u/KateCSays

I posted this in r/abortion and reddit suggested I repost here. Some good news this week in my home state of MA. A law I'm deeply involved in:

In 2012, I had an abortion after my daughter, Laurel, was diagnosed with brain anomalies. I was 35 weeks pregnant at the time of her diagnosis. I lived in Boston, and was SHOCKED when my medical team told me that they MIGHT Be able to offer abortion, but they just didn't know. And then shocked again when the referral they found me was 2000 miles, two time zones away.

For the last 14 years, I've been chipping away at a culture that seems to refuse to understand, supporting women like you all here who are navigating tough pregnancy situations, supporting your own deepest wisdom. And, too, I've been pushing for more freedom for us to make our choices at home, more affordably, more dignified, and better supported by our communities.

I just wanted to share that on Monday, my governor signed a law lifting all dates-based limits off of abortion in Massachusetts. I was invited to the signing. It was incredibly moving.

A lot of people do not understand this law. They say all sorts of inflammatory things about it. But the Governor looked right at me and said: we're doing this for your family. And I know she's right, because I've been telling my story to the point of exhaustion over and over for 14 years to try to get law-makers to understand -- and enough of them finally do here at home. I believe the law takes effect 90 days after it was signed on mon. After that, we still have to help hospitals and doctors and nurses understand why this care is important, as legality is the first step to access, not the last. That is work I'm more than willing to continue.

My abortion was the least-awful (but still awful) resolution I could find to my crisis. It was both my salvation and a tragedy. I just want to shine a light 14 years down the road and say, not only am I secure enough in my decision to be ok with all the bullshit people are spewing at me today, but I'm also proud and happy and powerful BECAUSE of my abortion.

I know it can feel dark in those early times (early years, for me!) There is life, rich and full, on the other side.

In 2012, we found out that my baby Laurel had dandy walker malformation and agenesis of the corpus collosum. I was 35 weeks pregnant. Even though I lived in Boston, center of medicine in a blue stronghold state, I still had to travel 2000 miles for my healthcare. It added shame, trauma, fear, and great expense to an already terrible crisis.

I just want to share with everyone here that Kate Dineen (another TFMR mom) and I, along with several moms from Empty Arms and EWP, have ultimately been successful in our efforts to expand healthcare in our home state of Massachusetts. Gov. Healy signed a law on Monday that lifts dates-based restrictions off of abortion care in this state.

Legality is the BEGINNING, not the end of the fight for access. But we will get there. It's a good day.

I want you all to know that, even on days it feels like the world is against us, there are women and families and leaders fighting for us to protect our safety and dignity. The politics fucking suck, and I wanted to share this here because I know I would have been triggered into major dissocaition in my early days if I tried to read the news about this.

So please hear it from someone who deeply gets it and holds you at the heart of this change in the political realm.

We all deserve to be held gently in community and not have to worry about legalese and politics. One step closer to that in MA.

In 2012, I had an abortion after my daughter, Laurel, was diagnosed with brain anomalies. I was 35 weeks pregnant at the time of her diagnosis. I lived in Boston, and was SHOCKED when my medical team told me that they MIGHT Be able to offer abortion, but they just didn't know. And then shocked again when the referral they found me was 2000 miles, two time zones away.

For the last 14 years, I've been chipping away at a culture that seems to refuse to understand, supporting women like you all here who are navigating tough pregnancy situations, supporting your own deepest wisdom. And, too, I've been pushing for more freedom for us to make our choices at home, more affordably, more dignified, and better supported by our communities.

I just wanted to share that on Monday, my governor signed a law lifting all dates-based limits off of abortion in Massachusetts. I was invited to the signing. It was incredibly moving.

A lot of people do not understand this law. They say all sorts of inflammatory things about it. But the Governor looked right at me and said: we're doing this for your family. And I know she's right, because I've been telling my story to the point of exhaustion over and over for 14 years to try to get law-makers to understand -- and enough of them finally do here at home. I believe the law takes effect 90 days after it was signed on mon. After that, we still have to help hospitals and doctors and nurses understand why this care is important, as legality is the first step to access, not the last. That is work I'm more than willing to continue.

My abortion was the least-awful (but still awful) resolution I could find to my crisis. It was both my salvation and a tragedy. I just want to shine a light 14 years down the road and say, not only am I secure enough in my decision to be ok with all the bullshit people are spewing at me today, but I'm also proud and happy and powerful BECAUSE of my abortion.

I know it can feel dark in those early times (early years, for me!) There is life, rich and full, on the other side.

Edited to update: I ended up taking her to the emergency vet yesterday. This is fluid buildup from congestive heart failure. We put her on diuretics to try to limp her through the next few weeks so that the whole family can be together. At that point, we will have to have the conversation about euthanasia, but I will feel better about it if we all get to say goodbye. For now, she is still affectionate and seems comfortable, so quality of life looks ok today. We will take it day by day.

****

My cat, Lily, is absolutely the best cat I've ever met in a lifetime full of having and loving cats. But the girl is 21, and has got to be coming up on that ninth life. I am home alone with her while my family is on a trip, so I have to navigate these decisions on my own.

I am going away on business for three days this week. My parents are sitting for her (live-in). But obviously it would be non-optimal for her to die or deteriorate dramatically on their watch.

I'm looking for some broad strokes to help me assess my next steps.

This cat has A LOT going on and we've viewed her as a palliative case since the age of 18, but she recovered.

Lately, her stomach has grown really big and round like a ball and is clearly distended, and her appetite seems to be INCREASING. She has also started seeking human food, which is really weird because she's a cat, not a dog. And because I'm not used to guarding human food, she got into a bunch of macaroni and cheese as well as a big wad of salami this week before I got wise to the thievery. That's a lot of wheat and salt for a cat.

She still seems happy, still wants to be right at my side all the time. Pooping like usual (every day at least once, a bit dry) and peeing a ton (fortunately in her box).

But that stomach just keeps blowing up like a balloon.

What do you think this means and do you think she is likely to die on my parents in the next few days?

I have been watching for things like DECREASE in appetite, or increase in vomitting, or becoming more reclusive, or increase on feline grimace (she's got a moderate grimmace going on, but it's pretty consistent). But I really didn't account for all of a sudden she starts being so hungry she wants my human food and her stomach is blowing up like a balloon.

Please be real with me. I love and adore this cat, and because I love and adore her, I don't want her to suffer or die alone in a strange house.

More health background for Lily the Cat:

• 5.5 lbs down from a lifetime around 6.5 lbs.
• Kidney issues for years, since getting sprayed by a skunk
• Mass on her stomach for a couple years, but we didn't do a lot of inquiry because of her age and stage
• Mass on her chin that's getting bigger
• Had some collapsing events which her vet suspects were heart attacks
• Arthritis (she's walking really low on her wrists these days). She will put a paw on my lap to be lifted up so she doesn't have to jump, but she CAN jump, and still does to drink human cups of water, which she prefers to her own water.
• Total hearing loss from a perpetual ear infection that we just can't seem to beat because of all the growths in her ear canal.
• Cataracts, but she can still see well enough to catch spiders.
• Trouble grooming (I help, but sometimes I have to buzz out the dreads)
• Her appetite is voracious and she poops every day. Sometimes gets dags. (AKA dingleberries)
• Her attitude is just as sweet and companionable as ever. She purrs a lot.