u/Kaleidoscope3871

Back when I was a teenager, I could solve complex calculus problems in lesser time than my peers. Or understand things really quickly. Actually be eager to solve something, learn something.

Now I am in uni. It feels like my brain has became slower than before. I take time to process things. Also I dont feel the “eager to solve” feeling anymore. I feel “lazy” somehow. I look for shortcuts or look to avoid solving any kind of problem (not just academics). I look forward to get away from something rather than use my brain.

Neither do I feel any motivation to work for my ambitions, my future. I literally do not care. It should stress me out but it doesn’t.

Its true that life has gotten more stressful since the teenage phase. But it will always be stressful and I really wanna adapt. I might be burnt out. So its a good thing that its summer break right now. But still I feel no desire to work on my goals, use my brain, etc. What do I do.

I am overweight and I have been procrastinating to join a gym simply because of anxiety. I am pretty introverted and heavily socially anxious in public. I finally decided to take the big step and just join.

Tomorrow is my first day. I couldn’t afford a personal trainer so I don’t have anyone to tell me exactly what to do. All those machines are so intimidating and I have no idea what to do initially, how to do it, how to use dumbbells, when to start using weights, etc. I am scared I will probably just end up using treadmills and cycles and be too scared to do anything else. They did say that floor trainers will guide me. But do I go up to them or will they come up to me. What do I even ask. And there’s so many people goshh.

I feel super nervous. Please give me some guidance for my first day!

I am overweight and I finally joined a gym. I have been feeling super anxious about it. I am already an introvert and very very socially anxious in public.

I feel nervous. I feel like I will be so anxious that I won’t use anything except treadmill. All those machines are so intimidating. And there’s so many people gosh.

Unfortunately I am a student and can’t really afford a personal trainer so I don’t have the guidance on what exactly to do. They did say that floor trainers guide everyone but still I am so anxious. What do I even do. Should I go start my workout/warmup directly or should I first go to the trainer and ask for guidance. How would I learn to use dumbells or barbells. What if I try to use a machine and I make a fool of myself. How will I know what workout is good for me and what is not needed.

I don’t have any idea on what exactly to do in gyms. Those of you who have experience, please share your guidance!

I am specifically looking for a MMC like Ryan Shay. I cant get over him. He’s the best MMC of sports romance for me.

I am looking for a sports romance book with similar MMC. What I liked about Ryan shay:

1. He wasn’t a cold, egoistic playboy. He was grumpy but because of his own issues. There was absolutely no ego for being one of the best basketball players, or being able to attract a number of women. He was a good guy, caring and empathetic underneath that tough exterior.
2. The quiet thoughtful actions even before they were together ❤️ Man was pining throughout the book. He loved Indy and even when she had no idea about it, he continued to pine, show love quietly, get possessive over her, etc.

I am looking for that exact vibe. MMC pining, yearning for her and showing it through thoughtful little things, nurturing her, being dominating in a caring way.

I love sports romances but I am tired of MMCs being arrogant womanizers. I don’t care if they change themselves after they meet the FMC. The fact that Ryan Shay was already an overall good person and had no misogynistic tendencies was so refreshing and nice. There was no NLOG stuff either.

Soo please recommend moree sports books like this!

Ok so first of all, I picked this book up years ago and I remember DNFing it before like 50%. I remember the FMC putting down other women for loving popular guys which I didn’t like. And I don’t remember any scenes but I specifically remember that Garrett knew that a girl like Hannah couldn’t get a guy like Justin. But still he sort of manipulated her into thinking she had a chance so she will tutor him. Which just hurt my ego lol and I already hated him. The whole “you need status to date him and I am the status” thing was too arrogant for my liking.

But the series seems hot. I love the joy of watching a live action of books I have read. So I thought I would read it again and boyy this book is making me feel TRIGGERED. I kinda skimmed through pages and also read negative reviews of the book. And there’s just too much misogyny. Both from FMC and MMC. But this one sentence triggered me so bad: >!“I live with three hockey players, Wellsy. Who, by the way, still aren’t
home from a night of partying. I’m not saying it’ll happen, but there’s a
chance one of them might stumble into the living room drunk off their asses
and grope you or something if they find you on the couch. I, on the other
hand, have no interest in groping you.” I gesture to my massive bed. “This
thing can sleep seven. You won’t even know I’m here.”!<

Grope??😬😭 I am not sure if that word had a different meaning back then, but even if it did, the whole narrative around it is still so uncomfortable. This idea that “boys get drunk and just can’t control what they touch” is genuinely creepy and SA-y. Why is it treated like a normal thing in this book. And how ironic is it that the main female lead is a rape victim. I think the whole book has this “boys will be boys” vibe. Early in the book, when Kendall was waiting on Garrett’s bed in lingerie, his inner monologue was like oh well, he’s a guy after all, he can’t control himself, blah blah.

Anyway I am sticking to just watching the series for all the feels.

Ok so first of all, I picked this book up years ago and I remember DNFing it before like 50%. I remember the FMC putting down other women for loving popular guys which I didn’t like. And I don’t remember any scenes but I specifically remember that Garrett knew that a girl like Hannah couldn’t get a guy like Justin. But still he sort of manipulated her into thinking she had a chance so she will tutor him. Which just hurt my ego lol and I already hated him. The whole “you need status to date him and I am the status” thing was too arrogant for my liking.

But the series seems hot. I love the joy of watching a live action of books I have read. So I thought I would read it again and boyy this book is making me feel TRIGGERED. I kinda skimmed through pages and also read negative reviews of the book. And there’s just too much misogyny. Both from FMC and MMC. But this one sentence triggered me so bad: >!“I live with three hockey players, Wellsy. Who, by the way, still aren’t
home from a night of partying. I’m not saying it’ll happen, but there’s a
chance one of them might stumble into the living room drunk off their asses
and grope you or something if they find you on the couch. I, on the other
hand, have no interest in groping you.” I gesture to my massive bed. “This
thing can sleep seven. You won’t even know I’m here.”!<

Grope??😬😭 I am not sure if that word had a different meaning back then, but even if it did, the whole narrative around it is still so uncomfortable. This idea that “boys get drunk and just can’t control what they touch” is genuinely creepy and SA-y. Why is it treated like a normal thing in this book. And how ironic is it that the main female lead is a rape victim. I think the whole book has this “boys will be boys” vibe. Early in the book, when Kendall was waiting on Garrett’s bed in lingerie, his inner monologue was like oh well, he’s a guy after all, he can’t control himself, blah blah.

Anyway I am sticking to just watching the series for all the feels.

I am starting to feel like a happy long term marriage is a myth. Especially because of patriarchy, almost every other marriage I observe involves an overburdened woman who takes care of everything 24*7 while her husband just ‘helps out’ sometimes. It’s like, I have developed this lens of awareness and now I can’t unsee it. At family gatherings, stories online, friendships, everywhere I see the same pattern.

Many husbands (including my dad) don’t really enjoy with their wives. Once their job is done, they like to engage in hobbies or hang out with their friends. Wives dont like spending time with their husbands either but they have certain responsibilities to finish before they can even think of hanging out with their friends. Even some independent, working women I know finish their jobs and go home to start this another job of maintaining household, kids.

Many women claim they are happy but then I see them overburdened with work. Their husbands say that housewives have a comfortable life as they have maids for everything. Their husbands participate in disrespectful sexist jokes at which wives also laugh. Women justify all this by saying “every relationship has obstacles.”, “those are just jokes.”, “he at least tries to help me.” etc.

And alright maybee they are truly happy. They are okay with their situation. But I cannot truly imagine myself in their situation and be happy.

For me a basic “good” marriage is when:

1. It involves equal sharing of both mental and emotional load.
2. No disrespectful jokes towards your wife(or your husband). Respecting each other’s opinions, wants, needs.
3. Standing up for your spouse if your friends and family disrespect them.

But all these are just duties. I think a happy marriage is when your spouse is like your best friend, your support system. Marriage is not boring. Physical intimacy is still alive. You are actually EXCITED to hang out with your spouse all the time and don’t need to run to your friends for comfort. This is what feels rare in all marriages around me. A true friendship and love between partners. I only see duty-based marriages.

For those of you who are truly happy and at peace in their marriage, what does your marriage really look like?

I often see this whole culture in men. They act like married men/committed men have two sides. On one side they are really loving towards their wives and kids. On the other side they have these manly secrets that they hide from their partners. Like having lustful desires. These things are something their wives dont understand. Only their “bros” do. And every guy has these needs no matter how much of a saint he is in front of his girlfriend/wife. Men often have a good laugh about it when they sit together. Once I was sitting with such a group of men and one of them said something like this. It disgusted me to the core. Other guy was like “you should only say those things when girls aren’t around.” So it’s okay among them.

It’s funny in movies to see a husband hiding porn and his masturbation techniques from his wife. It’s a joke when the wife catches him red handed and then fights with him. Men laugh at these jokes as if they find it highly relatable. I have heard them say, “it’s a man to man thing”.

Movies like great grand masti, pati patni aur woh, kis kis ko pyaar du, etc. There’s even subtle jokes in movies which are not even related to this topic. For example I remember watching Loveyapa’s trailer in a theatre. They basically exchange their phones. She finds porn in his browser history and is like “you are such a saint in front of me and you do this online.” To which he responds with “I do all this, that’s why I behave like a saint in front of you.” The joke ICKED ME. Its OKAY to watch porn in a relationship for both genders, but do movies really need to potray it this way?! Showing it like an inevitable need of man and thats how just men are and women should accept it. Bruh. These movies shape young men’s narratives and it leads to a culture like this.

It’s not just limited to lustful desires. They just generally act like the male partner and his friends are in one team while the female partner is in another. When a girlfriend is clearly mad at her boyfriend, these bros are like “ohh bro is in trouble. “ and laugh. They treat these women like inconveniences to the mans life rather than actually respecting her complaints and needs.

Recently I am realising its not just a joke. I see so many posts of married women whose husbands are addicted to porn. Or just generally watch porn and it bothers them. All the men in the comments are like “oh just accept it, every guy is like that.” Dude, I watch porn too and I would not have a problem if my future partner does (as long as hes not addicted and not hiding anything from me). But are these men really valuing “men’s needs” above their real, loving wives. And okay, maybe the wives are the ones insecure. But I see the way men get so DEFENSIVE over this. Like they have to protect their rights to being lustful anyhow. Thats problematic.

Sigh. Like if I have a husband, I want no secrets. No secrets about fantasies, etc. And I don’t want him to act like he has this dual life. Only I want to know his deepest secrets, not his friends. Not just the lustful thing but others too. Men act like their boys are very chill while girlfriends are demanding and a lot of work. They like being with them more and hate their partners. Even if they do enjoy with their wives, they participate in the humor. Even if they do love their wives, they are still gonna participate in that sick, disgusting, disrespectful jokes to fit in with the man culture. The “wife bad” jokes included. I am baffled at how common this is among men. I find it very disrespectful.

I get that this is a very specific issue. It’s coming out from a place of personal frustration. I see this in my parents marriage as well as my friends’ relationships. And generally overhearing groups of men. Disgusting. Disrespectful. It’s too common around me to ignore it. I hate it.

It feels like every marriage is patriarchal and even if the couple is happily married, it’s because the wife allows some level of patriarchy and makes sacrifices. For example, carrying the mental load, letting husband crack those “wife bad” jokes, adjusting according to inlaws, etc. Husbands make jokes like man suffers in marriage, women are controlling and moody and nagging, what not. When in reality, the “nagging” is basically the woman fighting for their relationship.

I dont know a single family where the man shares the mental load. They always need to be asked to do chores. Even after asking, they will procrastinate. When they finally get to it, they will always need the woman’s help. (Ex: where is this? Where is that? How to do it?) This causes women to be on high alert 24\*7. They can never turn off their brains for like an hour unless it’s very late night or early morning. And they are rarely taken care of. Men work hard too, but at the end of the day they can relax their minds and get taken care of. Once off-work, they can hang out with their friends, focus on hobbies, etc. I have never seen a husband serve for his wife the way all women do.

Then, I feel like no matter how progressive a family is, there are still rigid expectations from a DIL. Even if they live separately from in-laws. And men do call out their parents but only when the issue is really huge and visible to them. There’s so many minor, invisible forms of disrespect, control, abuse that men just ignore and ask you to adjust. Every second or third married woman probably has a story of her in-laws being overbearing, especially during postpartum, and how she had to adjust and forgive.

And overall, I feel like husbands tend to think their wives are not as capable and intellectual. For example, They wont listen to some advice from the wife, but if the SAME advice is given to them from another man, they instantly take it!

And I am NOT a hater. I get that not all men are evil and not all women are saints. What I am trying to say is, it doesn’t even matter if they are “good” or “bad”. A good-natured, hard working man can still be oblivious to these things. Whats important is to unlearn these things, which many men never do.

A happy, equal marriage is where

1. Both partners equally share the physical AND mental load

2. Caring is not one sided, both take care of each other

3. Takes stands for their partners against family, friends, etc.

4. Proper communication. Focusing on really listening and understanding where the other person is coming from.

5. Respect each other as equal partners. Not think of them as inferior, or extension of themselves

I wanna know if such healthy marriages exist in this generation. I feel very lonely in my experience. No one seems to align with me on these views.

I (20F) have always had a desire to be in love and be loved back. But lately its just too strong. I wanna cry in someone’s arms and have them hold me throughout, be taken care of, cuddled. I wanna complain about everything and just have someone listen to me without dismissal. I just wanna feel like I am loved and I have someone by my side whose top priority is me.

Day and night I am just worried about if I will ever find a man I want. I am deeply sensitive. Small things hurt me too much. I hate it. It makes me deeply empathetic and caring but even that feels like a burden because I feel like the way I care about people isn’t always received back. I need someone who will be a good listener, wouldn’t dismiss my feelings, reassure me, hold me. I feel so lonely in my experience I really fear never finding love. Because when I see my parents marriage, and the way guys are emotionally closed off and dismissive and stuff, the subconscious patriarchy they hold, I feel hopeless. I know this is not the time to think about love and I should focus on personal growth and career. But I cannot ignore this despite wanting to.

I am very lonely. I have trouble connecting with people. This makes me desire a relationship even more. I don’t even crave the adrenaline rush or having a crush and intense attraction. I just wanna feel understood, wanted, taken care of. I have tried socialising to be less lonely but it just makes things harder. It feels like I am performing more than enjoying. Which makes it draining.

I have always been lonely. I have always been the more emotionally available one, more sensitive, more invested, in any kind of relationship. I just want someone to care for me like that for once.

This makes me cry so much nowadays. I am also PMSing so it’s worse tonight. I want intimacy. I crave it so much. I cant stop wanting it.