u/KayLilz

Like don’t get me wrong it’s an extremely creepy and edge of your seat kind of psychological thriller but for some reason there have been multiple points in the movie where I get a good laugh like when Bear is all like “hey did you cut my hair?” And Nikki is just like “yeah” 😆 or when he was talking to her through the door and as soon as he mentioned a guys night the water shuts off. The actor did such an amazing job portraying someone who is literally walking on egg shells! I haven’t even finished watching this film and I had to come here and talk about it to see if anybody found certain parts funny as well.

I can feel myself spiraling. This isn’t meant to be a whiny shit post about everything wrong in life but I must say, I’m overly frustrated and disgusted with myself. I finally landed a job about a month ago now, and it is physically demanding. I didn’t realize how truly out of shape I am and found myself past the point of sore after multiple shifts thinking “eh muscle memory will kick in and it will get better” it has not in fact, gotten any better. I’ve been out of work for 4 days now because I messed up my back and guess what I’m doing on that time off rather than taking epsom salt soaks in the tub or using heating pads like a normie? Yup, you guessed it.
I have to be ready for work by Sunday and I really don’t want to mess this up. This job was a God send and life has been easier with a little cash flow. I’m not willing to give that up. Rather than turn it up a notch, (which my brain keeps telling me to do especially around evening time) I keep reminding myself I’ve got work I need to get back to. I’m sipping on fosters all day long trying not to go over the edge.
🪑 every1

The real world has been treating me like shit. I finally got back to work and it’s been brutal. I have a physically demanding job and that alone mixed with the outrageous summer heat is maddening. The job I’m working is thankless with low pay but it’s better than nothing. After picking up some after work drinks, I went thru the in n out drive thru last night because I hadn’t ate all day. The fucking radiator exploded in the drive thru. Smoke everywhere, employees come running out panicked thinking the car was on fire 🤦🏻‍♀️ having to push it out of the drive thru with the help of two kind gentleman.

When I get to the parking spot I am just so exhausted from the day I feel like crying. I go for my phone to call my aunt and ask for a ride home since I’m so broke I can’t even call a Lyft (much less a tow truck) I can’t find my phone. I spend 15 min wandering the parking lot looking for it thinking maybe I put it on top of the car when I got out. I found it wedged deep between the passenger seat and center console. I must have thrown it aside in a state of panic..finally get home and I’ve still got a couple drinks left atleast to get me thru the night.

I wake up today anxious as all hell trying to figure out what to do about the car. I get a text and as it turns out, my sweet landlord who i am indebted to is getting released after a 2 week hospital stay from fracturing her hip. She has been so understanding of my lack of work and my own issues that she has often allowed me to do odd jobs such as driving her around in lieu of being a couple hundred shy of rent. I have now inherited the responsibility of helping her to recover at home. I have been a caregiver in the past and everyone is looking to me to step up and smooth all this out and meanwhile I’m a nervous wreck biting off more than I can chew because these days I barely take care of myself.

I’m going to trudge through this just as I do everything else in life because it’s one thing to let myself down, but letting down the people who have been there for me when I needed them the most is where I draw the line. I’m getting a proper buzz on for now, my nerves are shot, I’m sore af, and I feel like I’m spread so thin. I’m going to take a nap so I can be ready to be a stand up individual by 2pm which is when my landlord will be coming home and that leaves me at least 3 hours for a solid nap since I haven’t got much sleep.

As always, thank you so much for letting me rant. Chairs every1
🪑 🪑 🪑

My benders are getting less intense in that they don’t last as long and I’ve sworn off everything except beer & wine which is SOME progress but every time the recovery process feels like it worsens. I’m talking days of severe anxiety, exhaustion, indigestion, nausea/vomiting not to mention my personal favorite: regret.

It’s just like wtf is wrong with me? I recovered from pancreatitis a couple months ago and it set me straight for a lil bit but somehow it ALWAYS leads back to lying around a pile of glass bottles and cans, barf bag in hand, trying to pray the anxiety away. It seems that every time I come up with a solid plan of action to get some momentum in my life again drinking just crashes through and ruins everything.

Not to mention when you’re in too deep, that cute “hair of the dog” shit is out the window. Good-luck keeping a drink down for even a tad bit of relief. My stomach is always the first to let me know when I’ve gone too far, found out this morning by projectile vomiting the last bit of wine I had. It’s only up from here. Hopefully.

Thanks for letting me rant here you folks are the only ones who truly understand and though I am sorry you understand, it feels a little better knowing I’m not suffering through this shit alone every time.
Chairs everybody enjoy your weekend 💓

I took a little hiatus from drinking to try and mend my gut health I’d say overall it went pretty good as I’m feeling a bit better but the most awesome thing happened and I care to share. For context, my mom loves a good wine or champagne and knows how to party. Yesterday was her birthday. My dad came over with a good supply of booze. Wine, beer, IPA, and champagne to have with the cake.

I was pacing myself through making dinner. I made a nice spread and I’m proud of getting it done because I couldn’t wait to get toasted. Dinner was a hit and next, my homemade 🎂 cake. I got the stamp of approval from the parents and prepared for lift off.

Woke up sitting upright on the couch. Kink in my neck, slight tinge of pain in me spleen. I look around, daylight is gently peeking in and there sits 2 warm unopened Swami IPA, half a bottle of champagne, AND half a black n mild bc I love some nicotine when I’m drunk. Thank you booze Gods! THEY LIVE!!!

TLDR got properly hammered on good booze and woke up with left overs let’s fucking go
How tf could I forget 🪑!!!

My mother is the most loving, sweet, gentle soul. She is the center of my world. I am her only child and we are very close. It makes me sad because on her special day, I cannot afford to do anything nice this year. Also, her social circle has taken a big hit since her arthritis has gotten worse and it’s harder for her to get around these days because of the pain in her knees. We are spending her birthday at home this year and it would be the world to me if some kind people on here would send her a happy birthday email or small gift to her PayPal so maybe she can pick out a present. Her name is Inez and she is turning 69 today 💓 please help make her special day a little more special.
Thank you in advance and please feel free to msg me for email or PayPal
Edit: Requesting $50, Orange CA

No loans outstanding TIA

I’ve been thru this time and time again. I actually just detoxed in the hospital about a month ago after being treated for “acute alcohol induced pancreatitis” as it reads in my discharge summary. The difference about this time is I sort of went at it cold turkey and suffered pretty bad. DO NOT RECOMMEND. Now, I’m on day four and my body is in a lot of pain. I’m drinking a ton of water and eating very well but I cannot escape the discomfort. I’m restless and extremely achy not to mention the extreme mood swings. I’ve thankfully got my anxiety meds to get me thru the worst of that part of this whole thing but fuck. This is not for the weak. I don’t want to drink anymore. I’m going to hold on to this for as long as it can. “I’m so sick and tired of being sick and tired”

I wasn’t expecting to get a call on Memorial Day but I’ve been really pushing myself to find steady employment well now I meet with the manager Wednesday afternoon and I’m anxiety ridden. I’m drinking daily how tf am I going to drink at work? It doesn’t help that there’s a liquor store about a 2 min walk away. I think I just answered my own question but anyway hopefully that doesn’t become a noticeable issue at some point. Does coffee hide the scent of booze? I really need this job. I’m freaking out because I’m not a FA but I’m going to fight like hell and atleast try to be. Please wish me luck!
🪑 every1

Happy Sunday my fellow degenerates! I feel like absolute ass today so I bought myself some high abv beers to drag me along through the day, the door dasher must’ve shaken the bag up pretty good while enroute because now im wearing almost the entirety of the first can YAY! I love when my liquor is on me and not in me 😤 anyway atleast there’s more. 🪑