will come down to "just do it," which I will continue to do so, but my past attempts and trying to do so also haven't been seeming to work. I've tried putting timers, I've tried not timers, I've even tried the dating advice of "get rejected 20 times" as the goal with, "make 20 models you hate and aren't proud of" and so on and so forth, but I can't seem to shake past all of this. I feel like the creative feel, regardless of if I end up able to make it as a career, seems to be what gives me fulfillment, which means if I want a full life I think this is something I need to pursue in some form shape or way, but, I'm stuck on this stage and would like any advice I can use immediately.

My main goal tonight where all this advice will go will be towards trying to 3d model more, and in the long term, trying to just simply write and eventually get a 300 page book finally made and allow myself to let it be released into public and be okay with dealing with that judgement. That's easier said than done though.

Thank you to anyone with good advice, I appreciate it!

I'm 26, Male, and I want to try my hands at archaeology. I've been learning a lot about history and just want to start trying more things in life, but, I don't have a college degree nor have not yet gone to college. Do I need to enroll into a college program, what would be the fastest way to do that to be able to do a dig if I only enroll temporarily to attend something sooner rather than later, or is there a way to do one of any kind without a degree? I don't know how delusional this might be, but that's also why i'm just going to take the risk and directly ask. I Should probably mention too I live in the united states, but I've basically found interest in everywhere I would just want to try the experience regardless of the site, and also, what does a more long term spot look like if possible at all?

I'm 26, male, and to keep this brief and not go into just venting, my biggest problem is my father sued me at 18 and ripped me out of high school against my will and I wasn't able to go to college at 18, and I basically spent all of 15-21 just trapped and housebound, wrapped in court stuff, along with a bunch of other things I don't feel like this is the place to go into them.

Now, just, building a life isn't fun. I don't want to go back and deal with school being surrounded by 18 year olds I can't date or grow up along side with, just to finally get to do some archaeology digging and study chemistry and biology, at a time in my life where I would be getting less student loans and need to be focusing on money first. And since I spent all of 15-21+ dealing with court rather than getting to live, I don't feel any sense of regret, just anger and grief at what has been stolen from me. I am at a stage in life where I need to study and gather skills, but at an age where I need to be making money, and my peers will either be so much younger than me that I won't relate, or the same but in different phases of life that I also won't relate. This isn't fun. The harder I fight, the more miserable I am. I'm no longer having any sort of fun or fulfillment or satisfaction in living. I am so disconnected from both the journey and the destination, neither are satisfying anymore and I'm not enjoying being alive anymore.

Is Jung someone worth reading for someone like me? I never got to be young, and every room I walk into makes me feel bitter, like i'm missing a core part of the human experience and I can't compete with those who did. I feel like someone flung mud on my face and I just want to scream, "I didn't do this to myself, you have to believe me" to everyone I meet, but no matter how hard I scrub, I can't get this mud out. I feel like most advice and psychology I find when doing research isn't bad, but it doesn't seem meant for people like me either. It feels more like its for people who feel like they've failed/ are failing and need and hand to keep going, more than... this schism where it feels like I've been walled off from getting to participate in my own life until I was removed from reality for a few years and then told to just "go live" like nothings happened, and now that I've been set "free," it doesn't feel like I'm fitting *back* anywhere and I'm repeatedly failing to re-enter life from the sidelines where i've been trapped. I can't seem to find a journey in life that doesn't feel like I missed time or am out of place somehow, be it going back to college, just focusing on work, or something else. I feel like I can't live forcing myself to be old without the closure of getting to be young.

I found Jung from facebook reels and know a little about his study of the shadow and him talking about the effects of an unlived life. I didn't get to live my life, but it wasn't from lack of trying, just no 18 year old wins a court case against their own father, and I'm not going to entertain the idea I somehow could have with perfect chess level precision while also being an 18 year old reeling from the fact they just got plucked out of high school against their will and aren't going to graduate along with their peers. Will Jung help me any, and if so, what of his should I read, or his stuff more related to other aspects and should I look for someone else? I can certainly testify he's right, nothing makes me angrier than seeing someone young just drawing for fun, because it feels like that's what I want most out of life. I don't actually want to be a billionaire with a dream partner, perfect kids, or a great career and house or famous, I just want one day to know what it's like to be 15 or 18 and in college and just sit with a drawing pad and just enjoy being alive and just finally have that closure. I cannot figure out how to grapple with the loss in my life that no matter how hard I work, I won't get to be young. This level of Envy is killing me. How am I supposed to move forward just because that's the "thing to do" when my heart just wants to explore what's no longer accessible to me and won't let me enjoy pursuing the future? I can tell my head all day to move but my heart won't listen.

I hope I'm allowed to make a post like this here. I just feel so desperate at this point for some kind of salvation.