u/JustAthoute

Hi ! Sorry if I make some English mistakes it’s not my first language.

TLDR : We’ve been together 3 years, and some things about how we operate differently wants to make me be single again so I can just be myself

So I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for over 3 years now. We met through a friend of his and have been in a relationship and living together ever since, we moved in together after 2 weeks of knowing each other.

I need to emphasize, I love this man. He is an amazing person, kind, he’s so good to people around him, me included, so generous, I don’t pay for anything even though he doesn’t have a lot of money, he always takes care of me, always reassures me, making me feel beautiful, heard, loved, he is at his core a loyal person so I know that even if we stay 40+ years together he would never cheat on me, he is also VERY handsome, takes care of himself, intelligent, anyway, he is the whole package.

The man is everything I wished for when I was single and still I found myself 3 years later, thinking about being single again because I miss not thinking about somebody else all the time.

So here is some reason why I feel like this :

\- Ever since we’ve been together I’ve gained 25 pounds (12kg) because he has a very restrictive diet and since I do all of the cooking making a meal for him and another for me would actually take up to 2H every day and I can’t bring myself to do it (I hate cooking but I’m cursed with being really good at it) so I eat like him. It leads me hating my body which I used to be very proud of. I’m working out rn to lose the weight but still I love every cuisine and I’m stuck with the same food / restaurant when he is around because he won’t eat otherwise. I would love to be able to eat freely with my partner or travel to Japan for instance without worrying of where we could eat.

\- He wants kids (in the future) I don’t, being a mother makes me want to gag, and I feel like the only way I would enjoy motherhood is if I don’t birth one myself and If I have a nanny on duty all the time.

\- I live in a very big city, I love it so much and he tells me all the time how he wants to move to the contryside or a small town but I know I would never be happy in one. I left one as soon as I turned 18 it’s not to go back, I hated it back then I know I’ll hate it even more now.

\- He is a bit jealous. I have a guy best friend, he likes him so no worry about that, but don’t want me to have any other male friendships, and whenever I speak to one (even friends who I knew before our relationship) he gets a really angry. To be clear, I am a faithful woman, I have never cheated one anyone and I won’t, ever. So, I don’t like that I can’t be 100% myself in that aspect of my life. I love taking coffee with friends (any gender) but when it’s a guy who’s straight, I can’t because he would be insufferable. (He doesn’t have girl friends).

For exemple, yesterday, I was at an event with a girl friend, after it was over we wet to the bar with 10+ people, and sometimes later we were ready to go home but we talked about how hungry we was, 2 guys from the group who are chefs where like « yes… should we stay and eat something ? » and the other went «.. or my cooking studio is not that far, I can cook there » so my friend and I were like let’s go !! We grabbed some Ice tea on the way and went. I informed him of everything that was going on, he also have my location, but still he was spamming my phone, calling me relentlessly and told me I was at some random guys apartments, which is not the case it was a work place, a big building with lots of computers and in it a cooking studio. I sent video of the place, of the people, everything that was going on but still he was screaming on the phone, spamming with text.

For clarification, the guys were not weird at all, they just cooked (which was amazing btw), we talked a lot and did some challenges with games and stuff. They were never close to us, never weird or tried anything in any type of way. No alcool was involved or anything it was just a great and funny get together. My friend and I stayed there until 5AM, I know it’s late but we were all talking so much, and my boyfriend was not in my city so I would have stayed up until 5 watching game of thrones anyway so what’s the difference ? I sent videos from the start to the end he knew exactly what was going on but still was crazy. I hate unnecessary jealousy and I wouldn’t mind the other way around giving the context.

\- Ever since we’ve been together I haven’t been to a club, I used to love the nightlife. I am not blaming him on that one because he was very clear in the beginning that if it’s something that is important to me, we’re just not meant to be and I accepted it. I don’t miss it at all but when my friend throw a birthday party and I can’t go just for this occasion or when I’m invited through my work to a once in a lifetime event and I can’t go. I feel really upset because it’s like twice a year and still he’s adamant about the fact that if he is not here and if I went it would mean the end of our relationship because it’s a boundary for him.

\- With my work, I sometime get offer to travel and when I go he is always telling me how it can not work out between us if I go more than he is comfortable (which is none if we’re being honest). He didn’t envision this part of my job and he doesn’t like it. He thinks I can just say no, but it’s amazing opportunities I don’t want to turned down and every time we have a long conversation about how I won’t turn down these travels and he have to deal with it himself. Which is truly exhausting for me, because it’s not that deep. For the record the longest I have been away is 5 days. Usually, it’s only 3 days.

It’s contradictory in a way because with him I never felt more alive, secure and loved but in the same time I feel like I can’t be 100% myself. I’m crying a little writting this because I love him so much and I can’t imagine not being with but still sometimes I miss how I used to be, how it was just me and no one else to consider.

So I don’t know, any advice about how I should navigate the situation ?

Hi ! Sorry if I make some English mistakes it’s not my first language.

So I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for over 3 years now. We met through a friend of his and have been in a relationship and living together ever since, we moved in together after 2 weeks of knowing each other.

I need to emphasize, I love this man. He is an amazing person, kind, he’s so good to people around him, me included, so generous, I don’t pay for anything even though he doesn’t have a lot of money, he always takes care of me, always reassures me, making me feel beautiful, heard, loved, he is at his core a loyal person so I know that even if we stay 40+ years together he would never cheat on me, he is also VERY handsome, takes care of himself, intelligent, anyway, he is the whole package.

The man is everything I wished for when I was single and still I found myself 3 years later, thinking about being single again because I miss not thinking about somebody else all the time.

So here is some reason why I feel like this :

\- Ever since we’ve been together I’ve gained 25 pounds (12kg) because he has a very restrictive diet and since I do all of the cooking making a meal for him and another for me would actually take up to 2H every day and I can’t bring myself to do it (I hate cooking but I’m cursed with being really good at it) so I eat like him. It leads me hating my body which I used to be very proud of. I’m working out rn to lose the weight but still I love every cuisine and I’m stuck with the same food / restaurant when he is around because he won’t eat otherwise. I would love to be able to eat freely with my partner or travel to Japan for instance without worrying of where we could eat.

\- He wants kids (in the future) I don’t, being a mother makes me want to gag, and I feel like the only way I would enjoy motherhood is if I don’t birth one myself and If I have a nanny on duty all the time.

\- I live in a very big city, I love it so much and he tells me all the time how he wants to move to the contryside or a small town but I know I would never be happy in one. I left one as soon as I turned 18 it’s not to go back, I hated it back then I know I’ll hate it even more now.

\- He is a bit jealous. I have a guy best friend, he likes him so no worry about that, but don’t want me to have any other male friendships, and whenever I speak to one (even friends who I knew before our relationship) he gets a really angry. To be clear, I am a faithful woman, I have never cheated one anyone and I won’t, ever. So, I don’t like that I can’t be 100% myself in that aspect of my life. I love taking coffee with friends (any gender) but when it’s a guy who’s straight, I can’t because he would be insufferable. (He doesn’t have girl friends).

For exemple, yesterday, I was at an event with a girl friend, after it was over we wet to the bar with 10+ people, and sometimes later we were ready to go home but we talked about how hungry we was, 2 guys from the group who are chefs where like « yes… should we stay and eat something ? » and the other went «.. or my cooking studio is not that far, I can cook there » so my friend and I were like let’s go !! We grabbed some Ice tea on the way and went. I informed him of everything that was going on, he also have my location, but still he was spamming my phone, calling me relentlessly and told me I was at some random guys apartments, which is not the case it was a work place, a big building with lots of computers and in it a cooking studio. I sent video of the place, of the people, everything that was going on but still he was screaming on the phone, spamming with text.

For clarification, the guys were not weird at all, they just cooked (which was amazing btw), we talked a lot and did some challenges with games and stuff. They were never close to us, never weird or tried anything in any type of way. No alcool was involved or anything it was just a great and funny get together. My friend and I stayed there until 5AM, I know it’s late but we were all talking so much, and my boyfriend was not in my city so I would have stayed up until 5 watching game of thrones anyway so what’s the difference ? I sent videos from the start to the end he knew exactly what was going on but still was crazy. I hate unnecessary jealousy and I wouldn’t mind the other way around giving the context.

\- Ever since we’ve been together I haven’t been to a club, I used to love the nightlife. I am not blaming him on that one because he was very clear in the beginning that if it’s something that is important to me, we’re just not meant to be and I accepted it. I don’t miss it at all but when my friend throw a birthday party and I can’t go just for this occasion or when I’m invited through my work to a once in a lifetime event and I can’t go. I feel really upset because it’s like twice a year and still he’s adamant about the fact that if he is not here and if I went it would mean the end of our relationship because it’s a boundary for him.

\- With my work, I sometime get offer to travel and when I go he is always telling me how it can not work out between us if I go more than he is comfortable (which is none if we’re being honest). He didn’t envision this part of my job and he doesn’t like it. He thinks I can just say no, but it’s amazing opportunities I don’t want to turned down and every time we have a long conversation about how I won’t turn down these travels and he have to deal with it himself. Which is truly exhausting for me, because it’s not that deep. For the record the longest I have been away is 5 days. Usually, it’s only 3 days.

It’s contradictory in a way because with him I never felt more alive, secure and loved but in the same time I feel like I can’t be 100% myself. I’m crying a little writting this because I love him so much and I can’t imagine not being with but still sometimes I miss how I used to be, how it was just me and no one else to consider.

So I don’t know, any advice about how I should navigate the situation ?

Hi ! Sorry if I make some English mistakes it’s not my first language.

So I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (27M) for over 3 years now. We met through a friend of his and have been in a relationship and living together ever since, we moved in together after 2 weeks of knowing each other.

I need to emphasize, I love this man. He is an amazing person, kind, he’s so good to people around him, me included, so generous, I don’t pay for anything even though he doesn’t have a lot of money, he always takes care of me, always reassures me, making me feel beautiful, heard, loved, he is at his core a loyal person so I know that even if we stay 40+ years together he would never cheat on me, he is also VERY handsome, takes care of himself, intelligent, anyway, he is the whole package.

The man is everything I wished for when I was single and still I found myself 3 years later, thinking about being single again because I miss not thinking about somebody else all the time.

So here is some reason why I feel like this :

- Ever since we’ve been together I’ve gained 25 pounds (12kg) because he has a very restrictive diet and since I do all of the cooking making a meal for him and another for me would actually take up to 2H every day and I can’t bring myself to do it (I hate cooking but I’m cursed with being really good at it) so I eat like him. It leads me hating my body which I used to be very proud of. I’m working out rn to lose the weight but still I love every cuisine and I’m stuck with the same food / restaurant when he is around because he won’t eat otherwise. I would love to be able to eat freely with my partner or travel to Japan for instance without worrying of where we could eat.

- He wants kids (in the future) I don’t, being a mother makes me want to gag, and I feel like the only way I would enjoy motherhood is if I don’t birth one myself and If I have a nanny on duty all the time.

- I live in a very big city, I love it so much and he tells me all the time how he wants to move to the contryside or a small town but I know I would never be happy in one. I left one as soon as I turned 18 it’s not to go back, I hated it back then I know I’ll hate it even more now.

- He is a bit jealous. I have a guy best friend, he likes him so no worry about that, but don’t want me to have any other male friendships, and whenever I speak to one (even friends who I knew before our relationship) he gets a really angry. To be clear, I am a faithful woman, I have never cheated one anyone and I won’t, ever. So, I don’t like that I can’t be 100% myself in that aspect of my life. I love taking coffee with friends (any gender) but when it’s a guy who’s straight, I can’t because he would be insufferable. (He doesn’t have girl friends).

For exemple, yesterday, I was at an event with a girl friend, after it was over we wet to the bar with 10+ people, and sometimes later we were ready to go home but we talked about how hungry we was, 2 guys from the group who are chefs where like « yes… should we stay and eat something ? » and the other went «.. or my cooking studio is not that far, I can cook there » so my friend and I were like let’s go !! We grabbed some Ice tea on the way and went. I informed him of everything that was going on, he also have my location, but still he was spamming my phone, calling me relentlessly and told me I was at some random guys apartments, which is not the case it was a work place, a big building with lots of computers and in it a cooking studio. I sent video of the place, of the people, everything that was going on but still he was screaming on the phone, spamming with text.

For clarification, the guys were not weird at all, they just cooked (which was amazing btw), we talked a lot and did some challenges with games and stuff. They were never close to us, never weird or tried anything in any type of way. No alcool was involved or anything it was just a great and funny get together. My friend and I stayed there until 5AM, I know it’s late but we were all talking so much, and my boyfriend was not in my city so I would have stayed up until 5 watching game of thrones anyway so what’s the difference ? I sent videos from the start to the end he knew exactly what was going on but still was crazy. I hate unnecessary jealousy and I wouldn’t mind the other way around giving the context.

- Ever since we’ve been together I haven’t been to a club, I used to love the nightlife. I am not blaming him on that one because he was very clear in the beginning that if it’s something that is important to me, we’re just not meant to be and I accepted it. I don’t miss it at all but when my friend throw a birthday party and I can’t go just for this occasion or when I’m invited through my work to a once in a lifetime event and I can’t go. I feel really upset because it’s like twice a year and still he’s adamant about the fact that if he is not here and if I went it would mean the end of our relationship because it’s a boundary for him.

- With my work, I sometime get offer to travel and when I go he is always telling me how it can not work out between us if I go more than he is comfortable (which is none if we’re being honest). He didn’t envision this part of my job and he doesn’t like it. He thinks I can just say no, but it’s amazing opportunities I don’t want to turned down and every time we have a long conversation about how I won’t turn down these travels and he have to deal with it himself. Which is truly exhausting for me, because it’s not that deep. For the record the longest I have been away is 5 days. Usually, it’s only 3 days.

It’s contradictory in a way because with him I never felt more alive, secure and loved but in the same time I feel like I can’t be 100% myself. I’m crying a little writting this because I love him so much and I can’t imagine not being with but still sometimes I miss how I used to be, how it was just me and no one else to consider.

So I don’t know, any advice about how I should navigate the situation ?