u/Key-Look-2619

So I am in the process of being diagnosed with BPD, which isn’t the cause of my retroactive jealousy, but appears to play a huge role.

I have had multiple relationships, in which RJ has always been an issue, but I’m now 23 and completely besotted by my boyfriend. My feelings for him being more intense than my feelings for anyone else, has also led to my RJ being more intense than it has been with anyone else. My RJ is not at a normal level, it causes me to literally melt down, become super self destructive and on multiple occasions has made me physically sick.

Example: he briefly mentioned a girl he used to see (very casually, for a few months) that he hadn’t told me about before. I found out that, like me, this girl has brown hair and blue eyes. Next thing i know im threatening to dye or even shave my hair off, and covering my eyes so that he can’t see them for fear of him being ‘reminded of her’. It’s not just her, I’m also obsessed with any other exs he’s had, even the ones from school despite us being 23. I find myself wishing them the worst (evil i know) and being (unjustifiably) angry with him for having been with them before me.

This is causing a lot of stress and friction in my relationship and i feel so awful because I just can’t stop. I can’t stop asking questions because i feel the need to know everything about his past relationships (not that im entitled to at all!), and then as soon as i get names i resort to social media sleuthing (hate to admit but this even spans to spotify, YouTube, you name it, I’ve done it)

I can see how badly this is affecting my boyfriend and my relationship. I thought this ask me anything might be a good way to help me understand more from someone else’s perspective. So please, feel free to ask me anything, or let me know if you’ve been in a similar position (either mine or my bfs), or have anything helpful to share at all.. I’m honestly at the end of my tether here

I know I’m not a bad person, but im self aware enough to know my behaviour is not okay. I’m hoping that this diagnosis and treatment can help in some way (not blaming my actions on BPD, just to clarify) but in the meantime, anything will help bc i just cannot cope w this, and don’t want to ruin my own relationship :(

Thank u <3

I know I’m the asshole, but i need help!!!!

So I am in the process of being diagnosed with BPD, which isn’t the cause of my retroactive jealousy, but appears to play a huge role.

I have had multiple relationships, in which RJ has always been an issue, but I’m now 23 and completely besotted by my boyfriend. My feelings for him being more intense than my feelings for anyone else, has also led to my RJ being more intense than it has been with anyone else. My RJ is not at a normal level, it causes me to literally melt down, become super self destructive and on multiple occasions has made me physically sick.

Example: he briefly mentioned a girl he used to see (very casually, for a few months) that he hadn’t told me about before. I found out that, like me, this girl has brown hair and blue eyes. Next thing i know im threatening to dye or even shave my hair off, and covering my eyes so that he can’t see them for fear of him being ‘reminded of her’. It’s not just her, I’m also obsessed with any other exs he’s had, even the ones from school despite us being 23. I find myself wishing them the worst (evil i know) and being (unjustifiably) angry with him for having been with them before me.

This is causing a lot of stress and friction in my relationship and i feel so awful because I just can’t stop. I can’t stop asking questions because i feel the need to know everything about his past relationships (not that im entitled to at all!), and then as soon as i get names i resort to social media sleuthing (hate to admit but this even spans to spotify, YouTube, you name it, I’ve done it)

I can see how badly this is affecting my boyfriend and my relationship. I thought this ask me anything might be a good way to help me understand more from someone else’s perspective. So please, feel free to ask me anything, or let me know if you’ve been in a similar position (either mine or my bfs), or have anything helpful to share at all.. I’m honestly at the end of my tether here

I know I’m not a bad person, but im self aware enough to know my behaviour is not okay. I’m hoping that this diagnosis and treatment can help in some way (not blaming my actions on BPD, just to clarify) but in the meantime, anything will help bc i just cannot cope w this, and don’t want to ruin my own relationship :(

Thank u <3