u/Kay_kay234

Ik this seems like a stupid question but idk what to do.

Mentally leaving is easy, physically tho. It’s like there are invisible barriers stopping me.

Like there this girl in my class who just this yr decided she wasn’t Muslim anymore. She was nvr a hijabi and has always worn revealing clothes, so when she told ppl she wasn’t Muslim anymore that was it. No one told her that xyz is haram don’t do that or gave her a side eye when she talked about going to the Halloween party that’s happening soon.

But me, I haven’t taken the hijab off yet (I’ve been wearing it since 5 yrs old so as much as I hate it it’s a part of me and idk how to do my hair), I still eat the halal food at skl just because the lunch ladies see my hijab and serve it to me, I still say inshallah and mashallah on reflex w/o thinking, etc.

Like ik it’s not anyone’s fault. They treat me like I’m Muslim because I appear Muslim. But idk how to stop.

Not to mention that I’m Somali. Everyone knows that most Somalis are Muslim it’s like my ethnic features speak for me. Compared to this girl who is south Asian but appears more ethnicity ambiguous.

All in all, I’m really struggling and idk how to get over this mental barrier. For fucks sake i left Islam almost 4yrs ago and next yr im going to uni. I refuse to keep up this charade at uni when im away from home. So any advice would be great.

So age wise it goes him (almost 19), me (17), sister 1 (16), and sister 2 (11).

Now me and my older brother has nvr been close and I make it very know I don’t like him, cuz if I don’t why would I pretend yk, so we’re always going back and forth but recently it’s escalated to a level I nvr thought it would.

Just like all incel it starts with my mum, so my brother is going to uni in September and now that he’s ‘grown’ he thinks he can get away with treating her like shit (eg asking her for wayyyy more money then she can give him THENNNN shaming her for it) sometimes it goes as far as her needing to call my dad who lives in another city to call him and threaten to beat him to get him to lay of her cuz apparently he’s incapable of treating his MUM right w/o a man telling him too

And now it’s infested how he treats me and my sisters. So I’ll just tell u guys about today. First I tell him to put his dirty dishes in the dishwasher so I can run it, he doesn’t so I don’t turn it on (y was electricity and water if it’s not full) then he and sister2 ate lunch and dinner both leaving it in the sink so now he has to put them in the dishwasher. So u think perfect now it’s full and can be run NOO apparently I should’ve put his and sister 2s dishes in there and run it (why?? Because he doesn’t know how to turn it on) so what does he do. Well he runs to my room, turns on my lights, smashes my door open sooo hard there is a crack in it, and SCREAMSSS in my face cuz it’s my responsibility to deal with the dishes.

Ok so I go complain to my mum and she’s says some dismissive shit and that she’ll deal with it, ok?, but I go to my room and I can hear him screaming at sister 2 ( and for context sake he’s 5’8 100kg and ugly as shit and she’s 10) so that ain’t good. Now was I there for the argument no but was I there watching my mum scream at him whilst SHEE ran the dishwasher yess. So apparently my sister took a packet of crisps outside and shared them with her friends, my brother is pissed and throws her crisps in the bin (family pack btw) just cuz he was mad. That’s it wasting my mums money, sister 2 scared of him,
And just the principle of it

who does he think he is?

Now look I’ve had a range of emotions about him but as of rn I’m mostly scared of his future, what if some poor woman gets with him, how would he treat his kids or even my mum and dad when they get too old to deal with bc him.
I don’t even what to think about it.

I’m at the point of socially transitioning into an ex Muslim and honestly I’m nvr been this uncomfortable in my own skin before.

Like I bought my first pair of shorts a couple days ago (I’m 17 btw) and I wore it to sleep but in the middle of the night I had to wake up to help my brother with smt, so I obvi went down with what I was wearing shorts and a tank top and helped him and on my life I’ve nvr felt that bad about my body. Not in a ‘I hate how my body looks’ way or in a ‘my brother is a weird man’ way either but in a what am I wearing, why is it making my thighs look that way, how do girls leave their house like this.

And to clarify I don’t mean this to be insulting to girls who do wear that type of clothes in fact I want to be u and that’s the problem. It just doesn’t look right or normal (on me) and it makes me feel like I’m not me or at least my body isn’t.

Another thing is the hijab, that I haven’t taken off yet and like I said before I want to be ‘immodest’ so trust when I say I want it gone but I can’t. Like I can’t even describe why I’m being hesitant as thats not like me at all.

Anyway I’m just looking for girls who can relate and r willing to share their stories on how they’ve overcome it.

I’ve been hyping myself up about it lately and I’ve got the perfect opportunity to show up and show out with my hair.

Context I’ve been wearing the hijab since as long as I can remember and I’m 17. So do the maths

Either way next week I’ve got a picnic and it’s the perfect chance to not wear my hijab. And I don’t know what to do with my hair

Obvi I’ve got no practice with doing my hair ( I’m black btw so imagine 4B-4C) and I really need the girls help rn.

The hijabs lwk damage my hair but mainly at the hairline so ik I want some sort of style that covers my forehead

On the weekend I’m going the try and find a hat or smt but if not I need a backup plan.

So if anyone can help I would really appreciate it. Pls pls pls I really don’t wanna embarrass myself cuz ik ill just put it back one

I’ve struggled in the past don’t get me wrong but she’s soo far gone.

For context I’m almost 17 and she’s almost 16 and it’s just getting to much. I can’t chat about what’s she’s going through mentally but physically even I’m going through it.

For example today she walked past me and she smelled soo fucking bad that I had to ask her to shower and she told me she goes a week w/o showering and on top of that tonight I walked into the bathroom we share and there a massive bit of tissue covered in period blood just right on the floor. NO SHAME WHATSOEVER. I even woke her up to clean it up ,which she barely did by the way, and she just kept insulting me.

Like call me a bad sister but at this point I need her better for my sake. This shit is pmo and she refuses help. My mum offered therapy and she refused. I don’t even know what to do anymore.
Like I’m the one getting blamed for everything.
Pls share any advice if you’ve been in a similar situation

This is just a rant so it might be stupid but I was just scrolling on tt and saw this video of some Muslim mums day in the life with her and her kids. They go to an Islamic school in the uk. Just like I did.
Idk if it was the trip down memory lane or wtv but god I hate that religion.
I hate all religions
I don’t understand how ppl can fall for that shit or if they do idk why they let it infest all aspects of their lives.
Social interactions, is it halal, education, is it halal, clothes, is it halal…
Is it not exhausting
Idk where the brain capacity to store all of that shot came from but it can’t be normal right?
The constent second guessing, the worry of if ur doing it right; I’d fell bad for them if they weren’t doing it to themselves.
But the kids tho, like I’m only 17 and even I know that ain’t a way to live.
If I had it my way religious ppl wouldn’t be able to have kids