I wished you had chosen me.
Now I’m at a place in my life where I don’t want anyone. I don’t won’t to give my time, energy and money on someone who doesn’t reciprocate.
Why should I when I am the one who ends up with nothing and had lost out.
Thing is with you J, you hurt me the most. Why? Because of the potential that could have been.
I don’t think I ever asked much from you, right now I am.
I need a hug.
Meet me where we first met? Down by the water?
Do you even think of me? Did you move on?
I haven’t.
I think the gods are punishing me.
I should have told you I loved you more.
I’m sorry I internalised all my thoughts and didn’t tell you how and why I love you.
I do still think of you.
I wish I was someone you wanted.
I feel you pulling in my energy, it’s been going on for
Months now.
I wish you would just reach out to me and just talk, it doesn’t have to be heavy or about anything that happened.
Just say hi, I miss you.
A
There is just something completely ineffable about you.
Your smile, your eyes, your touch, things you once made me feel cannot be expressed into words.
Such is life
I recently viewed a post. This was not directly pointed to me.
It said something along the lines of if they wanted they would, stop embarrassing yourself, if they wanted to talk to you or contact you they would, stop being a stalker etc.
I can’t speak for the majority of people on these subs, only for myself.
I know if they wanted to contact me they would, and know if they cared about me they would find away to meet me where I am.
This is not the point of my use of these subs, in my opinion.
I use these subs as a form of expression, to process my emotions where I can’t afford therapy and where I don’t want to bother friends/ family with my feelings on something that happened a while back.
For many, I like to think this place as a release of built up emotions, a place where people can express themselves without feeling like they are judged for how they feel.
I know for myself since I have used this place as a medium of expression I am starting to feel lighter in my mental health, not as attached to the person and I know when I look back on my posts I can see how my emotional health was impacted by another person and what I can do to improve myself.
So for those who use these unsent subs, continue to use them, write into the void, express yourself to those you care about.
It is not embarrassing or weird, it does not make you a stalker and certainly does not make you less than.
What it does do, in my opinion, helps you process and grow your emotional health.
Falling in love with you was out of my control
The loss of you triggered my growth
Knowing I will continue to do this life on my own is what I expected.
I love you,
I care for you,
I want you,
I needed you, even when I didn’t show it,
I always try to be the one who doesn’t need anyone,
I had this thing in my head that I have to do it all alone,
that I am on my own in this world,
that if I showed some sort of vulnerability it would be seen as weakness.
I was scared to open up because if I did you would see parts of me I kept hidden and then you would not want me.
I was scared that I was not good enough for you, that you and others would judge me.
I wish I could have been vulnerable when I was with you.
I know that I am a strong person and can over anything,
I just wished I showed you the real me when we were together.
After all that is said and done I still choose you.
We can work on ourselves, reflect, forgive.
I am choosing and willing to make you mine in this life and others.
Do you feel the same way?
When we were together I thought that you were made for me and I still do.
That god chiselled out a handsome god,
A body that i can’t take eyes off,
eyes that I would get lost in.
You were so handsome, your kisses would melt me.
I would do anything for you when we were together, and you knew it, you knew I would push past my limits just to please you.
Anything to make you happy, and I asked for nothing in return, all I wanted was to please you, that was my reward.
I gave so much of myself to you, I don’t think you realised that, or cared enough to think about how much I gave.
Now I am here blaming myself, blaming myself for wanting you still, still needing your kisses and touches.
You ruined me forever for having this need from you and only you.
I miss the kisses
I miss the hugs
I miss the cuddles
I miss your face
I miss that little dance you do when your happy
I miss listening to you rave on about god know what
Do you miss me?
I think there is something wrong with me, am I going crazy? Is this limerence?
Why can I get you out of head? Hope? Love?
I have been to therapy, and yet after all these months you are still there.
I’m trying to forget you like you did me.
I think it is because of hope. Something I never liked in life, it can ruin people.
It’s always best to be disappointed in people, that way when something does turn out right it would be a pleasant surprise.
I hate hope. It’s ruining me.
I wanted more from you,
Now you have become a stranger in the night.
I love you
It is unfortunate that I do not matter to you anymore.
You truly are something special
From A