Hello all. My girlfriend was recently diagnosed when taken to the hospital (she does have epilepsy as well) and they suggested that her PNES seizures are likely a result of her trauma. I’m currently trying to read up on the condition but I was curious how these started for others and what leads to it’s development (I’m not seeking medical advice) I just want to understand the condition and her more.
My girlfriend was recently diagnosed with PNES/FND seizures..she has a history of significant trauma but after a recent event happened to her she was diagnosed PNES. She’s does have epilepsy and POTs as well.. I want to be here for her the best I can but I’m not entirely sure what is and isn’t helpful. During the episodes she often can’t answer me and sometimes her episodes have lasted 2 hours causing her a lot of muscular soreness. She never asks for anything and has a hard time knowing her own needs or desires (ie our first date she walked hours to meet up with me instead of asking if I could pick her up) so it’s hard to ask her how I can best support her with her seizures so I decided to ask here. I was curious what are things those with PNES have found helpful and/or things they wish someone would do/understand/support them x way/ etc,. so that way I can show up properly for her
Question: can panic attacks last over an hour and still be panic attacks?
My girlfriend gets these “panic attacks” but they don’t look like panic they look like terror ? I always thought panic attacks last like 10 minutes but hers can go on for well over an hour and more. During them she gets really bad tremors and shes shakey; especially her hands to the point that she can’t hardly hold things and often her legs. They don’t look compulsive but like really hard tremors and muscle contractions that she can’t control. She does struggle to breathe or its often rapid during the “attacks”. Sometimes she tries to repeatedly rubs her legs or arms during almost to try to self soothe I think? After it’s over she crashes so hard, sleeps for hours, and she’s muscularly sore from the tremors/shaking. She’s afraid during them. I just don’t know what to make of it because I’ve only ever seen them last maybe 15 minutes in others and I’ve never seen them so intense.
I’m NT and my girlfriend is diagnosed with autism. I’ve noticed she experiences the world very intensely in terms of sensory input, emotions, interests, and focus. I tell her all the time that she experiences life in “high resolution”-I think it’s beautiful. She is extremely curious, detail oriented, literal in communication and interpretation, and becomes deeply immersed in examining and understanding the things she loves (bugs, patterns, textures, systems, etc.). She can spend hours watching, studying insects, observing their patterns, or examining things she’s curious about. However, I want to better understand how to support her emotionally, socially, and sensory wise without infantilizing her or making her feel wrong or alienated for how she experiences the world.
Some details about her:
One thing I’ve noticed is that she often needs concrete explanations for things to fully make sense to her. I’m unsure whether that is tied to trauma or autism. For example, when she became curious about the garbage disposal (she had never been around one before and wanted to stop the blades to stop the noise), vague warnings like “it’s dangerous” or “it could cut your hand off” did not really register. What did help was breaking down the mechanics and cause/effect very concretely and the “whys” such as how I knew that since I have both of my hands, who has lost their hand, how the disposal works, what kinds of injuries can occur, why it is designed that way, comparing the need of metal versus plastic blades etc. Once things are explained logically and specifically, she usually understands them very well. However, vague warnings, implied meanings, emotional statements, or “because that’s just how it is” explanations often do not connect for her in the same way as they would most. It’s never argumentative on her part, she genuinely wants to understand and asks many follow up questions. She often makes me rethink the “why” behind a lot of social norms and assumptions I do lol
Additionally I’ve noticed she gets hurt a lot in friendships because of the literacy of her processing where she doesn’t pick up on people having more implied social meanings to soften their communication rather then literal meaning to their words/what they say which leads her to getting hurt because she counts on what they say. (Ex: when seeing someone she hasn’t seen in awhile and them closing the conversation with, “well it was nice seeing you we should catch up sometime”- she wants to know when, where, what time, what activities to prepare for, what to wear; which is understandable because that’s what they said but they just neutrally mean bye and she comes home super excited about it). She frequently gets confused (and hurt by it) and says that “everyone speaks in riddles and opposites”. Seeing her get hurt so much makes me want to protect her but I also don’t want her to feel controlled.
I love her deeply. She is incredibly kind, caring, curious, and sincere, but I want to learn how to better understand her experience so I can support her in ways that genuinely help rather than unintentionally making things harder. Additionally I worry the line between am I supporting her or hovering too much- I just love her and don’t want her to get hurt and desire to ease certain difficulties she has but I don’t entirely know what I’m doing and don’t want to make her feel suffocated.
(I’m presently looking into different types of noise canceling headphones or earplugs- if anyone has any recommendation for ones easy for her to sleep with that would greatly appreciated. We live together so I’m trying to create a space for her as she seems to decompress a lot in the closet when everything gets to be too much. Beyond that, I’ve been trying to learn about the importance of her routines and attempting to not abruptly change plans or deviate)
I recognize everyone can be a little different but I’m searching for any ideas that I as a partner can do, get her, refrain from doing etc to assist her or anything others have found to helpful or supportive.
Question: what types of support feels helpful to you versus what has felt overbearing or suffocating?
Any additional advice, recommendations, commentary or anything is welcome- I’m kinda guessing my way through most things so anything is appreciated. thank you in advance.
Hello. My girlfriend is diagnosed with autism, although her traits have been very obvious since I’ve met her. However, I want to both support her and learn how to encourage her to trust therapy. I suspect she likely would have been assessed/diagnosed sooner, but she experienced significant abuse growing up and had very limited access to medical care and was denied seeking MH care. I’m unsure if this is where to post this, as I’ve posted in a few other forums about it and am awaiting responses.
I want to help her build trust in therapy. We got her through the assessment and that was a huge step that was very scary for her and I’m proud of her in getting through. I just want to help her get the support that may help her without forcing her. It’s not that’s she’s blatantly resistant in the sense of not wanting to help herself, it comes from a place of fear and fearing them taking advantage of her. I’ve attempted to talk with her about female providers but it always zeros back to how “doctors make you do things that hurt”. I’m unsure if this is to tmi for this post, but we’re not intimate for that exact reason (which I’m okay with) and I’ve taught her about consent among other things and about how if she was to go she can tell me if anything does happen. and the overlap of explaining the difference between doctors and therapists has been a struggle because many have doctorates so the questions becomes if there not a doctor then why are some called that. It makes me sad for her and I want to help because I know she would benefit from additional support as they mentioned and someone who may be able to clinically break down why things are so confusing from a knowledgeable place and background in her experience both with the autism and her trauma history.
Some details about her:
I’ve noticed she experiences the world very intensely in terms of sensory input, emotions, interests, and focus. I tell her all the time that she experiences life in “high resolution”-I think it’s beautiful. She is extremely curious, detail oriented, literal in communication and interpretation, and becomes deeply immersed in examining and understanding the things she loves (bugs, patterns, textures, systems, etc.). She can spend hours watching, studying insects, observing their patterns, or examining things she’s curious about. However, I want to better understand how to support her emotionally, socially, and sensory wise without infantilizing her or making her feel wrong or alienated for how she experiences the world. This I feel would be “easier” if she had someone clinical who could help her understand what is happening in those moments.
One thing I’ve noticed is that she often needs concrete explanations for things to fully make sense to her. I’m unsure whether that is tied to trauma or autism. For example, when she became curious about the garbage disposal (she had never been around one before and wanted to stop the blades to stop the noise), vague warnings like “it’s dangerous” or “it could cut your hand off” did not really register. What did help was breaking down the mechanics and cause/effect very concretely and the “whys” such as how I knew that since I have both of my hands, who has lost their hand, how the disposal works, what kinds of injuries can occur, why it is designed that way, comparing the need of metal versus plastic blades etc. Once things are explained logically and specifically, she usually understands them very well. However, vague warnings, implied meanings, emotional statements, or “because that’s just how it is” explanations often do not connect for her in the same way as they would most. It’s never argumentative on her part, she genuinely wants to understand and asks many follow up questions. She often makes me rethink the “why” behind a lot of social norms and assumptions I do lol.
Ordinarily I would just ask someone how to best support them or give general suggestions of “why not try therapy” but she sometimes she goes through phases of not talking for periods or she struggles with open ended questions, which can make communication harder in moments where she is overwhelmed.
Additionally I’ve noticed she gets hurt a lot in friendships because of the literacy of her processing where she doesn’t pick up on people having more implied social meanings to soften their communication rather then literal meaning to their words/what they say which leads her to getting hurt because she counts on what they say. (Ex: seeing someone she hasn’t seen in awhile and them closing the conversation with, “well it was nice seeing you we should catch up sometime”- she wants to know when, where, what time, what activities to prepare for, what to wear; which is understandable because that’s what they said but they just neutrally mean bye and she comes home super excited about it). She frequently gets confused (and hurt by it) and says that “everyone speaks in riddles and opposites”. Seeing her get hurt so much makes me want to protect her but I also don’t want her to feel controlled.
I recognize more support outside of me would be beneficial but she has a significant fear surrounding medical professionals and therapy because of childhood SA where the abuser pretended to hold the role of a doctor during as part of the abuse…which has made her scared of them. She has had limited exposure to actual doctors outside of the abuse and she views therapists and doctors as the same thing (so she fears both will hurt her). Getting her anywhere near anything clinical was a big step for us in just getting her through the process of being assessed. She even fears when I go to the doctor because she’s worried they’ll hurt me…usually when I get back she’s “overly” worried about me and it often leads to me reassuring her I’m okay. I walk her through the process of what they did during the appointment and why. We are trying to approach support slowly and safely because trust in those environments is still very difficult for her right now.
I love her deeply. She is incredibly kind, caring, curious, and sincere, but I want to learn how to better understand her experience so I can support her in ways that genuinely help rather than unintentionally making things harder. Additionally I want to help her build that support too.
- Are there any resources I personally can educate myself on to better understand and support her? Or ways to help those who have trauma gain the courage to attend therapy?
I’m unsure whether I should go back to therapy myself again just so she can come with? However, I’m not sure how a therapist would feel about that reasoning as it’s very unorthodox and pivots the focus as it’s predominantly “client centered”.
Overall I just want to help make her life easier not harder and do the best I can to support her properly how she deserves.
Questions:
-Are there any resources I personally can educate myself on to better understand and support her?
- For autistic adults who process information very literally, what communication strategies tend to work best for safety, emotional regulation, and daily situations?
Hello. My girlfriend was recently diagnosed with autism, although her traits have been very obvious to me since I’ve met her. I suspect she likely would have been assessed/diagnosed sooner, but she experienced significant abuse growing up and had very limited access to medical care and was denied seeking MH care. She’s missing a lot of how to knowledge too because she was never taught a lot due to her environment.
As far as some things about her: I’ve noticed she experiences the world very intensely and more amplified in terms of sensory input, emotions, interests, and focus. I tell her all the time that she experiences life in “high resolution”-I think it’s beautiful. She is extremely curious, detail oriented, literal in communication and interpretation, and becomes deeply immersed in examining and understanding the things she loves (bugs, patterns, textures, systems, etc.). Bugs specifically really seem to be her thing. She can spend hours watching, studying them, observing their patterns, or understanding/examining things she’s curious about. However, I want to better understand how to support her emotionally, socially, and sensory wise without infantilizing her or making her feel wrong or alienated for how she experiences the world.
One thing I’ve also noticed about her is that she often needs concrete explanations for things to fully make sense to her. I’m unsure if it’s from trauma or the autism (I assume both) but for example, when she was curious about the garbage disposal, vague warnings like “it’s dangerous/it will cut your hand off” (she had never been around one and went to put her hand in it to stop the blades because of the noise) did not really register. What did help was breaking down the mechanics and cause/effect very concretely such as how I knew that since I have both of my hands, who has lost their hand, how the disposal works, what kinds of injuries can occur, why it is designed that way, comparing the need of metal versus plastic blades etc. Once things are explained logically and specifically, she usually understands them very well. She enjoys learning. However, vague warnings, implied meanings, emotional statements, or “because that’s just how it is” explanations often do not connect for her in the same way as they would most in any aspect. It’s never argumentative on her part, she genuinely wants to understand and asks many follow up questions. She often makes me rethink the “why” behind a lot of social norms and assumptions that even I do lol
Additionally I’ve noticed she gets hurt a lot in friendships because of the literacy of her processing where she doesn’t pick up on people having more implied social meanings or subtext to soften their communication rather then literal meanings of their words/what they say which leads her to getting hurt because she counts on what they say. She frequently gets confused (and hurt by it) and says that “everyone speaks in riddles and opposites”. Seeing her get hurt so much makes me want to protect her but I also don’t want her to feel controlled.
Ordinarily I would just ask someone how to best support them but she sometimes she goes through phases where she appears nonverbal for periods or other periods where she struggles with open ended questions which can make communication harder in moments where she is overwhelmed. I recognize more support outside of me would be the most beneficial but she has a significant fear surrounding medical professionals and therapy because of childhood SA where the abuser pretended to hold the role of a doctor during-which has made her scared of them. She has also had very limited exposure to actual doctors outside of the abuse and she views therapists and doctors as the same thing (she fears they will hurt her). She’s even scared when I go for myself out of fear they’ll hurt me. so getting her anywhere near anything clinical was a big step for us in just getting her assessed. We are trying to approach support slowly and safely because trust in those environments is still very difficult for her right now.
I love her deeply. She is incredibly kind, caring, curious, and sincere, but I want to learn how to better understand her experience so I can support her at home in ways that genuinely help rather than unintentionally making things harder.
Questions are at the top, but I want to better understand how to support her emotionally, socially, and sensory wise without infantilizing her or making her feel wrong so I was curious if there are resources I can educate myself more on or if there are ways I can best support her at home. Any advice, resources, recommendations etc are welcome. Thank you in advance.
(NAT)