To search our support system
So, where should I start? My mother is narcissistic — or at least, that’s something I realized later. I’m the only daughter, and I have an older brother. She always treated my older brother like the “golden child,” literally. She was never really there for me emotionally during childhood. The only thing she really did was cook for me, but there was no emotional support, nothing deeper.
I was close to my dad, and she would constantly taunt him for being close to me. Over time, she even started saying things implying that my dad was “supporting” me too much. From what I understand now, I’m in my early thirties, and I’ve realized that I’ve spent years trying to let go of all the instances where I felt unsupported by her — emotionally or otherwise. I kept telling myself, “I’ve let it go, I’ve let it go,” but clearly some of it still affects me.
Recently, she said something very hurtful. I moved to another country, and she keeps telling her friends that I “changed” after moving there. She keeps creating these narratives. She knows how much I struggled to get here, yet she told me to come back — almost as if she doesn’t care about my well-being at all. It feels like she doesn’t care about how much I’ve achieved or what I’ve gone through.
What I want to ask is: how do you survive having a narcissistic mother like that, along with an enabling father? My father is a people-pleaser who just wants peace at home. Growing up without a real support system leaves you feeling lost. You don’t even know what “home” is supposed to feel like.
I’m married to a good man, but I still feel this emptiness. Sometimes I ask myself if I even have a family, or if I even have a home.
What do you do in a situation like this?