u/Kalantopaido

I’m almost 35. I have a good job, a few close friends, and honestly, I’m not missing anything obvious. My physical health is good and I’m financially okay. But mentally… not so much.

My days off are the worst days for me, because I feel like I can’t focus on anything enough to enjoy it. I feel anxious when I’m not working. There’s this brain fog, almost like a lack of serotonin.

I think philosophically a lot. I used to believe in Christ, but I stopped believing because I started to understand how people and societies work. Still, there are times when I pray when I feel intense sadness at night, almost as if something inside me wishes that Christ is real.

I feel anxious about the people close to me. They are getting older. I feel anxious that I’ll be left behind. Other people are starting families and having children, while I still haven’t found a girlfriend. I had a relationship, but I ended it.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve fallen behind in life. Like I’m still 20 years old, wanting my interests to be movies, video games, and anime, but it’s not really like that anymore. Either I’ve gotten bored of them, or even when I haven’t, I can’t enjoy them because something inside me says: “You’re almost 35 and you’re living like you’re 20. You don’t have a girlfriend, while other people around you are raising children.”

Then I get this sudden harsh feeling of being forced back into reality. I feel like time is running out and that I’ll end up alone.

On top of all this, I also struggle with other thoughts, like why we exist, whether God exists, whether we are living in a simulation, whether only I exist as a conscious being, or whether other people also have a separate consciousness like I do. Basically, solipsism.

And what if consciousness continues after death and it’s something bad?

Yes, I’m in therapy with a psychologist, but I don’t know. I’m just tired.

I’m almost 35. I have a good job, a few close friends, and honestly, I’m not missing anything obvious. My physical health is good and I’m financially okay. But mentally… not so much.

My days off are the worst days for me, because I feel like I can’t focus on anything enough to enjoy it. I feel anxious when I’m not working. There’s this brain fog, almost like a lack of serotonin.

I think philosophically a lot. I used to believe in Christ, but I stopped believing because I started to understand how people and societies work. Still, there are times when I pray when I feel intense sadness at night, almost as if something inside me wishes that Christ is real.

I feel anxious about the people close to me. They are getting older. I feel anxious that I’ll be left behind. Other people are starting families and having children, while I still haven’t found a girlfriend. I had a relationship, but I ended it.

Sometimes I feel like I’ve fallen behind in life. Like I’m still 20 years old, wanting my interests to be movies, video games, and anime, but it’s not really like that anymore. Either I’ve gotten bored of them, or even when I haven’t, I can’t enjoy them because something inside me says: “You’re almost 35 and you’re living like you’re 20. You don’t have a girlfriend, while other people around you are raising children.”

Then I get this sudden harsh feeling of being forced back into reality. I feel like time is running out and that I’ll end up alone.

On top of all this, I also struggle with other thoughts, like why we exist, whether God exists, whether we are living in a simulation, whether only I exist as a conscious being, or whether other people also have a separate consciousness like I do. Basically, solipsism.

And what if consciousness continues after death and it’s something bad?

Yes, I’m in therapy with a psychologist, but I don’t know. I’m just tired.

Κοντεύω τα 35. Έχω μια καλή δουλειά, φίλους λίγους και καλούς. Δεν μου λείπει κατι. Έχω την σωματική υγεία και οικονομικά είμια καλά ΑΛΛΑ.... τα μυαλά δεν καλά τόσο.

Τα ρεπό μου είναι οι χειρότερες μέρες καθώς νιώθω ότι δεν μπορώ να εστιάσω σε κάτι για να απολαύσω. Νιώθω ένα άγχος όταν ΔΕΝ δουλεύω. μια θολούρα στο μυαλό λόγω έλλειψες σεροτονίνης.

Φιλοσοφώ αρκετά. Πίστευα στον Χριστό αλλά έπαψα να πιστεύω γιατί άρχισα να καταλαβαίνω πως λειτουργούν οι άνθρωποι και οι κοινωνίες. Υπάρχουν φορές που προσεύχομαι όταν νιώθω έντονη θλίψη το βραδυ ισα ίσα λες και κάτι μέσα μου εύχεται να είναι αλήθεια ο Χριστός.

Αισθάνομαι άγχος για τα κοντινά μου πρόσωπα. Που γερνάνε. Αισθάνομαι άγχος ότι θα μείνω πίσω. Οι άλλοι κάνουν οικογένεια και παιδιά και εγώ ακόμη δεν έχω βρει κοπέλα. Είχα σχέση αλλά την τελείωσα.

Μερικές φορές αισθάνομαι σαν να έχω μείνει πίσω. Σαν να είμαι πάλι 20 χρονών σαν να θέλω τα ενδιαφέροντα μου να είναι ταινίες και βιντεογκεημς και άνιμε αλλά δεν είναι έτσι. Τα έχω βαρεθεί ή αν δεν τα έχω βαρεθεί δεν μπορώ να το απολαύσω γιατί μεσα μου κάτι μου λέει "κοντεύεις τα 35 και ζεις σαν να είσαι 20. Δεν έχεις κοπέλα, άλλοι γύρω σου μεγαλώνουν παιδιά"

Τότε με πιάνει μια απότομη προσγείωση στην πραγματικότητα. Νιώθω ότι μου τελειώνει ο χρόνος και θα καταλήξω μόνος. Τώρα πέρα από αυτά, έχω και άλλα που με αποσχολούν όπως γιατί υπάρχουμε, αν υπάρχει Θεός, είμαστε σε προσομοίωση? υπάρχω μόνο εγώ ως συνείδηση ή και εσεις έχετε ξεχωριστη συνείδηση σαν εμένα? (σολιψισμός)

Και αν η συνείδηση υπάρχει μετά τον θάνατο και είναι κάτι άσχημο? Ναι, κάνω θεραπεία με ψυχολόγο αλλά δεν ξέρω. Απλά κουράστηκα.