u/Just_Transportation4

I was abused all my life growing up with a sadistic mother and a dad that refused reality beyond belief past insanity and a sister that got everything. I tried to be independent but was sabotaged all the way. My dad put all these negative ideas and lies into my therapists all crying about how terrible I am and now I can’t even seek therapy support. I ended up with a therapist with borderline personality disorder. She kept claiming that I was power seeking and it sounded completely insane but I tried to see where the fick she was coming from and I was completely abused. Now I’m an old man at 32. No college. No friends. No job. Losing my memory. Disabled from all the severe abuse. Alone in a tiny room. My parents are all happy living their lives traveling and raising my sisters child and getting to live the life that they never got to live in a third world country while I rot away in the bedroom shed in the backyard and they don’t even let me go to the grocery store with them or anything. And I tried to reach out to some people that might be able to help me but I have an abusive friend that knows my parents and told the other friend group some of my personal details and he’ll probably just lie to those people and I won’t even have those friends to be around. A lot of them don’t even like me but it’s better than being completely isolated alone. I feel like I’m losing my memory from all the trauma from my parents, the mental health system, and my friends. My parents completely control everything and treat as subhuman. This friend treats as less than human yelling and throwing things at me. They’ve all lied to my mental health people and I’m scared to go back because they treat me like I’m a monster, a liar, won’t treat me seriously, etc. I’m extremely hypersensitive. I don’t know what to do.

I’m 32. I’m losing my memory in my room living with my narcissistic mother. My dad is living the childhood he always wanted sacrificing my sanity. I’m a prisoner. I’m scared to think. I still feel her salvia on me sometimes.

I guess I’m just looking for words of empathy. I grew up in abusive household with narcissistic parents and have severe ptsd to the point that I’m losing my memory. I literally have no one that I can trust. I brought my dad into a psychiatric appointment like 5 or more years ago. My mother was the main abuser but my dad was very passive. I brought him in to explain everything and my dad started venting about what a terrible son I am. He started saying all these terrible things to make me look like a monster. And then cried in my arms when I we were going to the car expecting me to comfort HIM. I ended up with a crazy therapist who psychologically abused me for years and diagnosed me with a cluster b personality disorder. The very last phone call we had, she admitted that I didn’t have a personality disorder and scolded her. She had nothing to say. I looked up her Pinterest profile and found stuff about bpd. She was projecting everything onto me. It stayed in my records when I tried going to a new therapist and was treated like garbage. In a moment of justified anger I threatened to sue her. I wasn’t let back into the psychiatrist office anymore and was sent a letter that any further communication could be used to defend a court case. I wasn’t going to sue. I can’t even work. I can’t even think. I’ve been trapped in my room for years. My dad refuses to even take me to the grocery store to be around other humans. I’ve been stuck in limbo for years and have nobody. I’ve broken all my walls. I’m a complete prisoner. I don’t want to think about the past, present, or future. The only person that I talk to sometimes is a complete narcissistic friend that treats me like trash. I have no one to talk to. I lost the will to even post on Reddit. I’m completely lost.

I’m panicking. Can I have some words of encouragement and love?