r/prochoice

I am very decidedly childfree (F37, USA). I’ve known my whole life I do not want to be a mother. A few years ago, I tried to get sterilized, and although I did find a willing doctor my insurance deemed it “not medically necessary” and it would have cost me way more than I could afford. I stayed on the hormonal birth control I’d been on for about 20 years for a while longer, and then six months ago changed to a copper IUD (in an effort to get away from hormones).

A week ago, I realized I hadn’t had a period for a while. I felt normal but just in case, did a pregnancy test. Sure enough… immediately positive. Took a second one… same result. Damn. So I called my regular OBGYN and told them that I want both of these things out of me. It’s worth mentioning I’m in a “blue” state, and that with a copper IUD the chance of an etopic pregnancy that could, you know, *kill* me is very high. They wouldn’t agree to see me for three weeks to take out the IUD because it could “hurt the baby at this time.” I was and still am blown away they wouldn’t agree to even see me to see if I had a life-threatening concern. I went from being a patient to an incubator only, and frankly they were very rude and judgmental to me on the phone.

I went ahead and called Planned Parenthood and they agreed to see me the next day, and they took care of both concerns for me with a great deal of compassion and kindness. I honestly can’t say enough good things about them. There was no judgement or questions and they were so, so understanding and kind. The determination was that the IUD slipped down in my uterus and wasn’t doing its job, unbeknownst to me.

All of this has been a physically and emotionally horrible thing that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but I am absolutely proof that it can happen to *anyone*. I feel I did everything “right” and it still happened to me. I am now and will be moving forward a very strong advocate for and donor to Planned Parenthood; they really stepped up and took care of me when I needed it (and I do recognize that I am lucky to live close enough to be able to have their help).

The greatest thing about my child is that they were wanted. We decided we wanted a child, we actively took the actions, and they were born. Planned for. Wanted more than anything. Protected and loved. Every child should be wanted.

Hi guys, I don't know if this is the right place to talk about this sort of things, but I've just wanna share my "dating" experience with this one guy I met online.

So, at first he seemed like we were the same person, same taste, same way of saying things, same interests, ecc. so i really liked him.

But, he's really religious, (orthodox) and I'm not, so, we were talking about he's beliefs, and i've asked him what he thinks about abortion, since I know many religious people are pro life. (I'm pro choice)

And he was, and basically told me that abortion is murdered, it's egoistical, it's dehumanizing, but most importantly, he explained to me that if i ever get pregnant by him (because he can't control his "temptations") he would never let me have an abortion with his baby.

I kinda freaked out, the fact is that i really liked this guy, I've never felt something for someone in years, but I'm only 21, still unemployed, i don't even know what to even do with my life, and to be honest, having kids is the worst thing i could ever do right now.. I've tried to see his perspective, but I've felt sick to my stomach, i knew in my heart that this wasn't right.

I suffer from anxiety, didn't eat or slept for two days because of it, all of his words made me feel ashamed of my morals, and it didn't even make sense to me cause he seemed so nice.. so i really genuinely thought "is it really possible that this guy is a pro life? that he wouldn't let me have a choice? or I'm really just being judgemental?"

I stayed until we had another argument on a different thing, always on his ideology, told him I didn't know what to do or to say anymore, and he (rightfully) pushed me away, and told me i came from some sort of propaganda, the "cult of the ego" and I'm only searching superficial kind of pleasures like all people, that before him I've lived in a bubble.

It was my fault, I should've agreed with him on ending things with the abortion argument, cause he didn't want to have a relationship with a pro choice in the first place.

I still stand on my values and morals, most importantly on my life choices, but sometimes i wonder if i could've made it work.. maybe I'm still idealising him, maybe it's the fact that for the first time I've really thought to finally have founded my soulmate, and then getting crushed under a thing i didn't even know I would have to worry about.

In my heart I know it was the right choice, but what do you guys think? dodged a bullet or i could've made things work? (def could've handled things way better, but love is a bitch and I'm personally traumatized on the topic)

Thanks! (sorry for the grammar, english isn't my first language)

(Guys, thank you so much for all your responses and for the support!! I've read every single one of you, y'all are very kind, this really helped me process the situation more properly to the core of it, i no longer really regret it, and yes, he's blocked. Huge life lessons for sure, i do know best now and for that I'm grateful, so, thanks again!)

I can’t help but think about Adriana and her family from time to time. It used to be all the rage with pro-birth people, but now that baby Chance is out of the NICU, it’s been radio silence from the news and from the pro-birth crowd.

I can’t help but feel awful for Adriana Smith’s family, as they not only lost their daughter/mother, but they now have to deal with the financial/medical burden of a baby the government forced them to keep. Not only that, but the Pro-birth crowd treated it all as a huge victory?? Like sure, the baby was born, but at what cost? It just seems so disingenuous to their “cause” that it just makes their whole argument about abortion makes no sense in comparison with the Adriana Smith case.

trump is trying to make it to where embryos are children so what about embryos that are none viable what happens then is it considered an abortion or…. bc to me this whole thing makes 0 sense to me like at all matter of fact the whole trump administration makes 0 sense..

Something the anti-choicers love to claim.

Here's the truth:

The "widespread abortion regret" narrative is a political myth. Peer-reviewed psychological data shows that the overwhelming majority of people who get abortions are highly certain of their decision before the procedure, and feel zero regret afterward.

Furthermore:

The 99% Statistic: The gold standard of research on this is the Turnaway Study out of UCSF. They followed women for five years post-abortion. The result? 99% of women said having the abortion was the right decision for them.

"Women who have abortions are traumatized"

Reality:

The same study looked at the women who were denied abortions because they missed the clinic's gestational cutoff. Those women didn't magically become happy mothers; instead, they suffered significantly higher rates of short-term anxiety, lower self-esteem, and long-term financial insecurity compared to the women who got their abortions.

The fact ist that while people can feel a mix of complex emotions (which is totally normal for any major life decision), the dominant, long-term emotion reported by patients across the board is relief, not regret.

That would be all. Thank you.

I want to say this as someone who is pro-choice and strongly opposed to forced pregnancy:
I think the “clump of cells” rhetoric is hurting us.
I understand why people use it. They are trying to push back against fetal personhood arguments, religious emotional manipulation, and the idea that pregnancy should override a woman’s bodily autonomy. They are afraid that if we admit any moral seriousness, that admission will be weaponized against abortion rights.
But I think we need to be honest about the cost of that rhetoric.
To a lot of people, “it’s just a clump of cells” sounds like denial. It sounds like we are refusing to acknowledge that abortion can be morally serious. And when we sound morally unserious, we make it easier for the anti-abortion side to frame us as callous.
We do not need to say fetal life is meaningless in order to defend legal abortion.
The stronger argument is this:
Even if fetal life is morally serious, moral seriousness does not create a right to use another person’s body without consent.
That is the argument I think we should be making.
No born person has a right to another person’s blood, organs, bone marrow, uterus, hormones, pain tolerance, medical risk, or bodily labor — even if they need those things to survive. So abortion bans do not simply give the fetus “equal rights.” They give it a special right no born person has: the right to use another person’s body without ongoing consent.
That is the core issue.
Safe and legal because forced pregnancy is unacceptable.
Rare because a humane society should reduce the need for abortion through sex education, contraception, healthcare, childcare, housing support, paid leave, disability support, and protection from coercion.
Rare because fewer people need it — not because the state makes it dangerous.
We need seriousness without shame.
We need legality without denial.
And we need to bring the argument back to the point that matters most:
The state should not be able to compel one person’s body to sustain another person’s life.

📌Just to clarify: I’m not saying this rhetoric will convince committed anti-abortion hardliners. Their position is already set, and many of them will oppose legal abortion no matter how carefully we frame the argument.
I’m talking more about moderates, fence-sitters, conflicted people, and people who are uncomfortable with abortion but also uncomfortable with forced pregnancy.
Those are the people our rhetoric can either push away or bring closer.

For the longer version of what I mean, I wrote more here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/prochoice/s/h1aNNqB3CC

The only way to actually stop abortions in states where they’re banned, some activists argue, is to prosecute women for homicide.

6 years ago, when I was 22. A partner I was with immediately decided to get an abortion at 6 weeks when we found out about an unplanned pregnancy. We both had thoroughly enjoyed our time together, but knew that we weren’t going to be together for much longer (a few more months max), and she had just graduated from Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) with her Ph.D. in electrical engineering and mathematics at the age of 22.

I wanted to keep the baby, she did not (she said that she wasn’t ready for a child, and that neither was I, and that she just didn’t want to carry an unwanted pregnancy to term). I was disappointed by this, but I supported her decision *wholeheartedly*.

Three days later, I drove her to the PP clinic, shielded her past the misguided and obnoxious protestors (who, imho, are too blinded by self-righteousness to realize that their efforts are utterly pointless), and then waited outside in the car until it was over. Passing the time by pondering what could‘ve been, and yet, that experience only reaffirmed my belief that women should have *sole* control over their health and bodies. My ex does not regret her decision to terminate the pregnancy, and I don’t regret helping her (we’re still in touch, she’s recently married and expecting her first child, and I’m married as well; though still childless for now) In fact, we both agree that those were the best decisions we could’ve made at the time, respectively.

I‘ve come to believe that the decision to have an abortion should be left entirely up to the woman until approximately 25 weeks gestation (and at any point after in cases where continuing the pregnancy poses a significant risk of injury or death to the mother) provided she is over the age of 18 (while special consent forms signed by parents or legal guardians should be required for minors). The current capacity for consciousness (which doesn’t begin until approximately 25 weeks gestation) should be the relevent criterion for legal personhood. Therefore, no human rights—including a right to life—should be assigned to the human organism during development before it becomes a person, and so, a woman should be able to remove or kill the zygote, embryo, or early fetus inside her, for ANY reason at all*, without penalty to her or others that help her, and without any interference from others (i.e., the father, parents, grandparents, etc)*. Legal abortion is NOT murder. A zygote or embryo, while technically human, is not a baby. An early fetus, while technically a baby, is not a person. Further, the risk of death from natural childbirth is 14X higher than that of legal abortion (therefore, ALL abortions qualify as time-sensitive, essential healthcare). Legal abortion should be accessible, affordable (if not provided by the state as part of a universal healthcare system for free as in countries Canada, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Finland, Iceland, etc.) to everyone living in the United States, quick, private, and safe.

And of course (though it apparently still has to be spelled out to so many), abortion rights are indeed a matter of women’s and girl’s reproductive rights, bodily autonomy, and individual liberty.

Also, this is bound to trigger some controversy, but I believe that the label “pro-abortion“ should not just be accepted, but fully embraced (per Planned Parenthood)…

https://www.plannedparenthoodaction.org/planned-parenthood-advocacy-fund-massachusetts-inc/blog/whats-wrong-with-choice-why-we-need-to-go-beyond-choice-language-when-were-talking-about-abortion

I stumbled upon this TikTok from an American anti-choice mom (@idahogamamom) claiming that if we support abortion rights, we are somehow morally obligated to watch the procedure. It’s the same old shock-value tactic they love to use, completely detached from reality. I’m not a doctor, but I’ve actually done the research to understand how these procedures work. Up to 12 weeks, the vast majority of abortions are incredibly safe, legal, and non-invasive. We are talking about medication (Mifepristone and Misoprostol) or simple vacuum aspiration. D&E (Dilation and Evacuation) is reserved for later stages—usually extreme cases where there are severe fetal abnormalities incompatible with life, or when the pregnant person's life is at serious risk. Watching a standard early-stage abortion is literally looking at basic healthcare, but they try to paint it as something out of a horror movie to scare people. If we are playing the "moral obligation" game, let’s turn the tables on them. If you are anti-choice, where is your moral obligation to adopt the thousands of children stuck in the foster care system? Where is your moral obligation to help homeless youth? Where is your moral obligation to watch a young girl and her baby suffer or die because they were forced into a pregnancy they couldn't carry? They love forcing their morals on our bodies, but they completely vanish when it comes to the real-world consequences of their policies.

No malice/agenda intended. I come purely from a place of curiosity and desire to learn, I do not have an opinion for or against abortion this is just one thing that i have always wondered as a male with NO STAKE in this arguement