u/Just_Act7963

Scared and excited with so much dysmorphia im not sure what to do, everything feels weird, getting dressed so im going hard on building stuff and organizing my home to not think about it, til I have to, I dont like being a girl at all anymore (was supposed to go to mother son dance with my son but didnt know how to dress for that cuz i dont like looking like a girl anymore, and it tore me up inside im that confused!) Would he be embarassed if i dressed like me now? Idk. Hes 10...my partner i think likes me better like this, now i do too, then suddenly im gonna be a mother of 3?!

So im like lost inside. Torn up,.i get butterflies over both.....the pregnancy, and the gender dysmorphia. xcept suddenly im melting overr this sudden "have another baby" when it was the opposite of my life plans, what. I dont know what to do. Be a girl no, be a boy no, be a woman (sometimes) be a man (nah just me) what am I? Just a soul #superconfused

Prefer everything man over the woman stuff...

But then my 2 kids

And another?

My mother instinct was dormant the entire time.

Now its everything, I get 🦋 over it.

Suddenly becoming a real mama

But then don't wanna look like one.

Yo the point is I am a blob to me, an observant enrrgy blob self, and dont know how to be a person again and don't even like the pretty girl me, I cant, fathom it right now, to get pretty for my son's dance, how? What.

And it was so sad, that we didnt even go.

Anywhere else I rock the more masculine look but there? Im LOST. BEYOND WORDS....

I cant stop zoning so hard on my tools and all these skills im learning like obsessively focused on every [BIT] 🪛 of it. Got some concrete today and it blew my mind. That's where my mind is 23/7. Game changer after game changer after game changer! 🧰

Sovereign thought....

Intentional movement.

1/7 is the baby. Becoming a real mother. With a real instinct. Whoa. Life is too much to ponder

Just wanna know for sure if this baby is really growing inside me..... I cannot even

Tell?!

No positive tests but a faint line yesterday.

So

Trucking

Confused....

Also I am confused about a possible wedding

Am I supposed to be a pretty bride or wear a suit

Life is too confusing to ponder yonder anymore.
Just wander....