u/JustChard

I was laid off by my employer last month.

This isn't the first payroll mistake they've made. A while back they accidentally paid me an extra month's salary. I immediately informed them and transferred it back because it had been sent to an account I had access to.

Now they've made another mistake.

They accidentally credited money into my provident fund account and someone from accounts reached out asking me to refund it.

I explained that this wasn't like last time because the money wasn't sitting in my normal bank account. It had gone into my provident fund account, so I couldn't simply transfer it back. I asked them to explain the process in writing rather than over a phone call.

Instead, they told me the only practical way to return the money without taking a significant financial hit would be to change my personal tax/financial status. They offered to walk me through the process over a phone call and kept framing it as something that would benefit me.

What frustrates me is that the conversation shifted from "we made a payroll mistake" to "let us help you change your tax/financial setup." I understand they want their money back, and I have no intention of keeping money that isn't mine. But I also don't think I should be expected to make personal financial decisions or spend my time navigating them because of an administrative error that wasn't mine.

Maybe I'm just still bitter because they laid me off a month ago, but the whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth. It feels like I'm being asked to absorb the inconvenience of fixing a mistake made by a company I don't even work for anymore.

Has anyone else dealt with something similar after leaving a company? How did you handle it?

My last job that I got laid off from had such a weird environment. They put an emphasis on hiring youth, so it just seemed like uni number 2. People had their own cliques and everything.

I'm an introvert, but I was so proud of how I connected with everyone at my job before this. They even took me to a surprise farewell party, even when I insisted it wasn't necessary. I loved venting to everyone there.

At the recent one, I tried, but I was always so out of energy because of the hour-long one-way commute that I had to drive. Then I'd come home, do all the housework, and every other weekend I'd go with my husband to his parents' place in another city. I didn't have a lot of spare energy, but I still tried.

It didn't help that the girls there were all the type to spend exorbitant amounts of money on coffee every day. I'm not a coffee person, and even if I was, I'd never spend that much. I still tried to accompany them on their coffee runs, would sometimes get something if I fancied it, and genuinely felt like I was making headway and building connections.

Then came a team lunch.

This super extroverted girl from my team was leaving, and our lead was trying to have some fun. He asked her to tell us what she honestly thought about everyone. She went around the table explaining everyone's quirks, and when it came to me, she just said that she never understood me. She said my energy was usually low, I wouldn't talk much, and then sometimes it would suddenly spike before going back down again.

Another guy, who only occasionally visited our office because he's friends with the lead, was there too. He straight up started making fun of me. He made a really sad, slow face, slowly raised his hand, and weakly said, "I'm here," in an effort to copy me.

After all I'd done to build myself up, to not be the quiet kid anymore, that felt like a knife in my heart.

I didn't even know how to respond. I just tried to smile even though I was trying to hold back tears.

The rest of the lunch was awful to sit through.

I (24 F) have been married to my husband (28 M) for several months. We have the best relationship when it's just the two of us. He's genuinely an amazing husband. He's loving, attentive and I know he adores me.

The problem is that I feel like whenever it's between me or anyone else he feels a duty towards, I'm always gonna be last.

And it's not one incident. I feel like it's the same thing every time.

Before we were married, we had a time every evening that was "our time." One day his female friend called to vent about her brother's marriage. He told me to wait. It turned into a 40 minute call while I waited and waited and felt like shit.

At our waleema, my family had just left and I was emotional. He left me on stage to go take photos with his friends. He did tell his mom and sister not to leave me alone, but at that point I had zero relationship with them and he knew it. The person I wanted was him.

More recently, we were expecting guests (his brother's friend and his family) to stay over for a night on very short notice (they lived 2 hours away in another city and had arrived from somewhere else late at night). We were both insanely busy, the house was a mess, and I only get two days off in a whole hectic week, which I normally use to reset, do some meal prepping, laundry, stuff to make the next week easier because my routine is insane. Then we found out even more relatives (his uncle and aunt, they were in the city for a wedding) wanted to stay the night too. We fought about it because, once again, it was another one of his responsibilities. We had to do grocery shopping and make extra food for 6 people and clean the 2 extra rooms and bathrooms on top of all other responsibilities. We only had a day or two of notice. To be fair, he helped a lot with cleaning while I did the cooking.

The thing is, he knows that now that we're married, the cost of these responsibilities is absorbed by both of us. In situations like this, if I'm overwhelmed, he's even offered to just do everything himself.

But that doesn't really factor in me wanting that time with him. Or the fact that I love him and would never want him to work himself to death.

Last night something similar happened again. We were in different cities and were supposed to spend time together in the evening, watch a show on discord. He was with guests and kept telling me they were leaving (they were his parents' guests, a whole family and he was entertaining the sons, but he has 2 other brothers who could've handled it but he felt responsible, being the oldest). I waited for over 40 minutes after that, hoping he'd be with me soon, by the time he returned, it was late and we couldn't watch it anymore as he had to be up early. I got upset and we had a fight. I ended up apologizing because I know I handled it badly.

He has a very strong sense of duty. He says saying no is never an option for him. It's an important part of his personality to be nice even when he has to do it at the expense of himself.

I believe him. I don't think he's choosing other people because he doesn't love me. I genuinely think he feels responsible for everyone.

But I also feel like our marriage is constantly absorbing the cost of that responsibility.

I don't want him to stop being kind. I don't want him to neglect his family. I also don't want him to work himself to death.

I just want to feel like protecting our time together and our relationship is one of those responsibilities too.

Am I expecting too much? Or is there a healthier way for us to navigate this?

One of those things where you never think it'll be you. Always a good student, straight A's. Got a job straight outta university. Final exam on Friday. Straight into work on Monday. Left the role 6 months in for something bigger and what I thought was better. 5 months into the new role, team lead says he's happy with my performance. Got called into HR on a random Tuesday. Laid off, last day today. Team mates shocked. Lead says he tried defending my performance.

Never felt so numb.