r/pregnantover35

Hello, looking for some support here as I am currently going through many different emotions.

I turn 39 tomorrow, I have 3 kids ages 5,6,7. I’ve always wanted a 4th but my husband didn’t. I just found out I’m pregnant with #4. He’s not happy about it given all the logistics, fears, concerns, worries, etc. I completely understand and agree with him but it happened and I can’t see myself taking some type of pill to stop pregnancy- not that he is asking me to do so.

I guess I’m just looking for support because I’m really scared of bringing another baby in this world although it’s what I always wanted. What if because of my age, comes complications with the baby and developmental or other types of medical issues. How am I going to do this. Please don’t judge here I’m just sharing my feelings because I don’t know where else to seek support in this. Anyone else here with 4 kids that can provide some support ?

Hey everyone, I just turned 37 and am 26w pregnant with my first baby, due in October. I am feeling really down and in my feelings lately, and I just wanted to see if anyone else in this age bracket has experienced something similar.

​I live in a city in California, but my family lives in another state. My friendships are deeply important to me, but they are scattered. My best friend since I was 14—who is truly like a sister to me—lives in an adjoining suburb. But she is single, doesn't have kids, and wants both. She hasn't said a word about a shower or a registry. I've been really hesitant to bring it up directly because I'm sensitive to the fact that this milestone might be tough for her to watch. Or it's possible she's simply in her own shit cuz she's a lot going on and doesn't realize it.

​To add another layer, she actually felt really hurt when my husband and I decided to do our tiny park wedding with just family, because she wanted to be there to experience it. My reaction back then was kind of like, "Well, do you want to pay for a big wedding?" But now here we are at the next big milestone, and the silence is deafening.

​The rest of my network is just as complicated. My other best friend (my cousin) is in Nevada, and another close friend is a flight away. Perhaps because of the geography and dynamic, nobody has brought up a baby shower or even asked about a registry. Or I'm not sure why they haven't.

​Originally, I thought I wouldn't have a shower because "I'm just not that person." But miraculously the wives of my husband's two best friends, who I've become close with as well, who are both 38 and 41, they live in New York City and they are both having showers. One grew up there and has a massive local network, and the other has an out-of-state friend traveling in to plan it. Seeing them celebrate made me realize that I really do want that experience too.

​But when I look at my situation, it feels hurtful that no one has stepped up. Even my mom said I "have" to have one, but when I asked who would throw it, she said she would if she weren't working. Except she is off in August (when the shower would be) and is using that time to visit my brother and his kids out of state instead.

​If I'm being honest, my invite list is very sparse. It’s a mix of a couple of local friends, a few people from a soccer team, a neighbor, and some grad school friends I haven't talked to in years. The rest are out of state or even international, people I'd love to invite just so they know I'm thinking of them, but who likely can't come.

​I know the standard advice on Reddit is going to be "just throw one for yourself!" but honestly, that feels embarrassing to me, and it's time and money I really don't want to spend. Plus, with such a sparse list, I don't even feel like I have that many people who would actually show up anyway. Throwing my own party is just not something I'm interested in doing. But then I go right back to feeling stuck, knowing that if I don't do it, I'm just not going to have a celebration at all.

​I am struggling because I don't feel like a friendless person. When I got married, we did a small park wedding, and my best friend from home actually surprised me by planning an amazing, intimate bachelorette party with just five of us. It was perfect. I know I have people who love me.

​But right now, I'm feeling really bad about myself, like I don't have a real community to come together for me or this baby. It hurts that no one has even asked about a registry.

​Has anyone else navigated the loneliness of a first pregnancy later in life when your network is long-distance or compartmentalized? How did you handle the desire for a shower when there isn't an obvious group to plan it, or when your closest local friend is in a totally different life stage?

Hi everyone! So I’m 40 and 19 weeks pregnant and I had my anatomy scan and it looked good! Baby girl is 65% percentile. I’ve had good results on NIPT and AFP.

The MFM made me a little uneasy because she was sort of encouraging an amnio based only on the fact that I’m 40. Every screening and scan has done great so I feel like…why take any additional risk? I wasn’t planning on it and am heavily leaning no but she made me question it. She said there’s still a 1-2% chance that there could be a genetic issue because I’m older and the risk of miscarriage from amnio is lower than genetic issue risk.

My best friend is also pregnant, six months older than me, also had all good scan results, and no one has encouraged this.

I’m not exactly sure what I’m looking for. I think I’d mostly like to hear from other 40+ women who were in similar situations (all good scans/screenings) and decided not to do it and feel good about that.

I am in NYC and we are having a heatwave that feels unbearable! We have multiple air conditioners on max 24/7 yet it is untenable against the oppressive heat. I’m either stuck in the bedroom where there’s and AC behind my head but beyond my elbows feels like I’m in a sauna!

Only relief was taking a cold bath last night with my toddler. He was having fun playing with water and it’s the most normal I’ve felt for the last two days. If this is what bedrest is like I am unprepared. At one point in my life I lived in the desert and thought I thrives in heat.. but not at 31 weeks!

I can’t even bring myself to get to a super cooled store. I was plan on going grocery shop just for central air but stepping away from my AC I go back to feeling miserable and useless.

Rant over. Though if anyone has good suggestions to get ahead of the problem I look forward to hearing suggestions or how others survived the summer in your third trimester (due 9/3).

I thought avoiding hot dogs was gonna be my biggest/hardest challenge of the summer!

For those of you were testing regularly, at what point in your cycle did you get a positive result. I have early detection tests that say they work up to 6 days before your missed period. How common is it to get a positive result 6 days beforehand?

Edit: got my very faint positive 11 days after ovulation. It was negative this morning but positive this evening. I don't even know what to think.

I received a positive test at home by 3 weeks 5 days, and got a blood work done from the doctor as of 4 weeks 4 days and the results look normal! I’m so excited and nervous at the same time. This will be my second baby and my first was born 9 years back. We want to tell family after 12 weeks or at least after the viability ultrasound at 8 weeks but I feel the time is running so slowly!!

How to maintain serenity/ remain composed for the next few weeks? On one side I’m worried about the possibilities of miscarriage and on the other side I’m telling myself my body is capable of this. I’m just worrying most of the time.

Omg pregnancy insomnia in this 3rd trimester is killing me? Anyone else? Heeeelllp what are we doing?

I’ve tried drinking magnesium, baths, magnesium cream, sleepy tea, tiger balm, unisom… I’m getting only 4-6 hours a night and falling apart

This is my third pregnancy and the worst first trimester Ive ever had.

My first baby I at least had food cravings that tasted good and would feel better after puking.

Second baby basically slept the whole first trimester

This baby I literally have to hobble around daily feeling as title says. Im achy, nauseous but cant puke, no food sounds good, eating doesnt make me feel better, not eating doesn't make me feel better, Im gassy, Im exhausted, I have 0 cravings whatsoever, even drinking water is not pleasant.

Im on week 9 and hoping to be free of this feeling a month from now. This is our last baby so thankfully, NEVER AGAIN. if you felt better from a rough 1st tri, what week did it happen? Send me hope - thanks a bunch

Going to start Ttc at 38.5 years old for our second child. Worried I am waiting too long. My son is 16 months. I go back to work mid August. Should I be starting sooner than later?

I have become unexpectedly pregnant at 37 years old. Please don’t give me the third degree about how babies are made. I know and accidents happen.

I don’t know how to navigate my feelings. I was at peace with my family being complete and very content with where I am in life right now.

I have always been pro choice however now I feel myself in this position I don’t know if I can go through with an abortion.

Any advice welcome from women in their late 30’s who have found themselves in my position?

Been with SO 3 months, on mini pill for 6 months. I've been feeling really sick and bloated last week and decided to do a pregnancy test, which came back positive. I tested four more times over four days, all positive.

Boyfriend is sweet, we have good chemistry and treats me with kindness but we still don't know each other that well. He has always been scared of unplanned pregnancy and every now and then checks that I take my BC on time (only contraception we use), which I do religiously. The only possible error I can think of was when we got really drunk and I threw up repeatedly the next day but it was three hours after taking the pill which is right on the border and the information I found said that it takes about 3 hours to get absorbed, so I assumed it wouldn't count as a missed pill. I was wondering if I should take plan B but I thought it is unnecessary. I am so angry with myself for not doing that. I am so scared, scared of ending the pregnancy, scared of continuing, scared of telling my boyfriend, scared of being tied to a man I barely know (I am also just out of a long term relationship and finally starting to enjoy living by myself). I don't even know how to break the news to him, he will be absolutely terrified and probably angry. I've been absolutely paralysed with anxiety since finding out 6 days ago. A small part of me is curious about this new chapter. Strangely, I am more scared of telling him and forcing the relationship to advance than the actual baby aspect. I was previously in a toxic relationship and all the bad stuff started happening after moving in and I am really not looking forward to living with a partner again.

Because I had so much pain my doctor referred me to do a scan. Up until the scan I was hoping it was ectopic or not developing, but today at the scan I found out I'm 5 weeks along, and the pregnancy is intrauterine and progressing normally.

Financially we are both stable and this would not destroy my life or my career. I've always wanted children but this is not how I want to start a family. I worry that I will regret either choice I make. I can't stop crying because I don't know what to do and how to tell him.

I had my 36 week growth scan today, and I noticed my baby's femur measured in the 5.7th percentile. At 28 weeks it was in the 10.7th percentile, and at 20 weeks it was in the 17.1st percentile. The femur has continued to grow, but the percentile has gradually decreased. The baby overall is measuring in the 54th percentile, and everything else is measuring average or above average.

My OB has never mentioned anything about the femur, and today I only saw the ultrasound tech, so I have to wait for my OB to follow up with me. I'm a nervous wreck in the meantime. Has anyone else experienced an isolated small femur with everything else measuring normally? If so, how did things turn out?

36 and found I was pregnant yesterday. I have had 2 miscarriages 5yrs ago 6 weeks and 9 weeks. The pain was unbearable and I was going to accept another route maybe fostering or adoption due to my age. I feel blessed and absolutely terrified.

I’m currently 5weeks 2days, I live 400 miles away from family and I only have a couple friends 🫂 I will find comfort in your stories 💜

positive energy and prayers welcome 🥹 thank you much 🫂💜💜!!!

25 WEEKS pregnant! I am low key freaking out because yesterday I got results I am boarderline anemic, now I have BV- they gave me medications. Has anyone gone through this and had successful babies? I see things online for pre-term etc which is just making me sick to my stomach. Send me your stories! Thanks so much

Hello,

I'm 40 years old. I had a miscarriage with a D&C three weeks ago at 10 weeks.

I still haven't had my period, and my HCG level was 97 last week.

I'd like to try again, but I'd like to know if any of you have managed to conceive after a D&C without a period returning, and close to 10 weeks of miscarriage.

I've read some accounts, but they were about earlier miscarriages than mine and younger women.

Thank you.

38, first pregnancy, waiting to tell family until after NIPT. At my initial OB consult, my doc said week 9, but I’m learning that’s the earliest as there may not be enough genetic matter to give a result. For this reason, they suggest 10 weeks. We have an opportunity to see family about 7 days after that mark and it’d be perfect to share our news then. Wondering if you did NIPT at 9 or 10 and how quickly you got your results back? Ty for your time and love to you all

Hey y’all. I just had my first scan at 8 weeks and all was great Thank God. Baby measured perfect and heartbeat was 170! The nurse did tell me i will need baby aspirin from week 12-16 due to my Age. Did it happen to anyone? Thanks.

I am approximately 7 weeks pregnant with my first pregnancy. The problem is I just finished a PhD and am unemployed in a country where I am not yet fluent in the language yet. My husband has pulled out $70k (most of it was for taking care of us financially) for our wedding and for me to be able to finish the PhD. Although I have been living here for the past two years, I won’t receive the normal benefits of someone who has worked here. For example, people receive between 65-80% of their monthly paycheck for parental leave, but since I haven't worked here, I will only receive the base of €300 per month for up to a year. On top of this, we will receive €250 per month from the government until the child reaches 18 or finishes college, as long as they live with us and we’re in the country.

I’m still looking for a job, but the fact that my language skills are not up to a business level has made it extremely difficult. Being pregnant will make it that much harder, as pregnant women get extremely good legal protections here. I’ve applied to over 200 jobs and have only received 4 interviews. In addition, our parents are back in the U.S., so we will not have free help whenever we want. However, I know that my mom would come for 3 months at a time (the length of her tourist visa) to help whenever she could.

My husband is convinced we will need to move back home for help and that he will have to quit his postdoc work, which could otherwise lead him to a professorship. I disagree and think that our child should at least first get the right to German citizenship, and that we could live off of very little if we optimized our budget. I am not willing to move back home, as this environment is ideal for raising a child: it is safe, there’s plenty of social support, and life is built with children in mind. Our child would have everything they need growing up, including free education. If I can’t find a job, staying might be harder, but I think my husband will eventually see the benefits of staying; right now, I feel his stance is just a panic response to get me to abort. I also have about $100k of student debt back home that I have been unable to pay. Moving back home would not be ideal.

My husband is naturally responding to the fear and the fact that he has already graciously taken care of us for the last two years while I finished school. While I understand this, I don’t know how easy it will be to get pregnant again since I have PCOS and thought I couldn’t get pregnant at all. I believe that these financial difficulties are just temporary. I’m still looking for a job and am sure I will eventually find one.

Did you have trouble getting your husband on board? How did you get him to see that the hardship was temporary but the abortion could be permanent to you? I understand his worries and am not minimizing them, but I do see that letting go of this choice could have permanent consequences. I really want to be a mother. I feel selfish asking for this though given how much my husband has given up of his own savings (that he made prior to knowing me). Since getting pregnant, I have had worries about my own career, but I have mostly been happy and grateful that my body can do this except for when thinking about abortion. I do not want an abortion but also want my husband to be on board without backing him into a corner.