u/Kate_cuti

I haven’t written in here for a while because I don’t really have teenagers anymore. But my youngest still is technically a teen so I think this still fits. Sorry this is long!! I’m just so upset.

Background; my daughter is a vegetarian who struggles with some mental health issues such as OCD, adhd and possible autism. I have spent her whole life trying my best to advocate for her and understand her. We have a very close relationship and I love her deeply. Both our daughters still live with us and my youngest took a gap year to try and figure stuff out. We are a very close knit family.

I have a job in the summer that takes me out of town for a week at a time and this time, I hadn’t been home for ten days and I’m leaving again in a week. So Friday night, it was our first family dinner in ten days and we were looking forward to having some good family time. I made tacos and since my youngest (I’ll call her V) doesn’t eat meat, I made a tofu version for her. We also were having a heat wave and I don’t have a/c save for one room in our downstairs. I know V is a picky eater so I put all the toppings and such on the side so she can pick and choose what she wants. After looking at the meal, she told me she actually won’t eat anything but the tofu and the tortilla. I asked her what about the cheese and she snapped at me and told me that “I know dairy makes her sick” (she had just eaten ice cream the day before). Every option I offered was met with a very disrespectful tone, even when I told her I would make her something else. Finally I told her she was being snotty and if she couldn’t talk to use kindly, we didn’t want to eat with her. So she storms upstairs and I don’t see her for the rest of the evening, which really hurt me since I was really looking forward to spending time with her and also bc I did put a lot of effort into dinner and sweating my ass off.

I really thought this was something that she would cool down from and we could have a productive talk and move on. I woke up to a text from her telling us her boyfriend was coming over and to make sure the door was unlocked. I was a little miffed by this bc she didn’t ask but we love her boyfriend and in the end, I didn’t see the harm. To try and just offer a place of peace, I went into her room and told her I was gonna make her favorite pancakes for her and her boyfriend and if she feels like it, they’ll be downstairs. I was met with coldness from her and in this moment, I should have just let it slide and given her the space, but instead I texted her how I was feeling. In the text I said “I didn’t think this was that deep but if it is, let’s talk about it”. I even said “I know me forgetting what you don’t like to eat can make you feel unseen and invalidated and that probably very frustrating and I’m sorry. I’ll do my best to remember in the future” and then I added “however, it was a mistake and the way you treated me made me feel like garbage”. That’s kinda the jist of the message and no response. Just refusing to speak to us.

After her boyfriend arrives, I hear them upstairs talking to my oldest daughter. I admit I ease dropped. The things she was saying about me and my husband were absolutely villainous. You would think she lived in an abusive household and we treated her like Cinderella. Some of the things she said were totally untrue or half truths (she cherry picked my message and kept harping on the fact that I said “it’s not that deep” leaving out where I offered to talk to her and acknowledge that it is that deep to her). She said we were refusing to pay for her college (which is a total lie, as we literally told her a month ago we would cover it) to which her boyfriend replies “I grew up in poverty and my family would never weaponize money like that” (which made my blood boil). She said I don’t try to understand her, that all I care about is “respect” and I don’t care about her mental issues (like I said, my life has revolved around them.) and a lot of other hurtful bullshit. Like I mentioned before, V and I are very very close. We have such a deep and loving relationship. So hearing her say these things about me was so deeply hurtful. And to hear what she said about her dad (including that it’s somehow our fault she hasn’t done anything during her gap year, even though my husband has driven her over an hour to shadow at a vets office just in the odd chance she might wanna be a vet). It all seemed to stem from her classic spiral though, which I’ve seen often and for the most part, I know to take with a grain of salt. I even heard her say that if she moved out, she would stop talking to me (that one cut deep).

I think that if this was just between her and her sister, I wouldn’t have gotten so angry. But hearing her spill this to a 3rd party just sent me into a blind rage. I stormed upstairs and yelled “I heard everything you said and if you don’t want to sit down and talk this out with me, you should leave” and so that’s what she did. Within 10 mins she had a whole suitcase packed and her and her BF were walking to the bus stop. My oldest daughter started crying and said “why would you do that?? I almost had her talked down. She told me if she left she’d have a hard time coming home” and I just broke down. I felt so much shame and regret for letting my anger get the best of me and pushing my daughter away. Even typing it out now I feel like I’m choking on it in my throat.

I know a lot of parents in these situations can’t look beyond what they do for their kids and can’t see where their kid has valid points. I really really try my best to not be one of those parents in fights. But this just seems completely ridiculous. She is so insanely entitled. She works 1-2 days a week and spends her money on whatever she wants. We don’t charge her rent, we go out of our way to get her groceries (even the day of the fight we had went to our local market and spent an extra 20 mins looking for the fudge booth bc she asked us for fudge), we don’t make her pay her own phone bill, we take her boyfriend with us on trips and outings and pay for him bc he doesn’t have a job and comes from a lower income family. She doesn’t drive so we drive her back and forth to work or pick her boyfriend up or drop her there and
Back. We never fight or even have tense times. We all have so much fun together.

I am swinging between a well of grief and a well of anger. I sent her and her boyfriend a long apology for my outburst and told her that I love her. No response. I have no idea when she’s coming back. I can’t eat. I can’t think. I have a headache from crying and as soon as I opened my eyes this morning I started crying again. Nothing like this has ever happened with our family and I don’t know how to handle it.

Thank you for reading if you made it this far. I’m just a sad mom who misses her daughter.

My guy Spartacus is still nowhere to be seen. I’m even starting to wonder if I left the lid open, but I know I didn’t! My friend got his beetle at the same time and his is coming out every night! They are only a few days apart too in life stage. Should I try to dig him up?

Just got an adult rainbow stag, male, five days ago. He has been burrowed in his enclosure now for 3 days. I thought I had learned they only burrow for long periods when they are younger. Is this normal?

I’m coming here to ask this because no one else has any experience with this before. I’ve had male dogs almost all my life and have never experienced this either.

My frenchie boy is almost one and we’ve had him since he was 13 weeks. We are getting him neutered for the record, just haven’t yet. He is soooo humpy. Which I guess is normal. But here’s the thing…..he, like, ejaculates or SOMETHING, all the time. Whatever he’s humping is then literally soaked. It’s so freaking gross. I’ve never had this happen with a male dog before!!

Is my dog a sick freak???

My biggest fear is that after we try everything, nothing will get better, and it will only get worse.

I have a French bulldog (male 11 months) with severe anxiety and severe separation anxiety specifically that has bitten me a few times (not badly). We do everything we can to try and eliminate the triggers but he is so freaking smart that he’s getting more and more perceptive and more easily over threshold. Now it’s not just us putting on coats or shoes, or reaching keys, now it seems like he can tell if we’ve changed our outfits, or I put on perfume. I even tried to “pretend to read” the other day before going out to try and not let on that I would be leaving.

He was the sweetest and easiest puppy I’ve ever had. But once he hit adolescence, things just got worse and worse. Even with training and reading and researching, we haven’t seen any real improvement and now new behaviors are surfacing. He used to be great with guests but now it’s he’s on edge and obnoxious when they are here. He doesn’t get vicious in those scenerios, but he is very different than he was even two months ago.

We have an appt with a behavioral vet in June (earliest I could get in) and I’m so antsy to put him on meds and to get him neutered as well. I am putting all my faith into those three things to help curb this behavior.

But I’m so nervous it’s genetic and can’t be helped. He is obviously very poorly bred. We got him from a cleft palate rescue and he’s what you’d call an “exotic” French bulldog with his long coat and big rope nose. So if he hadn’t had a deformity, he would probably be sold for a pretty penny. It makes me so angry what these breeders do to dogs.

I’m just here to vent bc it’s the heaviest weight on me every single day. I love him soooo deeply. I’d do anything for him. And I’m also grieving the dog I thought I was bringing into the family. The dog I could bring around everyone and be a partner in crime. I keep thinking about what my trainer says; “train the dog you have, not the dog you want” but sometimes, I feel like I’m being choked to death by anxiety and sorrow.

Thank you for reading and my heart goes out to each of us who are trying to manage our reactive dogs and doing our best.

Hello!! Long rant post, apologies in advance. Could really use advice!

As a frenchie owner, I know our babies have more health issues than normal. My specific Frenchie has even more. He has a cleft palate and probably has some other health issues due to poor breeding (we got him from a rescue). I need to know if my rage about my vet is warranted. If I should switch vets or what I should do. I really am stumped.

Background; From the first time our vet met Fonzie, I felt a condescending energy from her. The first thing she said when she came in was an exhausted “oh look….ANOTHER frenchie”, and it really rubbed me the wrong way. The first visit with her was all doom and gloom, acting like our pup would for sure get pneumonia and die, or at the very least, live a very miserable health complicated life. She even said “well there’s a reason cleft palate dogs are euthanized…” ok well guess what! He’s alive and here so let’s just treat him and be nice ok?? We used this practice with our last dog, a Great Dane, and had nothing but positive experiences but this is a new vet at the practice. I left that appointment bracing myself for a possible reality that I won’t have my little guy for very long.

Follow Up; Fonzie is 11 months old now and we took him in in March bc he’s starting to have some behavior issues and we wanted to get him checked out. This is when she told us his back legs don’t sit right in their sockets. I am not great at absorbing information so a few days later, on April 4th, I emailed her asking if she could clarify it in the email so I have it written somewhere and could research and also if maybe he could be in pain and that could be contributing to his behavior issues. I also asked about possible medication.

TWO WEEKS and no reply. I call the office and ask the receptionist to “give her a little nudge”. Nothing. A WEEK later, so 3 plus weeks since I sent her the email, she emails my husband, not me, and 1.) mentioned blood work for getting him meds. And 2.) brings up how she suspects he could have a neurological disease and we should see a neurologist before him going under for his neuter and his nostril surgery May 19th. First off, he doesn’t have any symptoms of this disease at all, but after posting on the French bulldog Reddit, I felt like it’s better safe than sorry to get the tests done.

So I email her back right away and ask for more details on this disease and why she thinks he could have it and also if I need a referral to a neurologist and if she has any she recommends. I also mention that she never acknowledged my question about his legs. I then state that we are really time crunched bc his surgery is coming up on May 19th and we are very anxious for him to get it done for many reasons. 1.) bc he has an appt at a behavioral vet center June 11 (we had to book months out) and eliminating the neuter from the equation for his behavior feels important and 2.) he’s really struggling with breathing and I wonder if he’s not getting enough rest and that could be contributing to his behavior and also with the summer months coming up, I’m worried about his breathing too.

So I labeled this email TIME SENSITIVE in the header. Three days passes and I call the vet and again ask them to nudge her. I also tell the receptionist just how unhappy I am with her care. The lady tells me she will talk to her and “remedy this”. That was three days ago. So almost 6 days since I got the email.

What should I do?? My gut has been telling me from the beginning to get a new vet. I would never take my children to a dr I don’t trust so why would I do the same for my fur baby. I’ve been advocating for him like crazy with no movement. But I feel really stuck between a rock and a hard place bc of his upcoming neuter appointment and behavioral vet appt. He needs this surgery as soon as he can get it. But with this “suspected disease” scenario, I do not know what to do. She is really just putting me in a difficult position.

Do you feel like your vet should be prompt with answering questions and emails? I just feel like with him being medically different, I should have a more hands on vet. I just don’t I know if I’m being unreasonable.

Thank you for reading my long post! Man I’m fired up again just typing it!

Hello!! Long rant post, apologies in advance. Could really use advice!

As a frenchie owner, I know our babies have more health issues than normal. My specific Frenchie has even more. He has a cleft palate and probably has some other health issues due to poor breeding (we got him from a rescue). I need to know if my rage about my vet is warranted. If I should switch vets or what I should do. I really am stumped.

Background; From the first time our vet met Fonzie, I felt a condescending energy from her. The first thing she said when she came in was an exhausted “oh look….ANOTHER frenchie”, and it really rubbed me the wrong way. The first visit with her was all doom and gloom, acting like our pup would for sure get pneumonia and die, or at the very least, live a very miserable health complicated life. She even said “well there’s a reason cleft palate dogs are euthanized…” ok well guess what! He’s alive and here so let’s just treat him and be nice ok?? We used this practice with our last dog, a Great Dane, and had nothing but positive experiences but this is a new vet at the practice. I left that appointment bracing myself for a possible reality that I won’t have my little guy for very long.

Follow Up; Fonzie is 11 months old now and we took him in in March bc he’s starting to have some behavior issues and we wanted to get him checked out. This is when she told us his back legs don’t sit right in their sockets. I am not great at absorbing information so a few days later, on April 4th, I emailed her asking if she could clarify it in the email so I have it written somewhere and could research and also if maybe he could be in pain and that could be contributing to his behavior issues. I also asked about possible medication.

TWO WEEKS and no reply. I call the office and ask the receptionist to “give her a little nudge”. Nothing. A WEEK later, so 3 plus weeks since I sent her the email, she emails my husband, not me, and 1.) mentioned blood work for getting him meds. And 2.) brings up how she suspects he could have a neurological disease and we should see a neurologist before him going under for his neuter and his nostril surgery May 19th. First off, he doesn’t have any symptoms of this disease at all, but after posting on the French bulldog Reddit, I felt like it’s better safe than sorry to get the tests done.

So I email her back right away and ask for more details on this disease and why she thinks he could have it and also if I need a referral to a neurologist and if she has any she recommends. I also mention that she never acknowledged my question about his legs. I then state that we are really time crunched bc his surgery is coming up on May 19th and we are very anxious for him to get it done for many reasons. 1.) bc he has an appt at a behavioral vet center June 11 (we had to book months out) and eliminating the neuter from the equation for his behavior feels important and 2.) he’s really struggling with breathing and I wonder if he’s not getting enough rest and that could be contributing to his behavior and also with the summer months coming up, I’m worried about his breathing too.

So I labeled this email TIME SENSITIVE in the header. Three days passes and I call the vet and again ask them to nudge her. I also tell the receptionist just how unhappy I am with her care. The lady tells me she will talk to her and “remedy this”. That was three days ago. So almost 6 days since I got the email.

What should I do?? My gut has been telling me from the beginning to get a new vet. I would never take my children to a dr I don’t trust so why would I do the same for my fur baby. I’ve been advocating for him like crazy with no movement. But I feel really stuck between a rock and a hard place bc of his upcoming neuter appointment and behavioral vet appt. He needs this surgery as soon as he can get it. But with this “suspected disease” scenario, I do not know what to do. She is really just putting me in a difficult position.

Do you feel like your vet should be prompt with answering questions and emails? I just feel like with him being medically different, I should have a more hands on vet. I just don’t I know if I’m being unreasonable.

Thank you for reading my long post! Man I’m fired up again just typing it!

I have an 11 month old French bulldog. He has changed a lot after adolescence and now has reactivity and hates to be “messed with” and will try to bite. He needs these ear drops but he will.not.let.me. Is there a kind of wipe or something that would be as effective as the actual drops? TIA!