u/KayLilz

Hi all! Just trying to get through the weekend. Thx in advance.

It’s May, and for me, May brings back memories.. from last year on Cinco de Mayo when I just so happened to be knee deep in a bender alternating around the clock between fireball & new Amsterdam.
Being half Hispanic I thought “hey! This is my day. I’m going to do us browns proud” I mean…I’ve been doing us proud for about a month by that time but this day was special right? So I was over at my family’s house.
They were cooking, I got through the morning OK, and when I say OK I mean super drunk. By around noon I was blacked out drunk calling the police on myself telling them to come get me because I had some minor bench warrants and in my head, I was sick of playing cat & mouse w these bitches bc I knew I wasn’t ever gonna make it to court.
My mom, aunt, cousins, everyone urging me to put the phone down but I told em all to pipe down. Well, lo and behold my charriot arrived. 2 asshole cops snickering at me while cuffing me and driving me down to the station. My family stood on the porch and solemnly looked on. I felt so noble righting my wrongs in the eyes of the law in my drunken stupor. Anyway, I learned the hard way that Cinco de Mayo is a busy day for intake down at the county.
I was left in a cell for 8 hours eventually flopping around like a fish on the cold concrete begging for a phone call. I was stripped naked and searched for any contraband THOROUGHLY bc I’m guessing they assumed I was trying to get a package in bc what idiot calls the police on themselves?
As they threw me back in the slammer the lady cop says “ you know you could’ve just shown up to court and got this dismissed right?” By then, I was sobering up and pissed tf off. I finally got my phone call, where I apologized and pleaded with my family to bail me out ASAP. They were nice enough to do so. I hit the corner store as soon as I was out of that shit hole. Lesson learned.

I’ve had 9 days to dry out. 4 of which I spent in the hospital. The pain had me pledging to lay off the sauce for as long as possible. I guess “as long as possible” is today. Im tapped out broke, health is compromised, and anxiety ridden. I’m going to cope the only way I know how. I’m going to pick up 2 fosters and hope that atleast eases this dreadful feeling and try to sort myself out and attempt another sober streak tomorrow. I know what’s at stake here and I’m really trying to dig my heels in the dirt before things get any worse because I know far too well, they always can. Anyway, just venting.
🪑 every1

And I was pretty pissed off about it because symptoms were so severe I couldn’t keep a drink down whatsoever. When I did managed to keep a swallow or two down, i regretted it even more. It felt like straight up battery acid. I started to panic bc if I can’t even keep a drink down the WD’s were sure to come. I knew it was hospital time. So here I sit, banana bag, zofran, and double dose of morphine and a dose of dilaudid and I still feel like complete shit. I got all the tests done I think.. blood work, EKG, chest xray. I’m really hoping for the best but I’m bracing myself for the results. Can’t win for losing lol

I’m currently in the middle of another attempt to taper properly. After being on this sub for some time, I’ve come to the conclusion that when in active WD, there are definitely some “symptoms” we have in common. Last week, I tapered too quick and ended up sweating and trembling all night in bed unable to even drift into a sleep without my body ZAPPING me awake. I was in a shit mood when suddenly to my disgust I heard some classical jazzy music playing outside. I was thinking to myself “who the fuck is playing music that loud at 3 AM?” Welp, I got up and checked out the window and the music faded..turned out to be my minds own made up band that didn’t exist 🤠 that was the first time I ever experienced something like that.

Thank you!