u/KeepOnCluckin

My older children’s father is driving me crazy lately. He’s suddenly become anti vaxx, and is now telling me he does not “consent” to their regular vaccine schedule. Legally, medical and schooling decisions must be 50/50, despite the fact that he’s maybe taken them to the doctor twice in their life, I’ve done the majority of illness care, and oh yeah. He disappeared for 2 years when they were preschoolers and decided to start a new life with someone else. Having to 50/50 with him feels unjust. They are also with me 5 days each week (which I’m very grateful for)

He does pay child support, but I have to beg him to pay half of medical bills whenever those come up, which he is also legally supposed to do. I pay for all of their extra curriculars, and ultimately have to swallow extra costs etc. I also have just always taken the lead and been responsible for most things. He’s been okay but mostly half asleep at the wheel kind of parent. Of course, the woman he left me for absorbs a lot of his parenting responsibilities as well (also there’s the dynamic of them sometimes ganging up on me and I have pretty much remained a single parent the whole time. I have a partner, but he doesn’t live with me and works out of town half the week) He sometimes randomly loves to bring up this 50/50 rule, which I’ve never felt was fair, given the inequitable parenting on his behalf, and it often involves something completely irrational. I’m almost tempted to attempt to update our legal agreement, but I know he’ll probably cause me a bunch of emotional distress that I don’t want to deal with (and who knows if any of it will be granted, anyway)

Has anyone had advanced breast cancer while breastfeeding? I know I may be jumping to conclusions, but I’ve had fibrocystic breasts since I was a teen, and know what a cyst feels like. I just discovered a large, hard lump deep on the underside of my breast (I have large breasts so didn’t notice before) I was already scheduled for a mammogram next month.

I have breast cancer in my family, too. (My father’s sister died from it in the early 2000s). I am really afraid about what this all can imply. I plan on calling doc tomorrow, and hoping to get mammogram pushed up.

Has anyone highlighted their henna’d hair while it grew out? My stylist did a few strand tests.

I’ll admit that part of me will miss henna. I love how healthy it makes my hair. But the color is too dark for my skin tone. I don’t feel like it’s doing me any favors as my skin has started to age.

I have a few Melasma spots that popped up during my last pregnancy. I thought they would fade, but they are still there. I sometimes use vit c and have a brightening mask that I use occasionally. I also use BHA pads.

Hasn’t faded in 1.5 years. I’m also still breastfeeding, so can’t use anything with retinol.

I am getting ads for Melasma treatments all of the time now. Just recently bought a cheaper moisturizer from wal mart that has vit c and turmeric in it… there were lots of good reviews… we will see.

Anyway, anyone share to care a product that has made a significant difference?

TIA 🙂

Editing to add that I’m not looking for legal advice. I have been through a divorce in my state before, and I have talked with a lawyer, looked everything up etc. He is not doing anything that he shouldn’t be, legally. It doesn’t make it any more fair.

So techinically, he is following the “rules” but it doesn’t make it feel any less shitty.

Narc and I share a 1 year old. He lives 5 mins away. Both of us have our houses paid off, and cars, so we both have a lot of financial flexibility. However, he has a 100K income, and mine is basically zero, since having the baby.

I was working FT before.

I really hate daycares, and want to take care of baby as long as I can. I did this with my older children. I believe they benefited. Their dad left me for another woman and was awol for 2 years (just giving context because this kind of do whatever they want while the woman cares for the kids is a reoccurring theme)

Narc was living with me when I had the baby, and moved out in November. Reoccurring gaslighting and arguments were too much. We have been getting along well since he moved out.

He unilaterally decided a few months ago to apply for another job that he will have to fly to and be gone 4 days out of the week. I was hoping to work this year, but that would be impossible, unless I put tot in daycare.

He will be making only a little more money, especially since he has to fly every week. It’s all for his fucking ego tbh. It’s a job working as a professor. The last time he did this, literally all of his students that rated him gave him one star on rate my professor, and complained that he did not teach. He just droned on about whatever he felt like every week, and that he was not helpful at all. I’m just saying this to show how his personality is.

He also is a landlord.

Right now, I am relying on child support. I do odd jobs to make every month.

I’ve been pissed ever since he took this job, because he did it without caring how it would affect my life. I had a pretty sweet pt job last school year that I was looking to continue, but it’s impossible without him here.

I’ve had to accept it, though, because what the fuck else can I do. I know.. I can do daycare. But this is my personal choice, and I know I’m making a sacrifice. He also doesn’t want the baby in daycare.

So on top of the fact that my schedule will be squeezed, he told me today that he’s deducting the money that I make from the odd jobs that I do every month to make ends meet. With his main income, this new job and his landholding, he probably makes close to 200K, but he is only giving me 400$ more each month.

I’ve been trying to maintain some kind of growth when it comes to my skill set. I’m a yoga teacher, have experience with classroom teaching, I tutor, and sub. I also petsit.

With his schedule, I can barely fit in any of this, and now he wants to deduct every potential thing that I can do, so what the fuck is the point? I know there are single parents that have it way worse than me, but I’m so fucking pissed.

What are we doing for upper lip hair? I used to get my lip waxed, sometimes threaded, but I don’t want to go on pulling that delicate part of my face? Laser? Anyone try the facial razors at home? I use them sometimes for my eyebrows, and it does grow back stubbly.